Maid in Makati: May gusto ako sa katulong namin!

Better Mornings

2006-09-22T08:20:00.000+08:00

September 22, 2006. 3:24am

I'm sorry for things to have ended this way... I thought things would work out.

Sad ba? I know. The truth is I'm just pulling the blog readers' legs. I'm just kidding. :P

It will be sunrise soon. Heheh pano ba yan? Tinulugan mo ko.

Ayaw kong umailis but I can't stay. I really have to leave.

I need to go to the office earlier than usual kasi we have to perform that server maintenance that we've been putting off for weeks now. I need to get up early. Oo nga pala baka mag revise pa kami ng assembly schematics sa account ni Maam Sigrid. Syet due na yun bukas. No use. Kailangan talaga maaga.

Grabe... ang hirap matulog ng ganito. Sana pala di na lang natin pinanuod yung DVD ng The Maid.

Oo na. Oo na. Walang simbolosmo yung title. Coincidence lang. Magagalit ka eh ikaw naman yung nanghiram ng DVD, hindi ako.

Pinagtalunan pa natin yung ending but the truth is I wasn't able to follow the story anymore. Kapit ka kasi ng kapit eh. Tili ka pa ng tili. Buti na lang dun natulog si Mama kela Uncle Guy. Malamang sa lakas ng sigaw mo, nagising mo pa yun. Haaay, at least you enjoyed the movie last night. Hehe di ka pa rin nagbabago. Matatakutin ka pa rin. Duwag! hehe

Either that, or gusto mo lang talaga ako chansingan. Kung gusto mo yumakap, sabihin mo lang no. Mura lang professional's fee ko.

Kidding :P

Speaking of endings, I've decided to end the blog. We haven't really decided kung pano. Di ko rin naman naintindihan yung sinabi mo eh. Sabi mo ayaw mo na, pero sabi mo rin gusto mo pagpatuloy. Nililito mo lalo ako. So I apologize for ending things abruptly without consulting you. I really feel that I have to do this.

My decision to end the blog is brought about by the things that happened last Sunday.

Sunday started unusually. Buti naman tapos na yung graveyard shifts mo. Isang linggo na naman yun. Last day na yun kaya kahit na Sunday meant no work for me, nagtext ka na nagrerequest na sunduin kita.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. It's just that waking up without you in the house feels... odd. Walang nang-aasar, walang babati ng good morning, wala yung nangungulit na "dalian mo baka ma late ka pa". Walang naka-ready na kape. Ang hirap bumangon pag alam mong wala kang kasama sa bahay.

Alam mo naman si Mama, parang di na rin dito nakatira.

I remember yung itchura mo nung hinanap mo ko sa labas ng building nyo. Sana naman kasi AKO yung hinahanap, hindi yung sasakyan eh. I was watching you for the longest time, at nakatayo lang ako sa loob ng lobby. Hehe derederecho ka sa labas, di mo na ko napansin at nilagpasan mo na ko.

"Hello," bati ko at pagkalabit ko sayo sa likod.

"Hey... San ka galing?"

"Nandun ako sa lobby, Nakalimutan mong wala tayong sasakyan no?" (An uncle, my mother's balikbayan brother, always borrows our car whenever he comes home)

"Ay oo nga pala. I totally forgot. Sorry. Sana nagtext ka na lang na di mo ko masusundo para nag commute na lang ako." Simumangot ka pa. Alam mo namang di kita matitiis.

"MAGPASUNDO KA SA NANAY MO!", I wanted to yell- wag na lang. Baka mabatukan mo pa ko. Baka marining pa ng mga ka officemates mo at buong maghapon mo na naman akong di papansinin. Kamuka mo naman talaga eh.

"Ngayon mo pa sasabihin yan eh nandito na ko" , I said, even though I was annoyed a bit. Alam mo namang mahal na mahal ko kama ko. Kakapalit mo pa naman ang kobrekama, punda at kumot nung makalawa. "Wala namang pasok eh kaya ok lang."

"Sorry," You said again with a grin. At least di ka na nakasimangot.

"Nag breakfast ka na?" I asked.

"Yeah," You smiled shyly. "Wala kaming ginawa kundi kumain".

Its' a wonder really- how you seem to like eating and yet you don't seem to gain weight. Remember that talk we had, when I said that I was observing you while you eat? I still don't get it. We can sit in front of the table for more than an hour, and yet di pa nangangalahati yung pinggan mo. It bends the laws of physics really.

"Want to grab a cup of coffee na lang?" I asked. Syempre di ako magpapatalo. I won't take no for an answer.

There's a nearby Starbucks, but I told you that I know a better place to drink coffee.

"San ba tayo pupunta?"

"Ako bahala sayo," sabi ko . It was a line that I borrowed from Richard. I find it really helpful when you're anxious about something. Remember when we came forward kay Mama? You instinctively held my hand, and you were cold and trembling then. But when I told you na ako ang bahala sayo, you began to feel better. Lol were were in such a mess then, weren't we?

It was a bit of a long walk from where you work but I know you really like the the backstreets of Makati. I really like the way you call it "Exploration". It should be. It is a world away from Makati's main thoroughfares.

We should walk more often. Not only is it healthy, but also it gives us something that driving a car does not: the oppurtunity to take our time and slow down. I watched you look at the tall condominiums with awe and appreciation. I need not look up to appreciate beauty. I happen to know a certain sleeping beauty very well.

Most people see Makati as a city of commerce, for work and for night outs. Few, like us, look at Makati as home. It's the place where we grew up. Fewer still are those who take the time to notice Makati's subtler offerings.

I know the only time you've seen Salcedo Park was when we passed by it when we were avoiding traffic, but I know you'll like the place. We got our coffee at the nearby Starbucks and went to sit at one of the benches.

The air was cool because of the rain last night but the sun was already too bright for me. The shade of the trees complimented the gentle breeze that played with your hair. I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed when you swept your hair back with your fingers and tucked them gently behind your ear. I think you're awsome when you just let your hair down.

We sat there for a while, talking about the old man on another bench who was reading the morning paper, and the couple of joggers who passed by. It's amazing how you can take those scenes and use them as an insult. Yes, I know, I'm halfway to fifty and you don't want me going out of shape. (I promise to go to the gym at least once a week if you promise to go with me! Deal or no deal?)

On our left were a children playing- three children playing jump rope, and a younger kids writing on the brick walkway with a white chalk. Their yayas, donning a generic white and blue uniform, were chatting as they look after the kids.

It's a shame, that even on a Sunday, some parents still can't afford to find the time to play with their children. It's a wasted time. By the time the parents realize it, their kids would have thier own set of friends. Their kids would prefer to spend time with their own friends rather than with their parents.

"Al, Baka masita ka ng security guard... Dapat yata may kasamang yaya yung mga isip bata dito."

"Problema ba yon? Edi sabihin natin ikaw yaya ko"

"Yuck! Ayaw ko nga maging yaya. Nakakasawa ka na ngang alagaan eh. Caregiver na yata kailangan mo."

"Kapal nito... madalas kaya ako pa nagaalaga sayo eh. Ako nga yata yaya mo. Ano ba tawag sa lalakeng yaya?

"I don't know"

"yow yow?"

"..."

"Al, you shouldn't try to be funny when there are people drinking hot coffee within hearing distance. It can be very painful."

"Arte mo naman, if I'm so corny then why are you smiling?"

"Eh ang corny naman talaga eh. Sasakit ulo ko sayo eh"

"The objective or humor is to make people laugh" I lectured. "Sasabihan mo kong corny tapos tatawa ka"

"Eh basta, kasi they way you delivered it. You looked... stupid"

"No, It's not being stupid... It's being 'comical'"

"Ewan ko sayo. Pero dapat maingat yung mga yaya sayo. Atchay killer ka pa naman."

"Yan ka na naman eh"

"Aba- ba't sino ba satin ang may crush sa mga yaya ha?"

"Wala akong 'crush' sa mga yaya no."

"Eh ano?"

"Wala nga"

"Wushuuu... If I know, you brought us here to stalk a yaya."

"Hindi no."

"Yes, It has to be something!" you laughed. "Sige na umamin ka na kasi eh. Why did you bring us here?"

"Kulet, ano ba nilagay mo sa kape mo ngayon ha?"

"Uuuy. Asar na sya," you teased with that silly grin on your face. "Aamin na yan.."

"Ano ba gusto mong aminin ko ha?"

"Asus... Kunwari pa to."

I sighed to show my frustration. "Gusto mong malaman kung bakit tayo nandito?"

"Sige."

"Because even though I would prefer to make the most of the oppurtunity to stay in bed today, this is such a great place and this great morning will all go to waste if I do not share it with someone you love, and I think thats reason enough, but frankly, you're just a bit too annoying to be with right now. If you don't appreciate the gesture then you could at least stop linking me to some random stranger. And try not to make a big deal about my corny jokes because they were intentional. I tell you jokes all the time and you always laugh at them, corny or not and now- what? bat ganyan itchura mo?"

"...what did you say?"

"That corny jokes are often intentional"

"No, before that"

"I said its annoying when you link me to strangers"

"No stupid. Before that"

"That this is a great morning and Salcedo park is a great place and I know you'll like it here"

"No, thats not what you said," you grinned.

"It's not?"

"No, I asked you why you brought us here"

"I know"

"And you said this morning will just go to waste"

"Yeah, if I don't spend it with someone special"

"No"

"What!? Thats what I said!"

"You said all these will go to waste if you don't spend it with someone you love."

"Yeah, Thats what I said."

"No, that different. Someone special is not necessarily someone you love"

"Yes, I suppose thats true..."

"So?"

"So what?"

"Nako Al, don't pretend to be dense. Malapit ka na maligo ng kape."

"What?!"

"So which am I? Someone special or someone you love?"

I was intentioanlly trying to get you annoyed, but I didn't expect that you'll threaten me with hot coffee. I was caught offguard.

"You... are someone.... that I love" I said, rasing the last syllable of the sentence almost to the point that made me sound like I'm not sure what I was saying. I could almost hear Richard saying "Congratulations pare, You just lost your balls."

I half-expected that you would whap me on the head, but I noticed that the mad look on your face slowly disappeared.

"That wasn't so bad now was it?" you said with a smile. "Ang torpe mo."

I apologize Emma. I've wanted to tell you for so long, and I really would've preferred a more romantic way of telling you that I DO love you. Although I must confess that it hapend this way. I'm ACTUALLY glad that you threatened me into confessing with a cup of hot coffee. Looking back, I realize the quiet morning at Salcedo park would have been wasted if I wasn't able to tell you those three words.

"I told you I couldn't keep that promise"

"Its ok Al," you laughed. "I know you can't be trusted with anything."

"So thats it?"

"What?"

"You make me confess, then you leave me hanging like that?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Were you expecting anything?"

"er... yeah. Hello?"

You sat down, and the smile on your face disappeared. You took a sip of coffee and paused before trying to speak again.

"I love you too Al... but with all these things that have been happening between us, I gave it a lot of thought. Sa toto lang parang kuya lang talaga kita eh."

"... oh."

"Yeah...", you patted my knee, as if to say sorry. I paused to think. I did not imagine that after all the time we spent together, that I would be dumped.

"Emma, if thats how really you feel, then I repec-"

"It's a good thing that I'm feeling a incestuous right now," you grinned. "Gotcha!"

You hugged my left arm. I don't know If I'm going to be happy or irritated. But everything felt fine, and moreover, confused.

It's feel strangely unique, when you think about it. When old couples recall kung kelan naging "sila", often it would be a story of romance and hapiness. Ours? well... if we happen to have the chance to tell this story to someone, I dont think they'll believe us if we tell them that on that fateful day, we managed to annoy each other into a confession.

"You should know better Al. Ang tagal mo kasi eh. Kulang na lang yata kao pa mangligaw sayo"

"Eh ikaw naman kasi. Ikaw kaya tong laging kinakabahan. Kulang na lang himatayin ka sa kakadeny nung umamin ako kay Mama. Showbiz mo no"

"Shut up. I love you Aldrin, don't pretend that you don't know it."

"Sige na nga. Pero wala nang bawian yan ha?" , I reminded you. "Nasaktan na ko dati at ayaw ko nang maranasan itong muli"

"Awww...," You proceeded to hug me. "Magdadrama ka pa, di naman bagay."

I know. I was only doing that to make you laugh, and you did. You buried your face on my chest and you tightened your hug.

"Al...." you spoke as you slowly raised your head and looked into my eyes. Those eyes- those expressive eyes that I just couldn't get enough of. "Naligo ka ba?"

"Oo naman no!"

"I know. I was only joking," you grinned. "Now would be a good time to kiss me"

Right there in the middle of Salcedo Park, amidst the passers-by and the trees and the bushes still wet with the morning dew, and the gentle sunlight piercing though the thin canopy, we had our first (technically second) kiss.

How did I feel when we kissed?

In history class, we learned that royal marriages were often fixed- that even if an heir of a kingdom is just a few years old, his bride or her groom has already been chosen for him or her. Marriages like those exists for posterity's sake- to make sure the royal blood does not get thinned out.

Stories were told that those kinds of marriages never work. But that first (technically, second) kiss felt like an epipany of sorts. What if- fixed marraiges were given a chance? what if fixed relationships worked? We already have 20 years' worth of foundation to work on- thats not bad, right?

When we kissed, I felt like... royalty. It felt like even when we were kids, we were predestined to be lovers. Growing up we fought for our right to choose our own partners in life- and then we realize that we've been looking for each other after all.

I didnt mind the children, the yayas, the old man and the security guards. I didn't mind the people walking through the park. I didnt mind the poepl in the tall buildings that could probably see us then. I didn't mind the entire city around us. All I ws focused on was you and I felt like I could be in that position forever.

Forever it is, but unfortunately, "forever" lasted about 2 seconds.

"Nakakahiya baka may makakita," you giggled as you pulled away from the kiss. Your cheeks were flushed and I slowly realized tha my ears were warmer than usual.

I pulled away from the embrace and , but I didn't let go of your hand. I was very pleased to hear you giggle- It reminded me of that time you talked to Pat.

"So...What now?" I asked after a few seconds of awkward blushing and smiling.

"Sinong tao sa bahay"

"Wala"

"We go home then," then you took my hand and pulled me.

"Huy, di dyan ang daan."

"I know, but before we go home, I need you to buy something from 7-11"

That is when everything got ugly. You asked if anyone is home, and you knew that we will be the only people in the house THEN you asked me to buy something from 7-11. Ofcourse, I'll make assumptions. T_T

At least I know that port of me is still alive... somehow. After that, I whispered to you what I thought about what I assumed you were suggesting...

"Ang bastos mo talaga!," you replied, with a push on my shoulder. I think the gardener at One Salcedo Place overheard us. Rest assured, it was very embarassing.

"Baygon ang bibilin natin no! Baygon!", you lectured as we backtracked to the convinience store we passed on the way there. "Uso dengue ngayon and I've been planning to I'll spray the rooms ngayong weekend"

"Sorry... sana sinabi mo kaagad," I said. It was funny how dumb I sounded. I'm a guy! Can you really blame me?

"Dumi ng utak mo," you scoffed.

We continued the rest of the trip in silence. After we secured the can of spray, we took a cab home. I didn't know what to say, and I thought that discussing it was inappropriate when the driver can hear us.

As we entered the house, you placed you gently embraced my right arm and rested your head on my shoulder.

"Don't worry Al. I'll tell you when I'm ready, ok?"

And now, we arrive here, You're asleep and I'm awake. You might find it eerie, but I really like watching you while you sleep. It reminds me that kahit minsan, mabait ka rin pala.

Kidding :)

Even when we were kids, you've always been good to me even though we fought a lot and I used to hide your stuff to make you cry.

There are stuff that wont disappear. They just change in form or function.

Remember when we are a lot younger, we talked about our future relationships, that both of us will find someone that othe other one doesnt know. It semed to be a good idea at that time, and its funny when you look at it now.

I know that by the time you read this, you'll probably be infuriated that I didn't run this by you first. I'm apologizing for starting this without you. Like I said, this is something I really have to do. I need to get this out because If I don't, this blog may not end, and out lives won't begin.

There are a lot of things to worry about, and I know you are scared. I think everyone is scared to trust themselves to someone. We are both in a lot of pressure to make things work. We have to. We are both afraid of the consequences of a failed relationship.

But I think we don't have to feel pressured. We have, after all, gone through the greatest hurdle of relationships- You and I... we're family already. Granted that it is, as you said, incestuous, but it is no less special than when people realize that they finally found THE one.

IMHO, the greatest relationships in the world are not perfect. There will be fights, differences of opinion, and shortcomings.

But the truth is I'd rather be having arguements and fights, and sensless debates and fits of random annoyance with someone I know and someone who knows me so well.

Because I know making up and agreeing will be so much sweeter. Apologizing would be so meaningful. Seeing you smile will be more alleviating. Watching you pout will me much more fascinating. You're t he only person I know whose pinch hurts more than having a hard wooden door slammed in my temple. Kissing you means so much more.

It took us all these years to realize that we didn't have to look far to find the person we are looking for. If there is anything to regret, it is the time that I've made you feel unappreciated, when you're worth is so much more. All I ask now is the oppurtunity to make it up to you.

If things will change, it could only be for the better. It all starts when you read this entry. By the time you finish reading this, I would've already left, and you would be at your office, and you would've texted me at least three times, and called called my phone at least twice.

Yes, I would like to talk about what I've written here, and the stuff that didn't make it to this pages, and the future events that will and will not happen between us. Who knows right? As much as we know each other, we can never be too certain about life and about love.

I, at least, know this:

I'm certainly looking forward to waking up to better mornings with you. :)

A Long Time Coming

2006-08-30T19:19:00.000+08:00

Writing this blog entry feels different compared to writing the other entries. It proved to be very difficult because, even now, I have lots of things to consider. I reread the entire blog, and the conversations Emma and I had about this blog has totally changed my perception.

I do hope that you'll bear with me on this because it is really difficult, at least for me (I submit myself to the stereotype that engineers are not really writers) to constantly revise the entries starting from Questions and Answers. So far, this series is the longest I have written within the span of 48 hours, and it has been subject to much revision becuase it proved to be difficult to definitively write about the events as they happen.

Let me begin by explaining how I write.

It all starts with my cellphone. I have difficulty organizing my thoughts in one coherent stream, so what I do to "preserve" what my take on a particular event, I key it down on my cellphone.

These "thoughts" somehow make it to my PC, usually in an empty MSWord or text document which first look like this:

got a phonecall
invitation emma's aunt's bday july 17
buy cake first
emma's dont tell me i didnt warn you
driving there
meet the relatives
ate lunch
...
apologized
went home

From there I construct my outline- I attach as much detail to each keyword as I can remember,

got a phone call
emma is not around
guy looking for emma
he passes the phone to an older woman

and from the details, I construct my sentences, and eventually to form the paragraphs of the blog

It all started a few nights ago- Wednesday, I recall- I was in my room, writing some email to my mom regarding her trip home when the phone rang. Emma is the one who usually answers the phone (because sometimes I'm too lazy and I pretend not to hear it ringing), but at that time, she was still at the office, filling in a time quota. I got up, picked up the cordless and answered.

"Hello, pwede po ba makausap si Emma" replied the guy on the other end of the phone. He sounded like a teenager.

"She's not around. May I take a message?"

"Po?"

"Ah- Wala kasi sye eh- May pagbibilin ka?" I was a bit amused at the caller. Maybe he got intimidated because he didn't reply. The next voice I heard on the phone was of a woman, and she sounded much older. Unlike the kid, I recognized her voice- She was one of Emma's relatives... I think.

Basically, thats how I write.

(This has caused much dismay to my college communications professor. She recognized my yahoo ID and IMed me to give me both a relationship advice and a threat that she'll kick me back to highschool if I don't improve on my tense problems.)

So... the question is, what does my way of writing have to do with what happened after the party?

Apparently, lots. Shall we begin?

July 17, around midnight.

It feels very different when you lose control of something. It can be a big thing, something so significant, like your lovelife or career, or it can be a small thing like the way you like your coffe in the morning or how you want first dibs on the first dibs on a certain section of a newspaper.

In my case that night, it was driving. The road looks different from the passenger's side. I dont know if its the good dose of alcohol in me, or maybe its the fact that I've been driving for more than 10 years, but I really wished that somehow I had control of the car. If I close my eyes, I can feel the steering wheel in my hands, and my feet push at imaginary pedals in reflex to traffic. Timing is a bit off. Emma made turns a bit later or sooner than what I would've preferred. The felt the same everytime the car accelerates and brakes.

I would say that I felt really bad whenever I'm not in control. I had no control of everything that went that day.

But I guess thats how faith should be. The truly faithful can trust their lives to the unknown. I trust Emma.

(But it never hurts to put on the seatbelt.)

It was a silent trip home. She didn't even turn on the radio. Uneventful really, but it was torture for me. She didn't even try to speak to me. If you think being mean is the worst thing Emma can do to me, I found out that she can kill me with her silence. It's insane!

We arrived home. Emma parked the car, and I stepped out lock to the gates.

We entered the house and Emma tossed the car keys on the small bowl beside the telephone- the very same Telephone that I answered to recieve the invitation to Aunty Lo's birthday. The day was finally over, and we are home.

I locked the doors and I followed Emma up the stairs and up the hallway.

Emma turned at the hallway and showed no sign of stopping talk so I had to call her name.

"Emma..."

"Um?"

"Can we talk?"

"Sure"

"...I'm sorry"

"You already said that kanina"

"I know... are you still mad?"

"Mad about what?"

"Kasi... I called you a driver"

"Hay nako... a-apologize ka, di mo naman pala alam kung ano yung pinagsosorry mo"

"Ha?

"Hay... nevermind".

"Seriously Emma, I don't know why you're mad at me all day."

"Kung di mo alam, di ko sasabihin sayo."

I didn't know what to say, but I figured that since she dodn't move from her position, she still wanted to talk

"You know... we argue a lot no?," I tried to stall, because I really didn't know what to say. I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong, but nothing came to mind. "Sa car pa lang, nagtatalo na tayo eh"

"Uhuh," she replied.

"You were right about your family though"

"What about my family?"

"Well... they were not as what I expected"

"I told you so. You should've listened," said Emma. Yeah, I should've listened.

"Dapat nga di ka na lang pumunta eh," she continued.

"I don't get that. Ayaw mo ba ko ipakilala sa family mo?

"Ok lang"

"Would you have preferred if I didn't come?"

She didn't answer. She just looked at floor as if she cant look at me directly.

"Is that it? Are you ashamed of your family," I asked her.

"And what makes you think that its my family that I'm ashamed of?" Emma barked.

"Oh... I guess that meant she's ashamed of me," I thought. Who else would she be embarassed of, if not me. Its my turn to look at the floor and feel the shame.

"...I apologize if I'm not up to standards. Its your relative's party and I should'nt have insisted to come."

"No... is not that," Emma coaxed me.

"Then what? You can always tell me anything..."

"I don't know, ok?" Emma raised her tone. I heard a familiar tremble in her voice, and I knew she's on the verge of crying. I reminded myself that if Emma starts crying, I've no one to blame but myself.

"I... knew you're going to write about this and I'm sure if I like the idea anymore," she finally spoke. Her voice was much softer and calmer. "Al, its my family. it will be the first time you see them. I was very pressured"

"Hey, I was under pressure too. I'm the guy enterring your territory."

"Di naman nila alam yung tungkol dun eh"

"...I disagree. If you only knew what your cousin uncle told me kanina"

"No, mas ok nga yung alam nila yung tungjol satin eh. Kung si gale nga nakahalata, yun pang mga tita ko"

"Ha?!," I said in confusion. I thought she didn't want her family to find out.

"I'm talking about the blog Al," Emma said softly, "The way you write about me, yung ang nakakapressure"

I didn't say anything, so I just looked at her to listen. I felt that its important that she gets to say everything without being interrupted.

"I cant fill the shoes of "Emma" anymore."

"Why? what do you mean?"

"I showed the blog to some friends at work, and guess what? They don't believe that Emma is me. Nagmumuka tuloy na nag-iilusyon ako."

"Edi was silang maniwala. at least you were honest diba? Its thier loss. If poeple refuse to see what is obvious then wag mo pansinin. Its about you, so other people shouldn't matter."

"If other people don't matter, then why do you continue to write?"

This caught me offguard. It was Erika who sugested that I start writing a journal about my everyday life with Emma. This was originally about writing about what I feel about her. Normally It was supposed to abe a blog where I ask for advise, but now- it is so much more. Have I gone astray from my original objective? Perhaps I have been blinded by the compliments and attention of readers, and it has clouded me from that fact that I the person I care about is hurting from what I do.

"Everytime I read about it, I see myself through your eyes. I affects me so much and I really appreciate the effort you put into it," Emma spoke with so much sincerity. I wanted to hug her right there, but I saw from her face that there is something else that she wanted to say.

"Al, I'm not perfect"

"I think you are."

"People don't think the same Al. I have problems, and I make mistakes. I have enough problems being myself already. I don't need to the additional pressure of being your version of me."

It was an outpour of feelings. I was on the recieving end of something that's been bothering her ever since I came forward with this blog. I never meant to put pressure on her.

"Al," she spoke with a pause to make sure I listened. "You're not blogging anymore. You're blogging about blogging a blog!" She sounded frustrated and very annoyed.

This made me think- and she's right. Even though she sounded silly, she was right. As much as I would like to share everything, I realized that have to consider that relationships should be a private thing. Writing about our lives publicly has its adverse effects. At some point, if I continue, I'll be crossing a line where writing about something I write about is no longer appropriate.

Thats when I found out that I've lost the discretion that I have been hoping to keep, and there's only one way to make amends.

"Do you think we should stop?" I asked Emma, who now, has tears rolling down her cheek.

She didn't answer. We stood there under the yellow light of the corridor waiting for each other to speak. After about 5 minutes of silence, Emma talked.

"I'm going to take a shower," she turned hand started walking to her room. I didnt want to end the conversation that way, but with all the things happening that day, I hesitated. Maybe its best that I talk to her again tomorrow, when I know I can think clearer.

I opened my room and brushed my teeth. I smelled like cigarettes and alcohol, so I figured its best to take a shower as well.

I was relieved to be able to lay back on my bed, but I didn't sleep yet. I grabbed my booted my laptop and opened the folder aptly named "blog" on the desktop. Right clicked > New > Text Document: A Long Time Coming.

With great hesitation, I began writing the words of what happened that day. I only wished that if is the last entry, we could've written it together, not like this, where Emma was a few doors away, probably crying herself to sleep.

I hit CTRL+s and closed the file. I placed that laptop on top of the small square table beside and plugged it to charge the battery.

I cheked my cellphone. Not a single message. Not even a goodnight. I just stared at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to claim me.

Thats how our night and our relationship ended.

Ok, I'm kidding.

The next day, 6:30 AM

My alarm clock rang and I knew I have to get up early for work. I feel refreshed, but something feels different. My beed feels different. Somethinng feels... out of place.

I opened my eyes and the first thing i noticed was I wasn't alone in the room. Someone was sitting on my bed, with her back facing me.

"Hey..." I greeted in with a yawn (and rubbed my eyes baka may muta, and wiped my mouth just incase I drooled.)

"Oh hello. Good Morning," greeted Emma.

"You're up early."

"Yeah. Its a Monday." she answered.

"How is the hangover? Dalhan ba kita ng coffee?

"No thanks. I'm good. Di naman ako nalasing," I said

"Ah. I thought you were drunk kasi tinulugan mo ko," she said as she turned to look at me. On her knees I saw my laptop, and the light from the monitor gave her face a bluish-white glow. "I didn't want to wake you up"

The monitor was open, and on the screen was a white text area. I easily recognized this as the Text Document that I was working on the night before. I don't really mind her reading itsince its our agreement that everything I post goes through her first.

Hold on.

Pause.

Rewind.

Did she just say na tinulugan ko sya? What did she mean by that? I don't lock my door anymore she could've entered when I was sleeping. Did she enter my room while she was sleeping? I'm normally a lightsleeper but when tequilla is involved, I can sleep like rock. Anyone could've entered my room and I wouldn't have known about it.

OMG. She could've been in my room all night!

Then it dawned on me. If you have been drinking the night before and you wake up with a girl in bed the next day, whats the first thing that comes into your mind?

I suppose anyone doesn't need any more clues.

What happened next was happened in a very a fleeting moment. Its as if all of thinking power I can muster that morning got compressed and exherted instantaneously so I can remember what exactly happened last night.

So? What DID exactly happened last night? I'm sure I remember plugging the laptop to charging the battery. I remember staring at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come- but I can't remember one thing thats supposed to matter! I can't remember falling asleep! No one can! !#@$%@&!!!!

I fely my shorts under the blanket, mainly to check if I had one on. I don't wanna get up only to realize that I don't have any pants on. What am I going to do? Wrap myself with a blanket? The blanket. THE BLANKET! Why can't I remember covering myself last night with a blanket! Hmm... Maybe, if I can find a source of black light, then I can check if there are any indications of hair orbodily flui- wait. Thats CSI. Demmet Al! Think!

It was a moment when you are confident of your recollection of events but at the back you your head you know, you can never be too sure. Lol. Seriously, it was worse than being drunk.

"Hey... are you sure wala kang hangonver? You don't look so good." Emma asked.

Say nothing. SAY NOTHING!

"Uhmm... Yeah... So... how did I do last night?" (Demmet!) "I mean, hope you're not upset about what I've written." (Good save. Good save.)

"Yeah its OK. Ang drama mo nga eh", she said with a laugh while she closed the laptop monitor.

She laughed. Owgademmet she laughed! Two and a half 'Ha's! Magpapamisa ko sa Linggo! She Laughed! It's not the same laugh she had yesterday. It was subtler, softer, but no less infectuous.

I couldn't help but smile, not only because I heard her laugh again, but also because she's ok with what I've written.

"Thanks. Your approval means a lot to me right now," I told her. I said that. I really did. A few seconds later, I realized how stupid I must've sounded. How many in the world wakes up in the morning and tells their special someone "Thank you, your approval means a lot to me right now" ?

"You should get ready," Emma said as she lowered the laptop monitor and gave it to me. "Ortigas ka ngayon," she reminded me before disappearing towards the corridor outside my room.

Ok, now you're probably wondering what does my way of writing have to do with this. Well... this is it.

I sat up, opened the laptop, and checked the entry I have written last night.

To my surprize, the list of events that happened the day before has been changed. Not only were they changed, it was much longer! Emma normally doesn't edit the entires until I have completed them, but this time she has injected details to the events of the party herself!

Not only that, she already started drawing sentences and reconstructing the conversations we had with the people at the party. I started reading the unfinished first draft of the blog entry, and the first thing I noticed was it grew. It grew so long that we had to divide it into 4 parts.

All the while I was thinking that Emma was just making me feel miserable, she was paying attention to detail of the events that. It is as if the past three entries (Question and Answers, And Pamamanhikan Bow, and @the Party) were written were mostly based on Emma's accounts.

This got me confused. I thought she didn't like the blog anymore, but she has put so much effort into writing this much. Does it mean that she is not upset anymore?

I stayed on my bed reading eveything she's written. I was in awe. I admit I'm a bit slow when it comes to lectures on relationship, but I began to understand what Emma felt when she read the blog entries about her. As I scrolled down through the white spaces and the black alphanumeric characters, I slowly came to the realzation that these weren't my words anymore. This is not the entry I have written about Emma.

It was Emma writing about me.

What she did isn't easy. It takes me a long time to come up with an entry, and yet, she managed to enough to make four.

It made me think- was she awake all night in my room, writing this? Was she up all night, on my bed, watching me sleep? It is a totally different scenario than I was thinking about earlier. The words "tinulugan mo ko" suddenly had more possible meaning than what I initially thought.

I scrolled down to the end of the text, and at the last line, Emma wrote a note, in obvious anticipation that I would be reading what she has changed.

PS: I'm sorry about last night. You gave me a lot of things to think about. I get too concerned with other people say, butI realized that the only opinion that really matters to me is yours. also, I took your advise so I did some changes, I hope you don't mind. :D

PPS: Regarding my relatives, You did pretty good yesterday, actually. You don't have to worry. My family says you're ok. I'm very proud of you.

PPPS: If you happen to see my Aldrin, tell him to stop moping around and come down. Breakfast should be ready. I don't want him to be late. :)

"...Wow."

Those were the first words that came out of my mouth.

I imagined how each and every syllable would sound if Emma would speak those words to me- but attention kept on gravitating towards a single phrase.

My Aldrin.

The last time she mentioned it was through a letter. In that letter, she was advising me to stay away. I find it ironic that she used it again to invite me to breakfast. But am I complaining? Heck no. :P

"My Aldrin," I spoke to hear how it sounded. I wondered if I would ever hear Emma speak those words.

I closed the laptop and got up from my bed. When I stood up, I realized how good I felt that morning. Having your worries disappear sure is much better than a good night's sleep and nothing beats a good affirmation to start your day. It's magic really- the way she made me feel bad all day yesterday and how she can take it all away with just a few words. The very same magic that enables her to use word "sir" and can make me very upset, or make me forget all the problems I had for an entire day. The very same magic that makes her touch feel like I've just been kicked behind the knees and at the same time make me nervous as a stiff.

"Madrama nga," I said to myself in amusement as I recall Emma's words.

So... Did she spend the night in my room?

Well, thats for us to know and for you to speculate about :P

I left my room and walked down the corridor like its any other morning. I went down the stairs and turned towards the kitchen where the smell of freshly made coffee filled the air. As I entered, I greeted my Emma a good morning.

She smiled and everything in the world is right again.

@ The Party

2006-08-22T04:03:00.000+08:00

July 17, 2006, later that afternoon.

The good news is somehow we managed to survive the interrogation although we knew that admitting to whatever it is we have is inevitable.

The bad news is everyone at the party has their radar on us. Everytime I tried to talk to Emma while she was playing mahjong, dozens of pairs of eyes look up at us.

I tried standing behind Emma while she played, but I was becoming a distraction to the other people at the terrace. I was under surveillance, and my slightest move was monitored and recorded. I realized that Emma's family is very protective of her, and after Pat's stunt, standing beside Emma drew too much attention.

To avoid further questioning, I thought it was best to put some distance between me and Emma. I spent time with Apple, who I later learned was the daughter of one of Emma's cousins. I can tell the Apple is spending too much time in front of the TV. She opened the TV and manipulated the remote control with much versatility. She even knows the channels for Cartoon Network, Nick Jr., Hero Tv, and Animax.

I think she's seen all of the episodes of The Last Avatar, The Legend of Ang because she likes to tell what happens in the story before it actually happens. She is very... atriculate for her age- which is good, unless you have very sensitive ears (she talks like she's in the question and answer portion of Little Miss Philippines).

Apple and I were arguing over our favorite Powerpuff girl when Pat sddenly came and passed her baby/cousin/brother/neighbor's kid to me. She was in a bit of a hurry and before she bolted out of the door, she said something about someone waiting at their gate.

Fact: I don't know how to take care of infants, but I at least know how to carry a baby.

Rule #1: Don't drop the baby.
Rule #2: Always support the back and the nape.
Rule #3: If the baby needs a diaper change, see Rule #1.

So I'm carrying a baby. Its not a big deal right? Its not like its the first I held a stranger's baby (The last time was when we went to an orphanage as a Christmas outreach project for my org in college) Call it a learning experience. I didn't mind really.

Unfortunately someone else did.

The moment I stepped out to the terrace to check on Pat, someone revolted to the idea of me carrying the baby.

"Bat naman ikaw pa pinagkarga? Baka malaglag mo pa yan," Emma complained.

"Di naman," I replied. "Kung ikaw nga nabubuhat ko eh..."

Syet. I saw Emma's eyes widen. That sounded so wrong in so many levels. I can almost hear her shouting "OMG what the hell are you saying!?". Worse, my words attracted the attention of Emma's relatives again. Everything stopped. Everyone was waiting for me to explain what I meant.

"uuuyyy... ba't mo sya binubuhat ha?" Pat teasingly asked. This girl can suddenly appear out of nowhere at the most opportune moment to poke at us.

"...nung baby ka pa," I quickly added. I paused for a while to think if there ware other ways to say that without sounding too... erm... old. Wala yata. Moreover, I hoped that it was enough to save me from being grilled.

"ahhhh" Pat nodded her head with a silly smile. "Kuya Aldrin, linawin mo kasi".

"hehe..." I laughed in hopes that the grinning blog reader in front of me would not reveal more of what she knows. She is evil, I tell you. Evil. Her eyes told me she wanted to say something else. I pretended to rock the baby in my arms, but the truth is I just wanted to get some distance and turn away from Pat.

This was unnecessary though, because I found out that Pat has her own personal distraction as well. Her boyfriend, Erick, arrived. I can tell from what he was wearing, He came straight from ROTC training. I took his arrival as a cue to disappear and return to the TV with Apple.

As we continued to watch TV, I asked Apple for the name of the kid I was carrying. She said she didn't know so I decided to give him a name, just for the sake of having a name. It has to be a strong name. A manly name. A name that befits his stature. A name that will not be forgotten and will forever be remembered in the archives as the greatest name a guy could ever have.

A couple of commercials and an episode of Dextar's Lab later, Bob began to cry.

"Bakit sya umiiyak?"

"Hindi ko alam eh," I said. "Kilala mo ba nanay ni Bob?"

Apple just shrugged.

"Apple, pakihanap naman si Ate Pat mo. Umiiyak si Bob eh"

"Sige po," followed Apple. Polite, obedient, witty... Apple reminds me of her ninang in a way. I stood up and looked through the window to see where Apple went. From outside the door, she headed straight to the table where Emma and I had our lunch. Erick was eating and Pat was keeping him company.

"Umiiyak si Bob," Apple told Pat.

"Ano?"

"Umiiyak si Bob"

"Sinong Bob?"

"Si Bob!"

I was trying to make the baby stop crying, but I couldn't help but laugh while listening to the little girl confuse the hell out of Pat.

"Sinong Bob nga?"

"Si Bob!". Apple was very cute when she sounded frustrated (which again, reminded me of her ninang).

I wanted to laugh hard. Apple cannot get her pint across, and Pat was stumped on who this "Bob" was. About a minute later, Pat decided to follow Apple inside the house.

I waited at the door so as soon as Pat entered, she saw the crying baby. She realized that she just handed the baby to a total stranger, and forgot about it.

"Ay sorry!" she apologized as she took Bob from me.

"Ok lang," I grinned, not because I was trying to fake a smile, but because I felt I finally found the right moment to express myself in perfect ambiguity. :D

"Bakit Bob? Pat turned to Apple but the little girl didn't pay attention. She returned to her seat at the livingroom sofa and continued watching cartoons. She knew that with Bob on Pat's hands, there will be no more distractions from her late afternoon viewing pleasures.

I thought the same, but as soon as Pat passed Bob to his mom, she returned to the livingroom to ask something from me.

"Kuya, patulong naman gumawa ng drinks".

"Drinks?"

Pat explained the her Titas didn't like beer that much so she "volunteered" me to make one for them. I didn't like the sound of it because of Emma's reminder about her family's sentiments about alcohol during ocassions. Pat showed me a tall bottle of Absolut Vodka and some left over Del Monte Fruit cocktail. I could work with this- although I figured Emma would be my worst critic because she learned a bit of bartending during her stay in Singapore. But since Pat already "volunteered" me to bartend for the ladies, who am I to refuse?

When Pat said na "bitin ang isang bote", I knew that we have to get more. I suggested that we go the nearest mall which is SM Sta. Mesa. We (I, Pat and Erick) had to drive there but Erick was a bit intimidated because he was a bit shy- he didn't want to sit shotgun. Guess what? Both of them ended up seating at the back seat. Oh yeah. Picture that.

Buying alcohol together with 2 minors didn't look good either. Both of them are 17. Pat has already invited me to her debut next year.

Yay, I thought. Another ocassion to spend with Emma's family. Can you sense my excitement?

While at the mall, Pat continued her interview much to the annoyance of Erick who I think felt a bit OPed. I confided to Pat- but only enough to keep her questions answered. Even though Emma talks to her, I didn't want to reveal anything that may further aggrevate Emma. (If anything needs revealing, I think its best that Emma talks to Pat about it :P, the same applies to this blog, btw).

Talking with Pat revealed a lot of things. I learned that relationships its a big deal to the folks. It is imperative for Emma and her cousins and nephews that they tell their parents about their "baon". Apparently, Erick had to go through the same "intimidation" thing- and much worse because he and Pat were a lot younger. It's a bit of a relief knowing this because at least I know that the shock and awe tactics (aka, stare, threaten and intimidate) that was being applied to me isn't personal, but an intricate and elaborate standard operating procedure in their family.

Emphasis on "bit".

It was already dark when we left the mall, but we were able to find everything we needed:

For the Honolulu Cooler: Pineapple and Lime juice, Sprite (or 7-Up), and club soda.

For the Brandy Cobbler: sugar, dalandan slices (we cant find lemons XD), cherried, and more club soda. We substituted the fruit cocktail for orange slices, and we bought a single bottle of emperador (because Pat told me that tito Fred has a couple of bottles of Fundador already.)

Pat took care of the calamansi for the Tequilla shots. (I didn't see Tito Fred bring in the bottles of Cuervo). I had to spend a bit for the drinks, but I didn't mind. emma wanted to be extravagant with the cake so I figured its ok If I kick it up a notch with the drinks. The good thing about cocktails is you can drink more, but compared to drinking straight, you still take a lot less alcohol.

Oh yeah, we also bought ice. And lots of it.

BTW, observe the legal drinking age and drink moderately.

There were already empty beer bottles on the tables when we arrived at Aunty Lo's house. The long table where we had our lunch was already occupied by most of Emma's male relatives, drinking ang laughing loud. On another table were the ladies, equally loud in chatter and laughter. I tried to look for Emma but I couldn't find her there. Erick and Pat setup a smaller table where the mahjong table used to be, and we began preparing drinks for the ladies. I did the mixing while Pat and Erick did the knife work.

The honolulu punch was easy to prepare because it can be made in one large batch, unlike the Brandy cobbler which has to be made individually.

"Wooooow", Tita #1 said. (Seriously, I need to review Emma's family tree.)

"Hoy Emma!" said Tita #2. "Boto ko dito!," she exclaimed, pointing to me.

The ladies at the table laughed, and some even agreed to what Tita#2 said, but I think its just the alcohol talking.

I blushed a little from the embarrassment, or maybe it was the alcohol from the tasting I made while preparing the pitcher of the honolulu punch, or maybe its the fact that I didnt realize that Emma was behind me, watching over what I was doing.

"Are you sure about what you are doing?" Emma asked, ignoring the laughter from the ladies' table. "It looks wrong."

"Hey... I had a good teacher," I replied.

I smiled at Emma, hoping that she would smile back- but she didn't. She just shrugged her shoulder and drank from a glass of Coca Cola. "I wouldn't know," she said.

She would know. She was the one who taught me.

"Pano nga pala kayo uuwi?" Aunty Lo asked. She was seating the near ond of the ladies; table.

"May dala po kaming sasakyan," I answered.

"Naku, magdadrive ka pa? Dito na lang kayo matulog"

"Nye," Emma was quick to counter Aunty Lo's suggestion. "San nyo patutulugin yan?"

"Sa sofa."

"Yan pa? Di makakatulog sa sofa yan," Emma said. "Di sanay sa di malambot yan"

Hey no fair....I have slept in wooden sofas before. And besides, her bed is actually bigger than mine. I was about to comment about that, but when I saw Pat looking at us, I decided to keep my mouth shut. Admiting to this crowd that I have knowledge about Emma's bed would be suicide.

"Sigurado ka? Kung magmamaneho pa kayo, baka mapano pa kayo"

"Ayos lang po yon," Emma assured Aunty Lo "Ako naman po ang magda-drive".

"Oo nga po Tita," I seconded. "Magaling naman pong driver si Emma."

Uh-oh. Big mistake. Emma gave me one of her sinister, angry, wait-til-we-get-home-because-I'm-gonna bury-you-alive look. I should've said "magaling mag drive si Emma," instead of saying "magaling na driver si Emma". I'm gonna be grilled when I get home.

I wanted to whisper an apology, but Emma already moved to the far end of the ladies' table, along with her glass of Coke. Knowing her, I should leave her alone for a while- I decided to approach and apologize later.

I thought things couldn't get worse that night but, again, like the many assumptions I made that day, I was wrong. Tito Fred came over and handed me a glass of Fundador, and invited me to sit at the guys' table, specifically on his left. I can tell by the red tint in his face (and by the smell of his breath) that he has downed enough alcohol to keep him in bed all day tomorrow. I wondered how many days he has skipped work because of hangovers. He reminds me of Marlon Brando from the Godfather. Make that a cheerful, loud-laughing Marlon Brando. Okay, a cheerful, loud-laughing Marlon Brando, with a bit of Max Alvarado thrown in. A grinning Marlon Brando, with the contrabida mustache of Max Alvarado in a peach and green shirt with palm tree prints. O-ha. Bagets.

I was listening to them talk, when suddenly tito Fred put his left arm on me. He was staring at me and in a very intimidating manner, he began to whisper at my ear.

"Nag-iisa lang yang pamangking kong yan na maganda," says Tito Fred whose face can only get redder and redder. "Di ko kayo tututuluan pero kung lolokohin mo lang yan, pauwiin mo na lang dito. May matitirhan yan dito."

"Opo," I replied, eventhough I had a mixed reaction to what Tito Fred just advised me. I didn't know if I should take him seriously because he was drunk, or to be glad that he doesn't have anything against me, or to laugh out loud because he said that Emma is the only one who is beautiful among his nieces.

(PS: Pat, if you are reading this, I know your uncle was drunk at that time and a lot of people talk nonsense what they are under the influence of alcohol, so I really hope that you don't take offense when say: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! XD)

Above all, I was glad. For the first time since being invited to Aunty Lo's party, nakahanap rin ako ng kakampi. Sure, he was drunk, and He will probably forget everything he said that night, but still- it felt really good that I got his approval. Hehe

"Hoy Emma, Ok pala tong baon mo eh!" shouted Tito Fred, finally releasing his arm from my shoulder. "Masunuring bata!"

"Baka nakatago lang ang kulo, nakabantay kasi si kumander!" some guy from the table shouted. It was then followed by laughter by everyone who heard it.

Great. Now my relationship with Emma is a punchline of jokes. I began to doubt that I was being taken seriously, but I just laughed with the best of them.

I'm a fan of Pol Medina Jr.'s work and I've read that the characters in his famous comicstrip (Pugad Baboy) are inspired by real life personalities- but I can't believe that I'd be in a scene that would look like it was literally taken from one of the daily Pugad Baboy comics.

It was weird, looking at the people present in that party. It feels like one, big happy, strangely dysfunctional, family- which somehow works out and gets by in the end. I really enjoyed laughing and listening to their stories (and sharing my own). It almost made me forget that Emma is still angry at me.

Almost.

A couple of hours and about 4 bottles of beer later it was time to call it a day. (I could've had more, but I was watching what I drink. I easily got dizzy with all the hard liqour I had earlier that evening)

Aunty Lo has already turned in, and some of the guests have already left. I took my chance to watch Emma at the ladies's table. She was in a giggling session with Pat and another cousin, Gale who was only able to join the party about an hour ago. I could swear I heard her laugh- it was the same as the loud laughter I heard from her earlier that day.

I hoped I could hear more of it but Emma's smile disappeared when I joined them, and this made saying goodbye more difficult. I didn't know if I was able to leave a good impression among her relatives. Moreover, I was concerend if Emma was impressed with the way I bahaved that night. to me, her opinion is more important than what her relatives think of me.

We walked back to the car. I felt relief at the idea that we were going home at last. But as soon as we were in front of the car, where we were too far to be heard by the people at the terrace, Emma complained.

"Katulong na nga, driver pa," she sighed.

My heart sank when I heard that. Part of me wanted to confront her but with all the alcohol I had that night, I don't want to say anything else. I may just offend her more. I just pretended not to hear her and went to the gate to open it.

When I got back to the car, Emma was waiting with her hand open.

Maybe this is a sign. She was trying to discourage me from coming to the party all day yesterday up to earlier this morning. Maybe her attitude towards me all day is a signal that I'm being invasive. Should I "back off" a little? Should I "back off" a lot? Maybe the idea of being a couple isn't such a good idea after all. (or maybe I'm over analyzing the situation again?)

I sighed, but I exhaled softly so she wont notice. I didn't want to argue anymore. I yield. She has treated me so roughly all day, but I'm sure she has some reason for it. She may not reveal it to me right now (or ever), but I trust her.

I just handed her the keys and said the only words I knew that won't make things worse:

"Emma, I'm sorry."

Ang Pamamanhikan. Bow.

2006-08-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

Writer's note: This entry is part 2 of a series that took place a couple of weeks ago. The entire entry has been finished already, but my beloved editor and I agreed that releasing it in 1 blog entry would be too much. We ended up breaking up the story into a number of parts. Also, to avoid confusion, we'll be including the actual dates when these event actaully occured.

July 17, 2006

It's a Sunday afternoon. It's a bit rainy, but other than that, everything is ok. You don't have work today. You actually have the free time that you've been looking forward to all week. What to do... what to do...

There's Church, although some choose to go to mass earlier in the morning, rather than the afternoon. You can visit the gym- sayang naman yung membership fee kung di mo gagamitin dbia? You can try calling up your friends and officemates and meet up at b_connected @ Greenbelt or Phoenix @ Jaka Center for a DOTA session. Or if you don't feel like going out, you cna just stay home, grab a book or the TV Remote, put your feet up and relax.

On top of my head, I can think of many (un)productive things to do on a Sunday. Being in a middle of a crowd of strangers while being asked if I'm there to ask Emma's hand for marriage is not one of them.

Pat's voice still rang in my head. "Namamanhikan".

Imagine watching a fragile vase falling in slow motion. You know its going to break and you can't do anything about it. You can only watch while the inevitable takes place. The vase hits the floor and the glass shatters into a pieces with a loud piercing crash. It takes a couple of seconds to sink in, but as soon as the brain processes the information, you know all the kings horses and all the king's men will not be enough to put humpty dumpty together again.

"Magpapakasal kayo?"
"Kelan ang kasal?"
"Kayo na ni Emma?"
"Kelan pa?"
"Pano ka nya sinagot?"
"Hindi nga?"
"Eh diba may girlfriend ka na?"
"Pano magiging kayo eh para na kayong magkapatid?"
"Magnobyo na pala kayo, bat di mo man lang sinabi?"
"Madalas ba kayo mag date?"
"Eh lagi kayong nag-aaway diba?"
"Matagal na ba kayo?"

Questions after questions came, but I did not dare give an answer. All that left my lips was embarassed laughter. It's not that I can't answer their questions myself, but I thought that Emma would prefer to answer them herself, because after all, this is her family, and I'm just the person that she happened to tag along.

"Its out now," I thought. after the initial questions, Emma's relatives began stating their hypotheses and opinions (some of them weren't exactly nice, but they were under the guise of jokes.), but I just ignored them. Pasok sa kaliwa, labas sa kanan. My cheeks begin to hurt from smiling, hoping that my non-response would make the qestions stop. In my head, I can't get rid of the mother of all interrogatives that Aunty Lo asked (no pun intended):

"Alam ba ng magulang nyo yan?"

I knew things were becoming serious when some of the mahjong players stood up to get a better view of the interrogation.

"Asan na ba yang batang yan?" asked Tito Fred. The Alpha male spoke, and everyone else around me fell silent. "EMMA!"

So... Where was Emma when all these was happening? She was inside the kitchen, washing Apple's hands after eating ice cream, totally oblivious that I was surrounded be around a dozen of her relatives, each is eager to know the story between us.

"PO?" Emma responded to tito Fred's calls.

"LIKA NGA DITO SAGLIT."

Tito Fred's voice was loud. Its not loud enough to be a shout, but it was modulated and I knew it caught the attention of everyone in the terrace. I couldn't determine if he was angry or not, but I felt a bit... harassed.

"Bakit po?" Emma asked, finally stepping out from aluminum swinging door. She walked straight to Tito Fred and took his hand andraised it gently to her forehead.

"Yang baon mo, mamamanhikan na raw"

"Sino may sabi?"

"Si Patricia," told Tito Fred. I would've loved to raise my hand and point it accusingly at the culprit.

Emma knew that she didn't have to ask. Pat is the only one she told about the blog. She gave an angry look at Pat's direction. Pat, on the other hand, was grinnig.

I thought it was ironic that Pat's grin looked very similar to Emma's. Among her female cousins, it was Pat who looked like Emma the most. Also, I have to state that it is an established fact that Emma looks prettier than Pat. If I don't, I'll be cooking my own meals for at least a week. (Editor's note: make that a month)

I thought that they would have a staredown, but Emma turned her attention to me instead.

Emma is a genius at mind games. I could never win against her. She can easily get away from tight situations without breaking a sweat. I know this because since we were young, I was her co-conspirator. As do all children, we took matters into our own hands to avoid being grounded and scolded. Believe me, conspiring under the watchful eyes of two single moms is a difficult task. We found it necessary to communicate without the use of words. Because of this, we got to know each other so well, we can finish each other's sentences. I dare say we can practically read each other's minds (well, at least Emma could. She can still catch me off guard, which, I must confess, is kind of a turn on lol).

At the very moment Emma looked at me, her eyes were enough ot tell me that she has a plan, and if we were to survive the day, I would have to ride with it.

Emma began by reacting to Tito Fred's statement. "Yuuuuck, yan? Ew!" she revolted.

Ouch. Pandirian daw ba.

"Eh di nga makapagcommit sa girlfriend nya, mamamanhikan pa?" she added.

Hey. C'mon. Below the belt na yata yan ah.

Pat began to chant "LQ! LQ! LQ!"

"Nako isa ka pa. Pahamak ka rin eh"

"Teka...so... hindi kayo?", one of her male cousins asked.

"Nako... May girlfriend na yan no," she said and she walked over at the mahjong table to take a seat. Clever girl. See? She's already walking away from the issue.

"Baka naman di makapag commit dahil sayo," one her tita's said.

"Ewan ko ba dyan."

Ok... I'm now labelled as a guy who can't commit. I think I liked it better when I was being confronted with the pamamanhikan accusation.

I didn't mind all the teasing and attention I'm getting earlier, but Emma's "disgusted" and "he can't commit" remarks kept gnawing at the back of my mind. Sobra naman to. Do I really have commitment problems? I began to think that Emma's words were half meant rants. It felt like Emma is angry at me for a reason and rather than tell me about it, she wants me to realize it myself.

The tension has died down. Nothing to see here, false alarm kuno. Some of the crowd began walking away and going about their business.

The mahjong players started playing and the sound of the shuffling of mahjong pieces has masked Emma's comment and I wasn't able to understand. I walked back into the house to give Apple the icecream cone thats been melting in my hand. From the corner of my eye, I can see Emma's relatives staring at me and I'm sure I can hear them whispering as well.

Oh boy... This party is far from over.

Questions and Answers.

2006-07-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Emma reminded me. "I'd hate to say 'I told you so' pero ikaw ang nagpupumilit."

"Really its ok," I answered. "I was invited so ano ba problema?"

"Wala naman. Left"

"OK- I don't see a problem. I've met them already diba?" I asked as I steered the car according to Emma's instructions.

"Correction," she replied. "You've met SOME of them, AND ON different occasions AND ON different places- Left ulit dyan - You've never met ALL of them- in one place at the same time".

"Yes, but my impression was they're ok naman," I argued. The roads are starting to get narrow and negotiating with tricycles is proving to be difficult. "Don't tell me- you're embarrassed?"

"No!" Emma answered. "Ikaw bahala. Basta. DONT say I didn't warn you".

Those were Emma's words. I should've listened.

It all started a few nights ago- Wednesday, I recall- I was in my room, writing some email to my mom regarding her trip home when the phone rang. Emma is the one who usually answers the phone (because sometimes I'm too lazy and I pretend not to hear it ringing), but at that time, she was still at the office, filling in a time quota. I got up, picked up the cordless and answered.

"Hello, pwede po ba makausap si Emma" replied the guy on the other end of the phone. He sounded like a teenager.

"She's not around. May I take a message?"

"Po?"

"Ah- Wala kasi sye eh- May pagbibilin ka?" I was a bit amused at the caller. Maybe he got intimidated because he didn't reply. The next voice I heard on the phone was of a woman, and she sounded much older. Unlike the kid, I recognized her voice- She was one of Emma's relatives... I think.

"Ay hello, Aldrin ikaw pala, wala ba si Emma dyan"

"Wala po eh, Mamayang 9 (pm) pa po sya nagpapasundo sa office," I answered. I didn't ask her name even though I was unsure of who it was that I was talking to. I thought that it would be rude because she remembered my name, while I can't remember hers.

"Kasi birthday ko sa Biyernes, pero yung handaan sa Linggo"

"Wow. Advanced happy birthday po," I greeted. "Ilang taon na po kayo?"

"Nako mag sisisenta na ko," she answered followed by a laugh. I don't know whats wrong with me, but I find it easier talk to older strangers than with people around my age. We chatted for a bit and that is how I got myself invited to lunch for the birthday celebration of Emma's "Tita Lorenza" aka "Aling Loreng" aka "Aunty Lo".

Fastforward a few days later, and here we are, driving to her tita's brithday. Along the way, Emma was trying to convince me that I shouldn't have come along. "Pagsisisihan" ko raw.

I had difficulty making the narrow right turn into a small vacant lot where other cars were parked. The lot was uncemented but the barren areas and the uneven grass suggested that this lot was used as a parking space by the surrounding households. After parking, we entered a small iron gate made of fencing wire- and there we were: We are at Emma's Aunt's place- and I was about to meet her family.

Like what Emma said, it wasn't the first time for me too meet some of her relatives. I've met some of them- like her mom's sister- when they visit Emma or her mom at our house. Birthdays and holidays usually.

It is, however, my first time to be a visitor in their house- and I was really excited about it. Secretly, I was hoping that I could meet up with some of her cousins that I've met before and dig dirt on Emma- para naman may pangganti ako. Nauubusan na ko ng pang-asar sa kanya eh.

Emma walked in first and she led me into a small clearing beside the terrace where most of the people were gathered. There were several long tables and around them were a mix of monobloc chairs and wooden benches.

The people? The people were crazy! Its as if each table has its own party- Everyone was laughing and yelling and teasing each other- and alcohol wasn't even being served yet (more on this later). I listened to them as I followed Emma towards the terrace- Ang lakas nila mag asaran. I took a quick look at Emma and I came into a blinding realization: This is where Emma gets it. This is the reason kung bakit ang galing nya mang asar. Her family members grew up teasing each other- they would take each others' flaws and use it in a witty comeback for jokes and stories. I could just picture Emma going head to head with her relatives with the puns and wisecracks.

I felt really good coming to that place. I thought that my own family is a bit too..."poised" for this kind of fun. Just watching the guests made me smile and Emma noticed it as we stepped into the terrace.

"Ba't naka ngiti ka?" she asked.

"Wala lang, masaya dito eh," I replied with a grin.

"You look silly," Emma said with a whisper. "Umayos ka naman please. Ayan sila."

Hearing Emma say "umayos ka naman please" felt a bit harsh- I thought that maybe she isn't really embarrassed by her family. Maybe, she was embarrassed of me. This realization wiped the smile from me face. I've decided to be serious and well-behaved. Like what my lola used to say, "Its only right to be polite in someone else's house".

As soon as Emma stepped into the terrace, she was greeted by everyone. She kissed and greeted the celebrant, Aunty Lo, and hugged her other titas. Everyone was smiling, everyone was happy, and everyone was busy asking how everybody was doing. Our family gatherings were never like this- reunions were always held in restaurant somewhere- maybe because most of my relatives have migrated out of the country. Events like birthdays are rarely close to home (literally). Here, everyone was close to one another, and no one can interrupt the chatting and the laughter.

Except when a stranger steps into the terrace makes the caged dog start barking. Yup, that’s my entrance.

"Oy, andyan ka pala!" said the old thin woman wearing a bright red and orange dress. I recognized her voice from the phone conversation a few days ago.

"Happy birthday po," I greeted Aunty Lo, as I took a stepped forward towards her to give her the cake that Emma picked out.

"Ay. Thank you!" Aunty Lo replied. "Ikaw naman Emma, Di mo naman sinabing kasama mo pala mo sya".

It felt good hearing Aunty Lo say that. Although I'm not her relative, it reminded me of that "Ang paborito kong apo" McDo Commercial years back. It made me smile, but that smile was short-lived.

"Mahirap na kasi iwan sa bahay," said Emma while taking cake from Aunty Lo and placing it at the dessert end of the buffet table. "Baka masaktan, lagot ako sa mama nya"

A few of her relatives laughed, and I saw Emma looking at me. I knew she was trying to find out if I was offended by the strangers at her joke at my expense. I'm not really affected by what insults she says, but at that day, its was the way she said it that concerned me.

Her tone sounded like she was genuinely annoyed. It made me feel like I did something wrong but I couldn’t figure out what it is. Call me dense, but I can be very insensitive about these things.

Looking around, I figured that this is not the place to talk about it. It was a birthday celebration, and I didn’t want to spoil everything by being insulted or worried. I shrugged it off and smiled.

We arrived around 1pm and many of the guests have eaten already. Emma and I were given plated and lead towards the buffet table.

"Di ka sanay no?", Emma asked.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Nakakapanibago". I was a bit relieved that she talked to me, but in a way, it felt bad because I knew she was pointing out differences between my family and hers.

She was talking about the food, and what were served at Aunty Lo's birthday were not like what I normally get to eat. There were grilled veggies and seafood, karekare, pancit, embutido, fried chicken, and others that I cant recall the names. I noticed that Emma was watching me when we got our food. Hindi naman ako maselan, but she already used the perfect words to describe the experience: hindi ako sanay. If I would compare it to a restaurant, I would compare it to Cabalen.

We sat at the table together with most of her immediate relatives. The food was very good actually. I planned to return to the buffet table to taste the other foods that I wasn't able to get, but I kept to my thoughts and remained silent and behaved. (Sayang kasi when I noticed that Emma was looking at me at the buffet line, kinontian ko yung kinuha ko). I spoke only when I was spoken to, politely smiled when someone cracks a joke, and when I was asked questions, I made sure that I gave a satisfactory answer.

One would think that the best environment to eat is with family and friends, with everybody laughing and telling stories. Even though I was smiling at that time, surround ed with friendly faces, my thoughts were still focused on Emma. Underneath the small talks with the people around the table, I was still worried about Emma. I was still searching for whatever it was that I did wrong, and that killed my appetite. I finished my plate, placed the spoon and fork together as a sign that I was finished.

I waited for Emma to finish eating. I watched and listened to her eat and talk to her relatives- she was having such a good time that I just wanted to be invisible- I didnt want her to think about anything else. I didnt want to ruin the laughs and chatter that she was enjoying but she noticed that I've finned lunch ahead of her.

"Umupo ka na lang, ako na" she said as she got up and took my plate so she can put it away.

"Tulungan na kita..."

"Ako na," she interrupted with a stress on her voice.

I couldn't do anything about it. I felt like a small kid. Sumunod na lang ako. She put away our plates and I kept quiet and listened to the chitchat of her relatives. They seemed to enjoy their conversations very much, and I enjoyed listening to their stories very much. It made me remember that time when Emma was talking about her Singapore experience. I enjoyed listening to her then, we can talk for hours but right now, she doesn't seem to be in a talking mood.

Emma was gone from the table a long time. I was beginning to feel a bit awkward since apart from the familiar faces, I don't really know much about her relatives. I looked for her and I saw her coming out from the kitchen door, and with her was the cake we bought from Sugarhouse. We stopped by Rockwell Powerplant before heading to the birthday. Emma wanted to be a bit extravagant about her tita's birthday because she was her favorite relative. I remember when she was a lot younger; she would stay for weeks at her aunt's place every summer. I assumed that Emma has a lot indebted to her tita and this is her way of showing her appreciation. I thought it was very sweet of her.

Emma has taken cake outside the box and has lit a small candle (which is odd because the cake didn't come with a candle) for the birthday song. I found her relatives' reaction funny when it was time to cut the cake. At first, they want to taste it but they kept commenting that they didn’t want to "destroy" it. "Makakain ba to?" Aunty Lo asked. "Parang plastik eh."

I smiled when I heard Emma laugh from that comment and when I thought about it, it’s rare that I hear her laugh in such a way. It was so unrestrained- and she didn’t mind if it was too loud because everyone else was laughing. I sometimes think that being with my own family (or specifically, me) would mean that she would have to act in a certain way. She was so comfortable- perhaps that time, she didn’t have to worry about putting the best foot forward. In that place, it was ok for her to let down her guard. She was in the presence of her own family after all.

And a thought occurred to me: does she consider me "family"? It’s a yes or no question I've asked myself before, but I haven't concluded with an answer because I felt like its a lose-lose situation, but it’s a question that we both have to ask ourselves.

"Ayan o," said Emma while handing me a small plate and a fork. I didn't notice that she got me a piece of cake.

"Thanks," I said, ignoring the tone of her voice that made me feel that she didn't really want me there.

I was walking back to the table with my cake piece when Aunty Lo held my arm.

"Aldrin, Ikaw muna umupo dun sa mesa ko."

I looked at the "mesa" she was referring to. It was a mahjong table and 2 of Emma's titas and one of her male cousins were waiting for the fourth player. It wasn't much of a gamble since they were just playing with one peso bets.

"Ayan may mapeperahan na kami," one of Emma's titas commented. They easily knew that I was a newbie in mahjong when they saw how clumsy I was with handling the mahjong pieces.

I know how to play mahjong a bit. I watched my Lolo play with his colleagues it when I was a lot younger. I thought that they have different rules because when I watched them play, they had different calls and moves. It felt like what I understood from the game from watching my Lolo and my mom and my uncles was useless but hey- at I know what the pieces are called. I told Emma about this so she pulled a chair and sat behind me. She was my "miron", my coach. I mentioned before that Emma is a competitive player- and I think that is her competitive nature that makes her a kind of a... "mean" coach. In one of the games, I accidentally revealed my hand, and she pinched me. Negative Reinforcer. Ako pa raw yung makulit. I guess being half Taiwanese, she has some sort of in-born affinity embedded in her genes. Since Emma was doing most of the playing, this gave me time to eat the cake lol.

Whenever I don’t know what to do next, she would whisper at my right ear. Sometimes she would even lean over and pick up the next mahjong piece from one of the stacks. This got me really fascinated- she wouldn't immediately look at the face of the mahjong piece, but she feels it first with the tip of her middle finger. "Pinipintahan" or "keeping the suspense" she calls it.

"Ang cute mo naman. Ba't di mo na lang agad tignan?" I asked her. I may have said that a little too loud because Emma elbowed my side. Her titas may have heard me because I caught their eyes shift from their blocks towards me for a second.

"Kelangan eh," Emma answered. "Ang panget kasi ng diskarte mo kaya balance lang."

Ouch. She shot me again. I felt really embarrassed when I noticed that her titas were giggling. Its a good thing that Aunty Lo came back. I really wanted to walk away from the embarrassment.

"Natalo ba?" Aunty Lo asked.

"Di naman po gaano," I replied with a smile.

"Pag wala kang ginagawa dun sa inyo, pumunta ka dito para lagi kaming may kalaro"

I'm beginning to see what Emma sees in her aunt. Even if I may have done something to offend Emma, I still felt welcome in their house. "Susubukan ko po," I told Aunty Lo.

Emma kept quiet beside me when I was talking to her aunt. When Aunty Lo relieved us of our position at the mahjong table, Emma spoke to me softly. "Tara dun tayo sa loob."

She escorted me inside the house into the living room she she asked me to sit at the wooden sofa. It was much cooler inside the bungalow house. The big fan at the center of its high ceiling began to rotate when Emma turned on the switch at the wall opposite the door.

This is as private as it can get, I thought. There were kids in the living room with us. I assumed them to be some of her nephews or the neighbors' kids.

"Is there anything wrong?" I asked. I genuinely felt bad that she's been annoyed at me all day.

"Wala"

"Galit ka yata eh"

"Hindi"

I knew something was up. Definitely something major. We grew up together. Although I can't say I know everything about her (I think it’s impossible for a guy to understand everything about a girl), I know her well enough to sense that she is upset about something. She didn't even ask why I was asking.

Awkward silence. She didn't want to talk- its one of those moments na mahirap mangapa ng sasabihin. I have no one to turn to so my focus began to flutter to anything that could catch my attention: The warmth of the afternoon, the gentle breeze of the wind blowing through the screen windows, making the light-blue green curtains dance, the hardness of the wooden sofa underneath the softess of the yellow embroidered throw pillows, the sound of children playing outside, and the splashes of running water from the kitchen which was concealed behind a small black divider. Ate Lydia told me that Aunty Lo and her late husband, like her, were once OFWs, and the perks of Duty Free shopping has filled their living room with electronics. I counted at least four- and these are not simple components- they were complete sound system- 5.1's at the very least. There were also a VCD, DVD players and a PS2 (probably used by Aunty Lo's son) underneath the big screen TV.

I was looking around if they have PS2 titles lying around when this little girl came running towards Emma. I'm familiar with her face as well. Her parents bring her over at our house Christmas to visit Emma and her mom. I think she may be too young to remember me since it’s been a while since Emma and I spent Christmas together.

The girl was shy, although she seem to know her "Ninang Emma" well enough to sit on Emma's lap

"Hello", I said, sliding closer to the two. "Ano pangalan mo?" I asked, trying to sound like a nice person.

The girl didn’t reply so Emma coached her into saying her name "What’s your name daw," I heard her whisper into the girl's ear.

"Apple po," she finally answered. It was cute to watch~ she said her name like she was introducing herself in a Little Miss Philippines pageant. I waited if she would quote a "kasabihan" after stating her name.

"Hello Apple," I greeted. "I am Kuya Aldrin."

"Ano daw?" I heard Apple whisper to Emma.

"Aldrin pangalan nya," coached Emma. "Say hello to your kuya Aldrin."

I really wanted to talk to the little girl so I waited for her to say hello. I smiled at her and I tried not to look intimidating.

"Boyfriend ka ni Ate Emma?" Apple asked.

"..."

Have you ever been in one of situations where you wish you can just press Ctrl+Z and undo a mistake? I'm sure I have.

If it were an adult who asked that question, I'd say "My relationship wish Emma is unique" or "I feel something special about her" or "we are really close." But how can you explain this to a child? How can you tell a 6 year old that my relationship with Emma is undefined, or vague, or "a blur of uncertainly but it just seems to work"? So I did what any self-respecting guy would do in that situation.

"Sa kanya mo itanong," I told Apple. I smiled and closed my eyes, because I didn't want to look at Emma when I just turned the table on her.

The truth is, we haven’t really talked about it yet. We have been getting along pretty well (except right now). I may be wrong but when it comes too my relationships, I apply the "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" rule (and yes, I've been into heated arguments because of that, mostly with women). Part of me was really curious how Emma will respond to the question, so even though I was facing Apple and smiling, I was all ears to the slightest sound Emma will make.

"Ewan ko ba sa kanya"

OK class, lets analyze.

"Ewan ko"- this simply means that she doesn't know. Combine that with the word "ba", its becomes "Ewan ko ba," which has a "confused" connotation. "Ewan ko ba sa kanya" means that she gets confused because of me.

"Anong ewan?" I asked her, I noticed that my voice got a lot louder, so I toned it down to a whisper. "Anong ewan?"

"Malay ko sayo"

Hmm... thats new. "Malay ko sayo", a tagalog expression which means she is not really aware about it.

There are a lot of things I want to ask her, but I just kept silent. There's a time to talk, and right now isn't one of them, I thought. Instead, I just talked to Apple about whatever it is that concerns 6-year old, which can be summarized into 2 syllables: TV

We were talking about Spongebob when one of Emma's cousins entered the room to give Apple a cone of ice cream.

"Paaaaaaaat!" exclaimed Emma who stood from her seat to give her cousin a hug. I think among her female cousins, she is closest with Pat. She came to our house as well, so I know her too and there was no need for introduction.

"Emmaaaaaa!", Pat replied.

"Aldriiiiiiiiin! Its so good to see you!", I said to myself since nobody seemed to care that I was there.

Emma asked about her studies so I assumed that she was in college. Pat was carrying her nephew-brother, cousin- I can't really tell. She immediately passed in front of me and sat between me and Emma.

They began chatting, and from time to time, Pat gave me a look. Maybe she recognized me, because I haven't seen her since they were bridesmaids in the wedding they attended earlier this year.

I couldn't really hear what they were saying because they were talking in whispers. I decided not to pay attention, at least until I heard giggles. OMG they giggle a lot. I can't remember seeing Emma giggle before. She really looked cute when she giggles- but when she noticed me looking at her, her face suddenly turns serious.

I felt out of place. It a good thing that there's Apple to talk to. She stood up from Emma's lap and sat beside me to eat her ice cream. The kid was kind enough to offer me a lick, but I declined.

The giggling session was interrupted when Emma's tita (I didn’t know who) called her from the screened windows. Emma stood up and went to talk to someone at the aluminum doors. The only people who remained seated at the sofa was me, Apple, Pat and her cousin/nephew/neighbor's kid- I didn't really ask. It was awkward for a few seconds, because I didn’t really know what to say to Pat, except "hi" with a smile. I should've just kept my mouth shut.

"Hi kuya..." Pat replied. "kelan yung susunod na update, ha?"

I didn't know what to say. I was slack jawed. I need to go to that shop where Adam Sandler bought his Universal Remote and maybe, just maybe, this day can still be saved.

"Ay alam ko na, sama mo ko sa susunod na update," she said like it was a genius idea.

I forced myself to a smile. "Sige, I'll try."

Crud. It would seem Emma told her about the blog and she's been reading it religiously. Oh yes, I'll add her to the next update alright.

Emma returned to her seat and the 2 cousins commenced chatting.

It felt awkward sitting there, listening to them talking about this blog. If there was a list of things that drive me nuts, I thought that Emma reading the blog out loud was number 1. I was wrong, listening to Pat go on and on about the blog, asking personal questions, was the new number 1. You see, there are reasons why men like us don’t really like to talk about our feelings, and there are reasons why I didn't like talking about the blog in real life. Stomach-overturning embarrassment like this is one of them.

"Totoo ba yung..."
"anong nangyari nung..."
"wushuuuu..."
"anong ginawa mo..."
"edi nagtabi kayo..."
"yihiiieeeee..."
"kayo ha"
"edi pagkatapos non..."
"talaga bang..."
"kayo ha"

I couldn't stand it anymore. (This blog has gotten me into so much trouble; I'm beginning to hate this lol.) I looked over at the kitchen and checked if there was a knife around so I could cut my ears off.... Darn. Wala. I wish there's a way we can turn off our ears like the way we close our eyes.

"Kumusta first kiss nyo?" Pat asked with a laugh.

OMG. The forehead moment. Don't tell me they're going to talk about that about that?! I didn’t want to listen anymore but my ears seem to hear better. Sure, we've been holding hands, and texting each other more and giving each other embraces before going to bed and before I leave the house in the morning- there was even a time that she slept in my bed because she insisted to keep me company when I had to work overnight in front of the PC- but other than that, the forehead moment was all we had. (Hey, it’s not as bad as it seems, you know.)

"Actually nakiss nya na ko dati," Emma began to say. I looked around for a bunk or a hole that I can use as a rudimentary bomb shelter

"Diba nung debut ko, nagbeso beso kami nung dance namin?"

"Oh yeah- her debut" I thought to myself as I sighed in relief. I wouldn't have recalled that kiss if she hadn't mentioned it. All I remember then was I was one of her 18 roses. It wasn't much of a kiss because it’s a besobeso- and she gave each rose a kiss before the dance begins.

I looked around for an excuse to leave before Pat can ask another question. Bathroom? Too obvious. Play mahjong again? Too suspicious. Get more ice cream? That’s it!

"Apple, gusto mo pa ng ice cream?"

"Opo"

"Kuha kita ha?"

I stood up and excused myself to get Apple another cone of ice cream. I could've sworn I heard Pat snicker when I stood up. The screech of the springs the aluminum swinging doors made never sounded so beautifully until I pushed them to get out into the terrace. I walked casually towards the dessert table and looked for the Ice cream cones and the scoop. (Ubos na yung cake, and I'm glad that her relatives liked it)

I got the ice cream- but I didn't want to return to the living room yet. I took a peek at the mahjong table and the birthday celebrant is still there, with her sisters and the other guy (I didn’t catch the name).

It was in that situation where Emma's eldest Tito arrived. He was “Kuya Fred”, and Emma warned me about him. She said that if I want to avoid getting drunk, we should go home before it gets dark. Di nya ko paaalisin hangga’t di ako umiinom, and he believes that any guy hasn't really drank unless he is... well... drunk.

He arrived like an alpha male and in his hands were plastic bags containing bottles of Fundador and J&B (I think I saw a Carlo I in there too). I watched him as he walked from the yard, to the terrace and towards the mahjong table where Aunty Lo was sitting. From all the greeting that he received suggested that everyone knows him, and he knows everyone.

Except, of course, me.

"Good afternoon po," I said politely. I realized that I was blocking the way to the front door so I stepped aside.

"O... Kaninong baon ka?" he asked. It was the first time someone referred to me as a "baon". Not only did I feel intimidated, I felt insignificant. I was just someone who someone else dragged along.

Things got worse when I felt everyone's eyes on me again. I didn't notice that Pat was a behind me, she was carrying some clean glasses and putting them back at a small wooden table beside the long buffet table.

"Kasama po sya ni Ate Emma," Pat interrupted. "Namamanhikan."

Everyone became silent. "Help!" I thought to myself as I immediately looked around for Emma- She went to in the kitchen and I can't see her.

"Owgadamet."

(to be continued)

Coming Soon...

2006-07-14T19:08:00.000+08:00

I was having lunch with Marne (an officemate) and her husband when our conversation streered towards this blog. Marne is one of the few officemates who knows about this site. She said they read "In Similar Situations" the other night and she didn't know that I... er... we restarted updating the blog. She was curious about the future entries and I told her that Emma and I are both worried because our moms are coming home soon.

"The future is uncertain," I told her. "We are both waiting for them to return, pero nakakakaba talaga eh"

A few minutes after lunch, I got an email from Marne with an image attachment. She's a graphics artist and the image was her idea of a joke. Emma found it funny when I showed it to her.

Here it is:

Thanks Marne! lol

In Similar Situations

2006-07-12T15:31:00.000+08:00

It was dark already when we got there and I'm really worried about him when we parked the car. I looked at this face and I knew then that this situation is very difficult for him. I tried to tell him that everything is ok, but I know that he can asses the sensitivity of the situation better.

We exchanged numerous text messages and phone calls today regarding the trip that he was obliged to take. I asked him if it would complicate things if I came with him to Quezon City, and I even said that it was ok if I didn't come, but he insisted that it will make things easier for him if I'm there by his side. I said yes. I'll go with him. I can’t say no. I won’t say no.

And now... We are here, sitting inside the parked car. The objective is but a few steps away, and yet it felt like it was more difficult than before. On our way to park the car, people already saw us, and we both knew that there was no turning back.

I noticed that the fervor that I usually see in his face has left him. In its place were a blank stare and a look of hesitation which continuously deters my eyes. I can’t stare at him that long because it pains me to see him that way. He did not talk about his feelings but I knew he has the same pent up anger that I nurse inside me. We are in similar situations after all and this worries me. The object of his hatred was just a few meters away, across the street. I felt the weakness around him, and I knew that this time, even though I'm scared of surrounding myself with strangers, it’s my turn to be the sturdy one.

"Ok ka lang?" I asked moments after he killed the engine.

There was a brief pause before his reply and I thought he didn't hear me. He only noticed me when I unlocked the car door.

"Ha? uh... ok ka na? Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah. Shall we go?"

"Ok. Tara"

We got off the car and I walked towards his side. It was a quiet village and the sound of the car alarm activating echoed off the tall walls and apartments along the street. This attracted unwanted stares from the house across the street where we are supposed to go. I bowed my head and pretended to straighten the black pants that I wore earlier today at work.

We started to cross the street towards the house. From the outside I can see the yellowish electric light as it glowed on the flowers and the opened curtains. We haven't reached the yard yet but I was already overwhelmed by the atmosphere. The air was thick with the smell of different flowers. Beside the gate were guys, huddled together, obviously catching a cigarette break. They were the guys who saw us as we pulled over at the curb. I don't recognize any of them but it seemed that they recognized us because they gave us nods of greeting as we approached. I just smiled, nodded back and continued walking.

We've both been to this house before; at least that’s what I was told. I can’t remember because I was too young. It feels strange to see the actual place that I heard so many stories about. Sad stories. Stories of memories that people hope to forget. Stories that are a little too familiar. We went through the gate and noticed that tables and chairs were set up at the yard. This was a gathering, but this is certainly not a party. No one was laughing, but there were conversations spoken at a whisper. The people wee gathered in groups, most of them were older women, while the men were outside the gate.

We walked along the stone path at the yard and it lead to the wooden main doors of the house. This house is bigger than ours in Makati, but this one is older. "His grandparents used to live here", I thought. I've never really had an idea how his relatives from the father side live. The only relatives that I got to know were from his mother's side. Looking at the house and the people in and around the house told me that their lifestyles were totally different.

We stopped in front of the steps leading to the main doors. At the top of the steps was a man in his early 50's, and beside him was a woman who I assumed to be his wife. On their faces was the look of sadness and exhaustion. They wore tired smiles as they welcome guests. The wife has a disheveled look, it’s as if she hasn't slept well for the past few days. I couldn't help but compare. She looked younger, and even though she was in stress, I have to admit that she is pretty. "She doesn't look as sophisticated though," I thought to myself.

Although we were guests, my companion was reluctant to approach. I knew that we had to talk to this man because his was the only face I recognized in that place. I saw him first from the old photo albums in our house in Makati. Those photo albums were tucked away in a box and in a closet in an unused room in the house. Nanay scolded me when I opened them. Di ko na raw dapat pinapakialaman yun. I took a second look at the man at the doorway and I concluded that resemblance is undeniable. The man at the door looked so much like his son.

As we stepped closer, I heard my companion exhale a sigh. I could only assume that he was pacing himself- an act of self control. I knew that he didn't want to be in this place. He wouldn't have come if not for his deceased ninang, and he can’t believe that his mom actually forced him to come. I heard them arguing over it on the phone two days ago. He told me about this conversation with his mom, and even though they weren't really in good terms, his father is still his father, and she didn't raise him to ignore his responsibilities and obligations to his family.

"Pa..." Al said to get the attention of the man at the door. I knew that it was difficult for him to address him as his dad, knowing what his father had done, and knowing how he felt about it.

"Oi," replied the man.

One syllable each, nice greeting, I thought to myself. I've seen them talk before, but it was in a place with less people. I wondered if they were looking at each other eye to eye, but I couldn’t turn my head because it would've been impolite to stare, although I noticed that the people inside the house looked at us at the corner of their eyes. I can’t help but imagine that they were whispering about us at our backs. "Sino yung kasama nya?" I can imagine the people around us asking. I felt out of place- I'm not even part of the family, who am I to be in this funeral wake?

"Good Evening Aldrin," said the wife. I thought her voice would sound like a shrill of an evil witch who I characterized her to be in the stories from Tita and my mom. I was mistaken. Her voice shook but it was soft. She wore a smile, and I thought that she is uncomfortable in welcoming his husband's son that isn't hers, let alone speaking his name.

"Condolences po," I replied and gave the couple the mass card that we brought with us.

The situation is very awkward for all of us and I could only cling to Al's arm to tighter to remind him that I'm there with him, no matter what happened. The four of us wouldn't have moved, and the void was already beginning to scare me. The silence was broken when a young lady, who I later found out was Aldrin's Tita Vivian, his dad's spirited younger sister, noticed us and dragged us away from his dad to introduce us to some of Al's other relatives.

He didn't have the change to talk to his father again that night. I assumed that they are avoiding each other.

It’s a cliché, I thought- older men sacrificing their family just to be with pretty, younger women. The story is old and the details have blurred- but is, unfortunately unforgotten, and the characters remained unforgiven. If this were a book, I have read through it time and again, and yet I still don’t know who the dedicated mother should blame. The younger woman or the unsatisfied man? Now, looking at the characters directly, and how they lived their lives apart, I find myself not in a position to judge. It is a sad reality that they have to live their lives as a broken family- even sadder that the story of my own broken family has intertwined with them as well.

After being introduced to Al's relatives, we walked towards the casket where Aldrin's ninang laid in peace. I wondered how he felt. I knew then that his deceased ninang was the farthest from his mind.

Is it more difficult to live without a father, to have an entire life looking for that paternal approval of your existence but only to be eternally frustrated because he has denied you from the very start- Or to have a father but be disappointed because his morals are questionable, and he has no regard for the principles that you have been brought up to uphold?

He opened up to me years ago. He felt like sometimes, his very own existence was the very proof that his parents made a mistake- that if he was not conceived, then his parents could've lived without the deception, lies and pain that they had to go through. This was not far from what I feel about myself. We are in similar situations after all.

If this were a book, all I can do now is what I can do best: to stand beside the son. I looked at Al's reflection on the glass casing of the casket and tightened my grip on his arm. He turned his head towards me and his lips gave me a momentary smile.

This was enough to tell me that he will be ok.

-Emma Lew.

Slow (and Humiliating) Beginnings

2006-06-10T19:12:00.000+08:00

"Ano to?" she asked as the site was loading.

"Basta," I dodged her question, hoping that she would be able to answer it herself. "Basahin mo na lang".

"Ay teka pa-friendster muna," requested Emma.

"Wag na. It can wait".

I clicked a few links and took Emma to the very first post of the blog, and pointed the link that showed reader comments about the blog.

"Read the entries from bottom to top," I instructed her.

I leaned at the computer table and watched as Emma's eyes move as she read the entries word for word. I can't find it in me to read along Emma and I felt a bit embarassed to just standing there, knowing the Emma is reading what I wrote about us. Whats worse is Emma didnt read the blog silently, she would read it softly (,probably praciticing her CC skills again). The song "Killing me Softly" came to mind.

I cant stand waiting for Emma to finish the blog. I know that it doesn't take a genuis for her figure out that it was I wrote the blog and Emma waas the object of Aldrin's attention. I was nervous and tense. "How will she take this?" I thought. "She was just crying a while ago, baka lalo lang sya magalit. Did I make the right decision by showing er the site? Why does she have to talk while he reads?"

I stood up and began pacing around my room because I didn't want to sit there and wait. I need to focus on something else, but I couldn't find anything else. My attention gravitates towards Emma, and I cant escape it. She noticed this and asked if I was ok. I made up an excuse to leave the room, but as I opened the door, Emma stopped me.

"Don't go," she said.

"Di ako comfrotable eh. Just tell me when you're done reading"

Emma stood up and pulled my inflatable couch beside the computer chair. She then walked towards me, held my right hand and pulled me in front of the couch. "Dyan ka lang, ok?" Emma ordered.

I was powerless to complain so I sat down. I was glad that I did becasue Emma didnt let go of my hand when she sat down, and instead embraced it and used my as a pillow. She raised her feet and curled up on the chair as she stated to read the blog. I remember then when Emma's touch used to make me nervous. but unlike those times, Emma's cling calmed me down. Its as if she was tellingme that regardless of what happened, she wouldn't let go.

I can't imagine what Emma was thinking so I read the blog with her. She began to read silently so I can't tell what part she's on. I just followed whats on the monitor. Emma is very expressive of her emotions and that night was not an exemption. In entries where I wrote somthing that annoyed her, he punched my arm, and even pinched it hard enough for my skin to get red. In certain "lambing" moments, she would press her cheek hard against that very same arm. At one time, she took my hand and gavethe join of my index finger a bite.

"Grabe. Ganito pala sya maglambing," I thought. "Nananakit"

Emma has become clingy, but I didn't really mind. The truth is I'm curious how I really felt about it. I see other people do the same, but I've only assumed and imagined what my relationship with Emma is until now. I thought that considering our history, clinging and hugging are things that aren't really normal for us to do, but I realized then and there that I like it. I took a dare and placed my other hand on top of her clinging hand. Emma must've been surprised because she turned her head a bit to look at me. I thought that she'll pull away but instead, she gave me a small smile of acknowledgement and continued reading the blog. As she read, she playfully pinched my fingers between her own. "I could get used to this," I thought.

I would've liked for that situation to last longer but my cellphone interrupted us. "Sayang, ano ba yan".

I answered the call while Emma looked on. It was the office and they needed me to upload a file. I get calls like this everytime, but for me to do the task, I need to reboot the PC and switch to Linux.

"Emma, can you use the laptop?"

"Sure," she replied. Emma stood up and sat on my bed. I took my laptop from my bag and hooked it to my router, then handed it to Emma so she can continue reading.

As I waited for the PC to reboot, I kept turning my head to look at Emma, who has gotten comfortable on my bed. She rested her back on the headboard and covered legs with my blanket. When I asked if I should turn down the airconditioner, she just said that everything's fine.

As soon as I began uploading the files needed by my officemate, I carried the inflatable couch beside my bed and sat there as Emma continued to read the blog. I though about the letter Emma gave me and thought that the blog would be my version of that letter for her. I waited for her to finish with anxiety because I knew when I typed in that URL, there will be no turning back. There will be a lot of things to talk about.

"Sino to? kilala mo?" Emma finally spoke. Pointing to a avatar of a comment poster.

"Not really. Why do you ask?"

"Wala lang... cute sya eh"

"Eh mas cute ka," I thought.

She didn't speak again for quite some time. I thought she did had finished reading but when I looked at the monitor, I saw that she browsed back to the older blog entries.

"Is this true?" Emma suddenly turned and asked. "...does this 'Aldrin' guy think that this 'Emma' person si pretty?"

Ok. That put me in the spot. Way to hit the nail on the head. I looked at her and saw a slight frown on her face. I didn't try to worm my way out of the question and answered truthfully.

"I think she is pretty".

"Is she sexy?" She asked quickly after.

"Yes," I answered with much difficulty. "She IS sexy."

"Is she hot?", Emma asked, but at this point, nakahalata na ko. I saw the smirk even though she bowed her head to hide it.

"hehe Di na ngayon!" I joked.

"Sira ka talaga!" and Emma laughed because I found out that she was on to me. I was able to relax a little now that she was able to laugh about the blog. I initially thought that things would be very difficlut to explain to her.

"Bat ganito to? Sabi mo sumasayaw ako pero hindi naman," she said pertaining to the SOS incident.

"Oh yes you were-"

"-and you were checking me out." she grinned.

Touche. I tried to speak but no words came. All I felt was the blood rushing to my face (and I cant help but remember how she looked back then).

"See? Guilty ka no?" she sad while looking at me with a raised eyebrow as she shook her head. "Tsk ganyan talaga eh. I can look very good without even trying"

"And you can be very vain as well"

"Oh shut up," she exclaimed with a annoyed look on her face then continued reading.

"Will you still continue?" Emma asked she lowered the laptop display. She wanted to know what will happen about the blog now that everything is out.

"We'll see... You'll know naman eh".

She asked me a lot of questions about the blog and I came forward will all the answers. I mentioned before that we never really kept any secrets that are need to be told nor asked questions that are too intrusive, and I think Emma was being cautious to ask questions that may lead her to hearing those 3 words from the letter. Soon, the questions went beyond the blog and our conversation rolled on to other stuff, like expectations, hopes, and fears.

I can feel that both Emma and I were hesitant to talk, but the conversation gradually got rolling. She expressed her annoyances and peeves, especially the part of being kept outside the loop with Erika and Richard, although she told me she isn't that dense not to notice. She expressed some concerns about the tern "katulong" (A Few Words) and it resulted in a long talk which brought us to discuss privacy issues (stress on LONG).

We argued, we laughed, we annoyed each other, and I couldn't really tell if anything different now that we know that feelings are mutual. When we found ourselves laughing more and arguing less, I assumed that the conversation was going to end. Minutes later, Emma yawned and this reminded me that she's not used to staying up late.

"Antok ka na," I said.

"Dito na lang ako," Emma smiled as she hugged my pillow and covered herself from head to toe with my blanket. "I like your bed better, dun ka na lang sa kwarto ko"

"Yoko nga. Kanina lang ayaw mong pumasok dito tapos ako paalisin mo".

"Eh antok na ko eh. I'm too sleepy to stand up," she joked as she rolled and turned in my bed then finally curling into a ball.

"Ang kulet...," I told Emma as I stood up. "Edi dyan ka matulog. Gusto mo lang akong pagsamantalahan eh"

"Kapaaaaal," she laughed and threw one of my pillows at me.

I caught the pillow and sat at the edge of the bed. "Seryoso ka ba?"

Emma playfully covered her face up to her eyes and nodded.

"Ok. Ikaw bahala," I stood up to leave the room "I'll just lock up."

I wasn't really excited at the thought of Emma sleeping on my bed because this wouldn't be the first time for it to happen. There were times back when Emma was still studying that she would use the PC all night for a project, and back then when their A/C broke down. Whenever she pulled an all nighter, I always sleep sideways, facing the wall. I would wake up in the morning with her sleeping parallel to me, but with her head on the opposite side of the bed. I would stand up and tiptoe out of the bed so as not to wake her up.

I went downstairs to do the routinary lock up. Gates, check. Locks, check. Gas, check. Lights, check. I gave the first floor a last look before heading upstairs. This house is relatively smaller than most of the houses in the village, but its too big for someone to live here alone.

When I went up to the second floor corridor, I saw Emma just walking out of my room. I didn't know wat to say so I just followed her to her room. We stopped in front of her door and she turned to face me.

"I changed my mind. I think we should take things slow at least until we figure things out," Emma said. "Some other time, perhaps?"

"Yeah, you're probably right." I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed of her decision. I suppose I was a BIT excited about her sleeping in my room, but part of me thought that its impractical since there was no reason why she had to do that, after all, she has her own bed and her room is just a few steps away from mine. I didnt expect anything to happen anyway. Emma and I are in the same wavelength in thinking that this night has had too much excitement already.

"Thanks," said Emma "For this weird, yet surprisingly pleasant night".

She laughed then opened her arms for a hug.

I paused for a while. "Uh oh... is this a friendly hug again? Wait! Its a trap! What if it happens again? Goshdarnit Al! Don't think! Just act! You cant make her wait forever! Oh what the heck! Go for it you fool! Bahala na!"

I took Emma into my arms to give her a gentle hug. I imagned every blog reader raising score cards and giving me a perfect 10 for the hug.

"You know, since we are into revealing secrets and all, nung highschool pa I used to imagine hugging you," Emma confessed. "I hope its ok..."

"Ok lang," I replied. I found it amusing that I too used "ok lang" as a respose, but I didnt think she noticed.

"Pero talaga namang pacute ka sa mga classmates ko nun eh".

"Anong pacute?" I revolted. I wanted to break from the hug, but Emma seemed to pacify by simply laughing at my reaction.

"Joke lang," she grinned. Emma sighed and leaned against me. (I just concentrated to think about something else)

"Al...", she asked. "What will happen to us?"

"I don't really know," I said. "Pero para mo na ring sinagot yung tanong mo eh."

"What do you mean?"

"Diba sabi mo ' I'll always be yours, and you will always be mine, even if I don't want you'?" I answered. "Para ngang lyrics ng kanta yun eh"

"Wag ka naman magpatawa, seryoso naman yung letter eh"

"Eh seryoso rin naman ako ah. 'I'll always be yours and you'll always be mine'. Period. Wag mo na isama yung 'even if I don't want you'."

Emma need not speak for me to know how she felt about what I said. I already knew her reply when she tightened her hug around me. (Which is making things rather... difficult if you know what I mean)

"Yung sa Letter," I spoke to Emma, trying hard to ignore that she's hugging me tighter. "I'll try not to say those three words, but you already know how lousy I am with keeping promises."

Emma kept her hands on my back but she pulled back just enough to look at me. When our eyes met, I saw tears in her eyes for that reason, I had difficulty remembering what I was saying.

We stood there by her door. A couple of hours ago, we were standing at this very same place, but this time, Emma isn't upset. Even though there were tears in her eyes, she wears a gentle smile that didn't look any less hypnotizing. This is the closest I got to Emma and we're both feeling the warmth of each other's company. This is it, I thought. The moment is perfect. I'll do this. I took a deep breath and drew my head a bit closer to Emma's...

She didn't pull away. "This is good," I thought. Its as if everything in the universe is its its rightful place. I raised my left hand, and touched her right shoulder and moved upward until my palm met her neck and the back of her ear. Emma's head slightly titled, resting softly on my hand.

"Kaya mo to..." I thought. "You've kissed other girls before.... Ok this is it. Dont be shy, but don't overdo it either. Be gentle, and sweet. Don't force it. Go for a perfect 10 kiss!".

I imagined our friends and blog readers standing around us, cheering us on. The crowd begins to chant our names that goes faster and louder as my face draws nearer and nearer to Emma. Its like the last free throw of game 7 of the NBA finals with scores tied.

Emma's eyes closed and instinctively, I closed my eyes as well.

"Our first kiss," I thought. "Let the fireworks begin!"

My hand felt Emma tilt her chin slightly upward and I thought she was turning away from me. I panicked. I opened my eyes and landed the kiss on her forehead.

Owgademet. @#$^&*#%^$%&%^*@!#$!@#$^!!!!!!!

"Why (wtf) did I do that for?!" What felt like a kissing scene prefected into five minutes of John Woo's signature slowmotion cinematography took less than a second to ruin. Instead of a perfect ten, I imagined everyone getting angry while raising score cards with a big red 0. I crumbled into the pressure. "Everyone will have a field day with this," I thought. T_T

"... ano yon?" Emma laughed a little, obviously mocking me. "Did you just kiss me?"

"Uhm... I think so."

"Did I?" I thought to myself. I began to wonder if thats even considered a kiss. "Stupid Aldrin. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid! Thats a @#$@#$ kodak moment right there and YOU had to ruin it!"

"Thats one," she said with a smile.

"Ha? Anong one?"

"One. Odd number. I win again," she replied, her smile turning into a grin.

"Bat di ba tapos na yun?"

"Inumpisahan ko ulit yung bet"

"Pwede ba yun?" I complained. "Di naman natin napagkasunduan ah"

"Eh bat yung blog na yun, sinimulan mo ng di mo binabanggit sakin?"

Touche again.

"eh... iba naman yun eh," I whined. I couldn't believe how spineless I sounded.

"Wag ka na kumontra", Emma began giggling in a sweet way. "Lousy kissers can't complain!" added Emma as she momentarily stuck out the tip of her tongue.

"Daya... di naman dapat counted yung noo eh", I pleaded. "I'll do it again. It'll be much better, promise!" I felt like I'm back in my awkward pre-pubescent years.

"Sorry, thats enough for today," Emma let go of her hug and stepped inside her room. "But you know...forget what I wrote about those 3 words," she said as she gently punched my left arm. "I think its much better if we're open with each other."

Ok. I'm confused. Ano ba talaga? Say it or don't say it? Bakit ba pabagobago isip ng babae? T_T

"Ba't akala ko ba-" I tried to complain.

"-Sige we should sleep na," Emma interrupted. "Baka magbago pa isip ko," she said. "Goodnight 'Aldrin*'," smiled Emma before the completely closing the door.

"Goodnight 'Emma*'".

I walked back to my room contemplating on the day's events. I felt really disappointed with myself. "Sayang!" I said to myself as I entered my room. "Asa ka pa boy." See? I can even mock myself. I didn't know if I sighed or groaned, but it felt like my final breath before realizing that I cant do anything but accept the undeniable fact: I blew it. The forehead moment will definitely be the subject of Emma's jokes tomorrow.

I went to my bathroom to wash up for bed. "Maybe a real kiss with Emma is just too good to be true".

I prepared for sleep and checked my cellphone before lying in bed. It would seem I have a text message. I half expected that it would be Emma, most likely to tease me about what happened minutes ago. I was correct.

I thnk Aldrin can do btr nxt tym, wht do u thnk? :P üüü (trademark ko lol)

I laid on my bed and noticed that the bedsheet and the pillow still has the scent of Emma's soap and shampoo. It distracted me for a bit from replying to her text message. 4 my sake, I certainly hope so. T_T

Dnt wory. I hav very reliable inside info saying tht he will. mwah! gnyt üüü

I texted my goodnight and placed my phone on the small table beside my bed.

I closed my eyes and uttered my last words before gong to sleep : "Punyemas naman bat sa noo pa?," T_T

*Aldrin and Emma are not our real names, this would be the first time we addressed each other as Aldrin and Emma.

A Few Words

2006-06-08T07:37:00.000+08:00

Thanks to everyone who posted their comments.

I need to address a couple of issues before continueing with the updates.

I and Emma had a long talk after she read the blog. A detail of that conversation that I can share right now is Emma did find my use of the term "katulong" somewhat offensive and I have apologized for it.

She does refer to herself as the house help to avoid solicitors, as do I, although mukang mas paniniwalaan pa yatang house help ako keysa ky Emma.

I explained to her that the terms "maid" and "katulong" were used to add to the novely of this blog to get people interested. If you can click on the square tracker icon, and check the second Referrer Tracker link, you'll see that "maid" and "katulong" are the first and third among the top search engine keywords used to refer to this blog. If not for those "words" then people would not have been able to locate, or even be interested in our story. We would not have met the people who have helped and enouraged us through forum posts, comments and IMs.

I believe "maid" and "katulong" are just words, and at one time they were used to describe Emma and her mom. I was hoping people would notice that my perception of Emma has changed. You know, paradigm shift, that sort of thing. I have not referred to Emma or to anyone else with any derogatory intent.

This blog is what it is. What would "Maid in Makati" be without the maid? We can't change things just because some readers and hate mailers said so.

Rather than spam us with hate mail, please read the very first post of this blog instead. If you still find something offensive, I'll be more than willing to discuss it in a civilized manner.

Thank you ^^

Honesty Without Words

2006-06-05T17:22:00.000+08:00

“Emma?” I called out as I knocked on Emma’s door again, but still, she didn’t answer.

“You know I can see your shadow moving from under the door…”

I heard her bed creak, and the sounds of her slippers being dragged on the floor. The door slowly opened, but just enough for me to see her head. She cant look at me, but I can see that she was wearing her face with a heavy heart. I rested my head on the edge of the threshold

“Hi… do you want to talk?”

Emma just closed her eyes and shook her head

I can only imagine what is going on in her head. Maybe she regrets having given me the letter. She knows that things will change, but I'm still unsure what she really wants. I've always thought that everyone wants to find their very own someone. I've never been in a situation like this before. I want to talk to her but what can I say? I want to say the only thing that mattered but she didn't want to hear it.

"Ok... you don't have to talk, but can you at least listen?"

She bowed her head

"Thank you sa letter," I told her. "And I want to know-"

"Al, just don’t say it..." Emma interrupted.

I want to ask her what she really feels, but whenever I start to open my mouth, I'm afraid I'll just say something that will upset her.

She turned away, but I followed her face to take a look at her eyes.

"Hey...you ok?" I asked even though I know very well that she isn't. She just remained silent, standing at the half opened doorway.
I'm at a loss for words. I've nothing to do but to give her what she asks.

"Emma, if it would make you feel better, I'll try my best. I’ll make sure nothing will change,” I told her and I felt really bad about it. “I'm sorry"

As soon as Emma heard those words, she tried to turn her head again. She stepped back, and held the door to close it. She gave the door a strong push as she walked back to the direction of her bed.

Good thing the door didn't close. Why? Because my face was in the way. A loud "thud" sounded inside my head, and what was left was a small sore area near my left temple. I'm not kidding: MASAKET. Her intention was to slam the door, but she expected I'll pull my head out of the way. Its good that I didn't, else I wouldn't have found out that I'm allergic to wooden doors.

"Araaay..." I groaned as I entered her room. I was able to look at Emma better now that there's no door between us. She was wearing her loose pajama and sando that hugged her figure. Ready na sya matulog.

Emma heard my groan and turned to me to nurse the bump. I looked at her face and noticed her eyes were welling up.

"Sorry Al," she said in a weak tone.

"Macho mo", I said with an effort to make her smile, but it proved futile.

"Sorry... di ko sadya".

"Nah its ok," I comforted her. I wasn't in the mood to overreact. "But seriously... ang macho mo”.

I looked at her expecting a smile, but it didn't came. I knew that I really need to be serious when I saw tears from her left eye.

"Hey… bat ka umiiyak?"

"…Sorry talaga”

I knew than she was no longer referring to the bump on my head, but the content of the letter. She walked away and sat on her bed. She began sobbing as she turned away from me, prabably because she was embarrassed.

I followed her, but I only sat at the corner of her bed. I didn't know how to assess the situation. She just kept saying "I’m sorry Al, I’m sorry", with a bowed head, her bangs covering her face.

"What is she saying sorry for? I don’t find the letter offensive. I should just say that it’s ok, right?" I asked myself. I knew I had to make a move. I inched my way to her side. I wanted to open my mouth but no words came. Instead I just placed my left hand on my right shoulder.

Emma felt my hand on her shoulder and she looked at me. She was frowning and her hands shook. I tried to smile. "You know... nothing in that letter said anything about me offering my shoulder to cry on, right?"

Emma came closer and buried her face on my right chest. She began to cry and I began to feel my shirt getting wet from her tears. In between sobs, she keeps on saying "I'm sorry"

"Hey, there's nothing to be sorry about," I comforted her. "Its...ok"

I could've said right there that I have feelings for her too but I can't. I want to tell her everything but the letter's contents prevented me for doing so. I can't do anything for her and for myself.

Emma continued to cry. She said some things but because of the sobs and her muffled voice on my shirt, I barely understood most of it. The only sentences that I was able to make out were "I'm sorry about the letter", "I feel stupid", "Please wag mong sabihin (something) mama". I wasn't sure if she was referring to my mom or hers.

As Emma cried in my arms, I began to realize the magnitude of how she is affected by her feelings. It was upsetting to see her like this, and I too began to feel depressed. As Emma released her pent-up emotions, I arrived to a conclusion for my own feelings: I won’t say a word to Emma about it. I don't want to see her again like this. "It’s over. Its better this way," I convinced myself.

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes and Emma's sobs began to disappear. I patted her shoulder a couple of times then she pulled away. She neither frowned nor smiled, but she stopped sobbing. I stood to get her some tissue.

I walked towards the big dresser she sat in front of when I saw her applying make up on that day we went to Richard's cousin's party. As I looked for her tissue box, I saw the case containing the same pink and red lip sticks that she asked my opinion about.

"Red," I spoke to myself as I recalled the right answer to her lipstick question.

I raised my head and saw our reflection on the mirror. Emma was looking at me.

"Where do you keep the tissue?" I asked.

"Sa kanan. Top shelf," Emma replied softly. It’s good to hear her say something different. "Bulag," she added as an insult. I looked at her at the mirror and I saw that she flashed me a quick smile.

"Thanks," I said as I picked the box and walked towards her bed to give it her. I wanted to call her "Iyaken", but it seemed inappropriate.

I walked back to her bed to hand her the tissue. She has stopped crying now, although her eyes are still swollen. "Here you go," I said, handing her the tissue box. Emma stood up. "Thanks," she said.

Emma then buried her face on my chest again, but this time, since we've both standing up, she rested her head on my right shoulder. I just let her lean against me, thinking that she needed another cry. She took the tissue box from my hand and placed it on her bed.

We stood like that for a few seconds, and I was beginning to think that everything has calmed down. I sighed, thinking that everything will be ok, and that the night will end soon. It would seem I thought too soon because as Emma muttered "Thank you" for the second time, she slowly raised both her hands from under my arms and gently pressed them against my back. For the first time since being adults, Emma hugged me.

Nothing wrong with a little comforting friendly hug right? I humored Emma and patted her back. Emma rested her forehead on my shoulder so she can talk better.

"Feeling better?" I asked

She nodded in reply, which I initially assumed that she was just wiping her tears on my shirt. "Ang weird no..." she sad.

"Whats weird?"

"Na magkakagusto ko sayo," she answered with a subtle laugh.

"It's not weird"

"Yes it is," she argued, replacing the laugh with an embarrassed tone.

"Di naman ako nagrereklamo ah"

"Sinasabi mo lang yon"

I didn't know how to respond to that. I just fell silent and held her.

"Al, do you think we'll be ok?"

"Yeah"

"But I'm scared," She said in a soft tone. "I wish this could last forever"

I then thought hard. I can’t keep things this way forever. I looked at Emma, and with her so close to me, I told myself that I should be honest with myself. If I didn’t tell Emma what I feel, then not only am I lying to her, but I'm lying to myself as well. She needs to know, even if she doesn't want to. Whatever the consequences we’ll be, we’ll just have to work on it. Together.

What followed was a long silence- just the two of us, in her dimly-lit room, standing and hugging each other. I was beginning to feel awkward, and it only got worse when Emma held me closer. "Uh oh…," I thought. "This doesn't feel like a simple friendly hug anymore".

She held me tighter and raised her head so that her cheek touched my neck. The smell of her shampoo from her damp hair grazed my nose. As Emma held me tighter, I found myself reciprocating her actions. My left arm found her middle lower back, and my right hand wrapped around to her right barren shoulder. I felt Emma sigh repeatedly.

Now, I don't know if you will see me as a pervert, but I can’t be in that situation without... uhmm... eliciting some kind of reaction from me. I've always thought that Emma grew up to be a beautiful woman, and my attraction to her is undeniable right now. I wanted to pull away, but she didn't show any signs of backing out. My eyes wandered around the room, looking for anything interesting to look at, instead of just staring how her right spaghetti shirt and bra strap rested loosely on her pale naked shoulder. "Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts," I chanted to myself, but I knew its not working. I don't believe that there’s another time when I was more tensed than this. I was so aware of what my body felt, and what sensation every square inch of my skin is touching. I felt her hands on my back, and how each finger clutched a portion of my shirt. I felt my heart rate go faster, even though I tried to hold my breath to keep it down. I felt how my knee grazed the cloth of her pajama. What made things worse is Emma's breathing. My chest felt every sigh, inhale and exhale that she made, because every breath that she made, her-uh oh... I definitely need to step back!

"Uhm... Emma," I softly called her name as I pulled away from the hug. (Yeah, I had to pull away T_T I'm sure some of you guys have been through a similar situation. I don't think she felt it, but I can’t be too sure).

"Hmm?"

"What time ka matutulog?". It’s a stupid question to ask after pulling away, I thought to myself.

"Dapat nga kanina pa," she giggled with a sniffle.

"Do you think you can stay up a bit longer?"

"Bakit?"

"Wala lang... basta"

"...ok lang"

I didn’t mind the pause before the "ok lang" response. I'm more worried about my plan backfiring.

"Dun tayo sa kwarto ko". I didn’t stutter but I felt the anxiety in my own voice. I tried keeping a straight face while Emma looked at me with curious eyes. I smiled and quickly went out of the room. I took a deep breath as I took the first step out. Her room wasn't stuffy or anything. (In fact, its bigger than mine because her mom sleeps there as well). I turned around and Emma, who was still in her room, excused herself to go to the washroom for a bit.

As I waited for Emma outside her door, I took a quick look at the room, and I wondered how this room was supposed to be my room. My mom confided to me once that she and my father were planning on having 2 kids, and that this room was supposed to be our room, provided that we are both of the same gender. Since things didn't work out and Emma was growing up along side me, our parents decided that Emma and her mom should get this bigger room.

I leaned at the corridor and thought how my mom would react... but with what just happened inside Emma's room, Richard's knock-her-up-and-be-done-with-it plan briefly snuck in my head. I shook it off and my thoughts returned to my mother. I wish she could return home sooner. She is not the terror type of a mother, and she trusts me as a son as well (although, sometimes she trusts me too much even for my own good). If she was able to sit down with me and talk about the birds and the bees, then I think telling her about my feelings for Emma would be easier than I think. I was giving hints to Mama in our voice chat sessions, like "Ma, kelan ba kayo uuwi? Kami lang ni Emma nandito". She would just say something like "just don't do anything I wouldn't do".

My mother once confessed that she is the bit of the impulsive type, the reason why she got married at an early age. Later in highschool, in health class, I learned about things like child birth and 9 months of pregnancy. I got curious why I was born 2 months before my parents got married. That very same day, I found out what being a "love child" meant. My mom had a lot of growing up to do, and sadly for her, she had to under go through it alone. I think sometimes I remind her of my father, but she didn't love me any less. I guess she found the love of her life in Uncle Guy. I didn't really have any problems with their relationship, but when mama talked about Uncle Guy is not really an "uncle", I only had 1 condition: that they get married first if they plan to give me a younger brother or a sister. They still haven't married, but I can tell that they're doing well (and judging by the occasional strange noises that come from their room, yeah i guess they're DOING pretty well. I had to move my bed to the opposite wall because of that)

Anyway, I digress. I can picture my mom saying that I shouldn't be impulsive, and I should think about things first before I act. In relationships, her advice to me is "Wag mawawala respeto mo sa babae". I'm hoping that mom approves of what will happen between me and Emma.

I was in the middle of those thoughts when Emma appeared behind her door. I smiled and gave her a nod so we can go to my room, but I've only taken a few steps when I noticed that Emma hasn't moved from her spot.

"Tara..."

"Bat ano ba gagawin natin?" she asked.

"Basta, trust me ok?" I told her as I offered my hand.

I held her as she followed me through the corridor. We passed the stairs and a few steps more, we're in front of my room. I opened the door and stepped in. I took another step but Emma didn’t. She just stood at my door and grasped my hand tighter. I felt the tremble of her hand and I looked at her. She looked anxious and worried and scared to enter. I got curious why she looked that way as I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. I kept guessing what her thoughts were at that time, but no matter how much thinking I did, nothing could've prepared me for what she had to say:

"No Al, ayaw ko..."

Call me slow, but it took me a couple of seconds to get what she meant. I felt the blood rush to my head, and my brain informed me of how embarrassing the situation is. My eyes widened in realization as thoughts flooded my mind:

"Holy shi-"
"I didnt even mean to-"
"I wasn't even trying to-"
"I'm not planning to-"
"What made her think that I'm-"
"Is she thinking that-"
"How could I have been so-"
"Oh no, she's gonna think that I'm-"
"Or maybe she's suggesting that we-"

I froze. Really. Those "wag po koya!" jokes that mg friends and forum posters told me didn't sound funny anymore. Inside my head I was yelling and laughing and crying at the same time. I felt my lips tighten,my hands tremble, and my eyes widen, but inside my brain it felt something like "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! !@#$@#$ #$%#$%%$& #@$!@$#@!%#@$^@%!#%%^# &#%^*$%!#$!@#%#$!^ @$&@$%#@$%@!"

Kung pwede lang mag mura sa harap nya, nagawa ko na.

As I slowly gained my ability to speak, my first words were "Nothingwillhappen-". Nothing will happen, I promise- that’s what I was trying to say. But before I can finish the sentence, Emma interrupted me.

"... Di ako ready," she said softly as she turned her face away from me.

My brain flat lined. The words “di ako ready” echoed in my head again and again.

What did she mean by "Di ako ready"?! Did she mean she is not ready now, and she will be ready some time later or did she mean that she will not be ready at all? When will she be ready? Maybe if I ask after a few minutes, she'll change her mi- WTF Aldrin! This is not the time to think about that!

I took a deep breath to recover from the shock. I gently let go of her hand, pulled the computer chair to offer her a seat. "Promise, nothing will happen," I smiled, and avoided sounding like a maniac.

I held out my hand, and Emma took it as she entered my room. I recalled the number of times she's been inside my room, and wondered if she ever feared entering before. She hesitantly sat on the computer chair I think she was surprized when I pushed her and turned her towards the PC and opened the monitor.

"Emma, I think there's something you should read"

I opened my Mozilla Forefox and typed in the url with my left hand:

"Ano to?" she asked as the site was loading.

"Basta," I dodged her question, hoping that she would be able to answer it herself. "Basahin mo na lang".

A Question

2006-06-04T15:19:00.000+08:00

If you are in my position, what would you do?

Bandwidth limits, Thunderstorms and Burnt Electronics

2006-06-03T16:29:00.000+08:00

My apologies for the cliff hanger. I was pressed for an update yesterday and I didn't have time to complete the article. My new editor advised me to cut the article at that point.

I'm also experiencing technical issues. Some of you may have noticed the changes in the blog lay out. This is because my template flies hosted at Google Pages has exceeded its maximum bandwidth. That is to be expected since the template files I'm using from Blogger Templates is also used by other bloggers, and other template files are hosted in the same Google Pages account as well. As soon as those files become available, I'll transfer them to a different host or a different Google Pages account.

Also, yesterday's thunderstorm fried my router. The router was an old model of an unfamiliar brand which was 5 years old. After some lightning flashes, my room began smelling like burnt copper lol. We left us with no internet access for 24 hours. I promised Emma I'll have the home network back up before she gets home so after driving her to work, I dropped by PC Express at the corner of Makati Ave. and Buendia and got myself a DLink router. I've decided to go branded so I got myself a Dlink router. I could've gone with the LinkSys one, but I need the printer port so I dont have to leave open my PC when someone else needs to print. (Obviously,) I got it installed but configuring the VPN and the ports takes a little getting used to. I also got the new router its own surge protector.

(Since I can't think of other alibis) Hopefully, an update will be available later tonight. Don't hold your breath though.

The Opposite of a Love Letter

2006-06-02T14:40:00.000+08:00

Sunday was ok. We went to mass again, but we went home early because Emma's mom called and we had to go home so we can talk to her via YM. We're glad they weren't affected by the indonesian earthquake down there.

Monday was normal. So normal, its uneventful.

Tuesday was pretty much the same. The entire day was just a repeat of Monday's events, although Emma's shift was longer so I had to pick her up from work. We stopped by for some soft icecream at a nearby mini-stop and had take out for dinner.

Wednesday was good. I had a late lunch with Emma because she went to work early. I asked her to pick the venue and she asked me to look for a certain italian restaurant. We didn't find it. We decided to eat at RCBC plaza instead.

Then came Thursday. Emma made Beef and Brocolli for dnner, although she didn't eat much. It was funny because I thought her cooking tasted ok, but she didn't feel good about it. I asked her if she is feeling ok, she said yes.

After dinner, she told me that she'll clean up and I should go to the living room. "Manuod ka na lang muna ng TV" she asked.

I went to the living room and sat at my usual corner of the couch. Without saying a word, she handed me a folded note, and left me by going straight to her room. She said she wanted to take a bath and sleep early.

This is her letter. Be noted that tbis is heavily edited. I had to translate/edit it to leave out details to protect Emma's privacy. I also removed the statements that readers may not be able to relate to.

You're a good person. You've been nothing less of a gentleman to me. Growing up, I've always looked as you as the "amo" and to some degree an older borther.

But ever since we've been apart, things have changed. I began missing you in a defferent way. I keep noticing how you've been good to me, and how I'm deeply affected by it. I see you not as a brother now, but as a friend. I'm really sorry, but I'm starting to wish that you're more than a friend.

Scandalous, I know, and I can't deny that I like whats between us right now. But if things were to continue, I might fall.

Please don't ever say those 3 words to me. You know what those words are. I don't know if I could take it. I'll only end up throwing myself at you and it scares me that I'll lose you if things don't work out well. If you are going to say those three words, its much better if you would just lie to me.

I'm scared. You know what happened to my mother right? Nanay loved my father even if he didn't love her back. I dont want the same to happen to me.

Nahihiya na ko. I don't want to lose you. I like the way things are right now and nothing more.

Nanay is coming home soon. I know that its an impossibility, but I'd like you to promise me things wont change. You'll always be my Aldrin and in turn, I'll always be your Emma even if you don't want me to. Just don't say those three words, because I wont be able to know if its true or not.

I must've read the letter about five times. I never knew she is hurting. All I thought about is I'm happy to be with her, and with the way she smiles, I've always thought that she was happy. I never thought that she was just trying to be strong and deep inside, she's fighting with her own feelings.

It's been an hour since Emma handed me the letter. I wasn't able to understand what I was watching. I waited for her to come down, but she didnt.

"Nagkulong na sa kwarto," I thought. "There's only one thing left to do."

I went upstairs, went to her room and knocked.

The Bet part 2

2006-05-31T21:11:00.000+08:00

The movie was fun.

Emma and I have always been fascinated with movies. May it be the silversceen, DVD's or the cable TV, we both watch movies with interest. Ideally, the purpose of going to movie houses is to watch a movie. Emma is definitely my movie partner. We both know what movies whe like, and the ones we hate. We both hate talking, getting interrupted, and those inconsiderate cellphone users in the cinema. Ever since we started going to movies together, we made sure that inside the cinema, its just us and the screen and no one else. Oh yeah, we never forgot that popcorn is a requirement ever since watching 6th sense with ther friends. Ideally.

In reality though, watching a movie with Emma offers something different. Its difficult to focus on the movie because my attention was being diverted towards Emma. She's sitting on my left, and how the lights shines upon her face as she nibbles on the popcorn and makes subtle reactions to the characters and emotions on the screen- it feels like I'm watching 2 movies at a time.

Truth is, I'd rather stare at her than watch the movie.

Emma was not really familiar with the Xmen characters, and she cant recall the two X-men movies so from time to time she would ask me questions by passing me her cell phone. I tried to answer most of them without annoying those who were watching the movie around us. I think Emma began to understand the movie when the questions stopped.

Erika and Richard, however, was a different story. I don't know if they understood the movie with all the lip action going on betweeen them. I can't think of any other couple who can go at it a scene after a main character just died. After each kiss, Emma and I would pass cellphone messages between us. We would laugh silently because we didnt want Erika to notice that we are keeping count. Towards the end of the movie, Emma counted 6 kisses and I was confident that I've won our little bet already.

I was robbed of sweet victory in a scene by Anna Paquin and Shawn Ashmore a few seconds before the movie ended.

"I won," Emma told me while sticking the tip of her tongue out.

"I know," I told her with my head bowed down.

"I would've still won even if we didnt change the bet," she laughed as we watched the ending credits roll

"Hehe you don't have to rub it in"

"Rub what in?" Emma asked with a grin. "The fact that YOU LOST?"

"Yeah yeah..."

Emma flashed me a sinister smile as we all stood up and exitted the theater. I was beginning to worry about the consequece of the bet. We agreed that the loser does what the winner asks.

The moment we got out, the girls excused themselves to go to the washroom. This gave me some time with Richard for a little man to man talk.

"Musta kayo?"

"Ok lang," I laughed. "Di ko pa rin sinasabi eh"

"Akala ko alam na nya," asked Richard. "Humihirit ka pa nga kanina eh"

"Wala yon"

"Masyado ka kasing nag-iisip," He said. "Ang torpe mo"

"Di ako torpe," I protested. "Just cautious"

"Diba ganun rin yon?"

"Di no. Aamin naman ako eh"

"Kelan"

"Yun ang di ko pa alam"

"Kitam. Torpe ka nga. Di mo nga masabi sa sarili mong mahal mo si Emma eh".

I thought about it... I keep making excuses why I cant be honest with Emma. Di naman ako torpe... But I do really have to tell her? What he said is true though. Whenever I was asked if I love her, I always say I'm not sure.

"I love Emma... I love you Emma," I kept saying to myself over and over again in my head just to imagine how it would sound. "Yup, natotorpe nga ako," I concluded.

"You know," Richard began to talk in a more serious tone. "Emma has been good to you all these years na walang hinihiling na kapalit. You owe it to her to at least tell her how you feel."

I couldn't believe that it was the Richard who was talking. For once, he didn't suggest his usual "knock her up, wala nang magagawa mommy mo" plan.

"Tell her dude," Richard continued. "Emma needs to hear you say it. It doesn't have to be a confession, just an affirmation. You two are practically a couple already." He was actually being mature about this. Recalling how Erika initiated most of the kisses and hugs the couple did tonight, its as if the two of them exchanged personas.

"Wow thats deep. Ayos..." I told Richard in astonishment. "Seryoso ka yata. Xavier? Is that you?" I joked.

"Seryoso p're," Richard replied "You don't have to worry what other people will say". He kept a straight face as he placed an arm on my shoulder. "I won't die for them. I'll die for you".

"Gagu!" I laughed. I couldn't believe I bought his act. I pulled away from him because other people may think we're gay.

We changed the topic and talked about the movie while wating for the girls. As soon as they appeared in the theater lobby, Richard and I began walking towards them. "Sige p're akong bahala sayo," He said before we were close enough to be heard.

"Baby tara yosi tayo," invited Richard. Erika was hesitant first but I could've sworn I saw Richard wink and whisper something at Erika's ear. We said our goodnights and goodbyes, but before the couple walked away, Richard said her'll give me a push.

"Emma, may sasabihin nga pala sayo si Aldrin". OMGWTF! That wasn't a push! It was a outright shove down to the fiery pits of hell! As the couple walked away, I saw them giving me winks and thumbs ups.

It was an awkward situation as we watched the couple walk away. I didn't know what to say... Well... actually I knew exactly what to say, but I couldn't say it. I was nervous and I couldn't even think of how i'll get myself out of this situation.

Then came a surprize. As soon as Erika and Richard turned the corner and disappeared from view, Emma took my right arm and clung to it. Remember the mutant power that Emma has? That happened again, but this time, I was frozen stiff because I'm a nervous wreck already. Why is she holding my arm? I didn't do anything to suggest that she should cling on my right arm. Did I involuntarily extended my elbow? Hmm... She's been prety clingy lately. We've been texting and talking a lot lately. She easily gets angry whenever I tell her that I didn't eat lunch, and she's been waiting for me every night so we can have dinner together at home even if I arrive very late. She's never forgotten to tell me to take care during mornings and she's never missed out on wishing me a good sleep every night.

Can it be? Can this be what I have been dreaming off? Can it be that Emma likes me too?

I looked at Emma's eyes. She was looking at me as well with a smile so pure, I couldn't help but smile back...

"Excuse lang Al," Emma said. She then raised her left foot to fix the strap of her sandals.

T_T False alarm. Pinagkapitan lang pala ako. owgaddemmet. I'm nothing more than a safety hand rail. Amp.

"Thanks," said Emma as she stood up and straightened her skirt. "Ano yung sabi ni Kuya Richard?"

My mind was blank, but for 2 reasons:

First, I didn't know what to say. I was trying to think of an escape route, but to no avail. What can I say at this moment that would merit Richard's comments, and believable enough but not too incriminating? I cant think of anything. I thought hard but nothing registered.

Second, and perhaps the reason why I can't think straight is when Emma finished fixing her sandal strap, she didn't let go of my arm. Emma was still clinging to me. If anything has has changed, its her grip. She's holding me closer and tighter.

We just stood there, while Emma was looking at me. I pulled to the side because I didn't like standing in the middle of the lobby.

"This is it," I told myself. "I'm gonna have to tell her... wait... should I really tell her?". If there was a time for little angel Aldrin and little devil Aldrin to appear beside my head, that would be it. Unfortunately, wla pala akong conscience lol. I was becoming deperate for anything that would stall our converstaion.

"Al, you ok?" Asked Emma with that concerned look on her face. I wish her face was a little less expressive so I can concentrate. She's not clinging to my arm anymore, but her left hand is holding my right wrist. Maybe she can feel my pulse? I'm pretty sure my heart rate jumped a few notches. She is waiting for an answer. C'mon Aldrin! Talk! You can't let her wait forever!

"Yeah... Iniisip ko lang yung mga banat ni Richard," I said.

"Yeah ang kulit nya sobra," she replied along with a soft laugh.

"Aren't you offended na tinutukso nya tayo?"

"Sanay na ko eh," she explained. "...And besides, if I'm not ok with it, you'll be the first to know".

"Oh... so... did you enjoy the movie?" I asked her in an effor to change the topic.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Thank you for taking me out"

"Taking you out?" I asked, "As in a date?"

"Yeah," said Emma with a confused look "Isn't this a date?"

"I dunno... Do you think it is?

"Hay nako," Emma said as she let go of my hand, folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. "This IS a date. Yun lang ba yung sinasabi ni Kuya Richard? Kala ko kung ano na"

"No, thats not it," I confessed.

"Eh ano?"

"Well...," I said as I paused. Im my head I was chosing the right words to say and the riwght way to say it. "You know me well enough to tell that I enjoyed the movie, right?"

"Oo naman," answered Emma. I looked at her face and I saw that her eyes were looking up to me. Her eyes looked like a combination of equal parts anticipation, confusion, and puppy dog eyes. I cleared my throat...

"Well I was thinking that since we both enjoy watching movies, maybe... If you or I need some one to go see a movie with then maybe we can go with each other, you know... in sickness or in health... as long we both shall live"

In an instant, Emma began suffering from violent convulsions. Her body shook terribly as she began vomitting blood. "Ang corny mo Al," she spoke between coughs of red fluid. Finally she threw up her still beating heart. She fell lifeless to the ground as I stand above her screaming "What the hell have I done?!"

Ok enough drama.

"Well I was thinking that I really enjoyed the movie-"

"Yeah" Emma interrupted with a laugh. "I think we've established the fact that you, indeed, enjoyed the movie"

"Eh... hear me out. I'm trying to be serious here," I told Emma although she can tell that I found her comment humorous.

"Sige na nga," She folded her arms again, but this time she grinned. "Shoot," she urged me to continue.

"I enjoyed the movie, BUT more than that, I enjoyed the evening as well...," I told Emma while trying to keep my eyes on her.

"...and... I think it would not have been possible if you didn't agree to come with me".

I felt my voice shake and as I smiled, I felt my lips tremble. "Emma, I really enjoyed your company tonight".

I looked at Emma to wait for a reaction, but she just stared right back. "That it," I told her, thinking that maybe she's still expecting more.

Call me dense, but of all the scenarios that played in my head, Emma's reaction is still not the one that I expected.

Her smile disappeared and her eyebrows met. "Tonight lang?," she said in tone that was both surprized and angry. I tried to talk but before I got the chance, she turned her back and started walking away.

I walked beside her and began apologizing. "Did I say anything wrong?"

"No"

"Then why are you angry?"

"I'm not angry"

"You're saying that you don't have any prolems with what I said tonight?"

"OK lang," she added with a stern tone. I sighed. There she goes again with her "ok lang" comments. If there is a book that I can read so I can understand women better, please tell me now.

"Obvious na di ka nakikinig sakin kanina," Emma continued, her voice sounded annoyed. "If I'm not ok with it, you'll be the first to know"

"So you're ok with it?"

Emma stopped walking and turned to me. I felt like I should've just kept my mouth shut. She gave me an angry stare that I only saw what I was teasing her to her male highschool classmates. "uh oh... this can't be good"

"I won the bet right?"

"Yes"

"And you'll do anything I ask you, right?"

"As long as it is not life threatening, yeah," I said with a laugh, but she didn't buy it.

"Tara". She clung to my right arm again, but her annoyed facial expression remains unchanged. She began walking and since she is holding on to me, I couldn't help but follow.

Emma dragged me towards Starbucks and pulled me inside, towards the counter. "You know what to do, I'll get us seats". She then let go of my arm and walked towards a corner of the shop.

"WTF just happened?" I thought that I almost ignored the barrista who was asking me for my order.

"Our order?" I asked myself. Whenever we go to Starbucks, Emma always has the same thing, her favorite blended coffee, and to go with it, either a belgian waffle or a slice of cake that she could never really finish. She always offers the leftovers to me after having less than half of the slice bites.

I talked to the barrista to place our order and I was asked to wait. I could've went to the table where Emma was sitting, but I didn't. I chose to stand beside the counter and just wait there.

"Someone please shoot me now," I whispered to myself as I scanned the packets of straws, sugars and creamers and plastic stirring sticks. I looked at Emma from across the room. She was staring outside, arms folded, with a dishertening frown. When she turned to look at me, I turned away from her. Somehow, I didn't feel like looking at her.

"This is upsetting," I told myself as I made a quick recollection of everything that happened today. "Maybe she doesn't like me after all..."

I fell in line to get our purchase when my phone rang twice for a text message. It was Emma, and the message was a long one.

Sorry al, pls dnt be mad. I rly dnt know how 2 react when u say things lyk that. U treat me lyk im sum1 special but i feel that i dnt deserve it. Im conflicted. Im happy, bliv me, i jst dnt know how 2 tell u. Pls dont be upset.

Her triple ü's are missing so there must be something wrong. I looked at her from the counter and I saw that she was looking at me, only there's something different about her. Emma was sobbing, and she was trying hard to smile. I remember that night when we came back from the party. I knew she got upset when I admitted that I didnt want to leave her alone at the house.

Maybe things are difficult for Emma as it is for me, only, Emma is not really used to getting compliments. She admitted to me once that she has problems with self esteem and maybe that was it. Maybe she gets upset whenever someone appreciates her for who she is because its something that she erally needs but she rarely recieves.

Many people assume that Emma is the prefect woman, but somehow I cant seem to agree with them. Skeptics think that I'm just painting my picture of a perfect lady whenever I talk about Emma but they dont know how wrong they are. If they are with me right here, right know, they'll know that Emma isn't perfect. She has her ups and downs. She can be very sweet and be very bitter. Emma may not be perfect, but she is real. She is as real as the tears that were falling down on her cheeks. Maybe thats why I like her. No illusions, just reality.

I'm not good at hypothesizing about women and what they want. All I know is I want to hurry to the table and comfort her.

I got our stuff and proceeded to the small coffee table. It was a corner table, adequate for a private talk. As a walked towards her, Emma tried to stop crying and smile. When I was a few feet away from her, I stopped and pointed at her face and smiled.

"Haha. Iyaken!"

Emma burst into laughter. "Sira ka talaga," she complained. "Emote na emote ako, tapos patatawanin mo ko"

"I'm sorry ma'am", I apologized I said in a fake British accent that I know she loves to hate... "Tissue ma'am?" I said as I offered her the napkins. Emma began laughing between sniffles.

"Ok ma'am, here's your joe, and your waffle," I told her as I placed her coffee and her plate from the tray to the table.

"'Joe' is an American term", she corrected. "The British term is 'molten'".

"My apologies ma'am," I laughed. "O ayan! kape mo." I watched as Emma's laugh pushed away the sad expression that just moments ago embraced her face. Her smile is back now...

"Will there be anything else ma'am?" I asked her.

"Nothing more thank you," she told me as she spoke in her call centre accent. "Although your company would be nice, sir". She smiled at me as she gestured at the empty chair beside her.

I sat down beside her, and we did what we do best: enjoyed the moment. Its been a weird evening, I thought as I watched Emma forked the corner of the waffle "A very weird and cofusing evening".

I lost the bet, but I felt like I won something... I think... did I?

The Bet part 1

2006-05-30T18:40:00.000+08:00

Timezone! Emma loves going to Timezone. We each have our own cards but she's the one who has the premium gold card thing. I gave up reloading my card so she can get the gold card. I'm not much of an arcade gamer anyway. I'm the type of person who stands back to watch her do her thing. We took on the Coop shoot-em ups, including the latest in the House of the Dead series. If anyone heard the scream in G4 around 8pm last Saturday, that was her (with a little startling from me hehe). She is a good gamer. Except for the hoops and Ghost Squad, her scores and lives were ahead of mine.

We had a great time at TimeZone but we weren't really there to play. We we're there to watch a X-men 3 with Richard and Erika, and they were running late (or maybe I was too early when I picked up Emma from work?) We were supposed to wait for them at the food court for dinner, but Emma knows I hate waiting so she suggested that we buy the movie tickets already and try TimeZone to make the time pass. I'll just ask Richard to pay for the two tickets later.

Richard and Erika texted us that they were parked just as we were getting our asses kicked in Cobra, so we decided not to continue and proceeded down to the waiting place at the food court.

"Hehe Bitin ka no?" I teased Emma while heading down the escalator to the foodcourt.

"Oo nga eh," she replied with what I can only describe as a pouting smile. "Kaasar!"

I find it amusing that when it comes to games, particularly computer games/arcade, Emma can be very competetive. She is obsessed with points. It doesnt matter to her that we finished Time Crisis 2, she is still upset because I got higher points at the end of the area. Conversely, she can be very ecstatic if she gets the higher score even if we get a game over. I've learned my lesson not to play against her in fighting games, lest I want to put our friendship in and our PS2 controller in jeopardy.

Soon, Richard and Erika came, arguing as usual. We said our hellos and couple took the seats in front of us. Just as they got seated, Richard pulled one of his atics again.

"Being on double dates is much more fun," said Richard.

As soon as he said that, Erika's palm met the back of Richard's head. I couldn't help but laugh eventhough the blood was rushing to my head because of Richard's words. I was worried how Emma would react, so I took a "pa-simple" glance at her.

She is laughing so I sighed in relief. "Ok lang siguro sa kanya," I thought to myself.

"But then... if Emma is ok with Richard calling this a double date, then does that mean that she considers this as a date as well? Maybe she thinks that this is just a gimik, or a friendly date?" I asked myself and sighed. I'm thinking too much that I was getting confused.

Ekira was apologizing to Richard for hitting the back of his head. "Sorry na... napalakas eh," she said while nursing richard. "Ikaw naman kasi eh".

"Ano ba yan," sid Richard "Nagsosorry ka tapos maninisi ka".

Emma and I were laughing at the couple as they made up, but it was a short lived laughter. Our laugh was changed into a smile, into a downright stare when right then and there Erika started to kiss Richard on the lips.

Erika may be the mature type, but she has no qualms about PDAs when there are no relatives around. This isn't the first we've witnessed this kind of behaviour from Erika and Richard. It can vary from a hug, to kisses on the cheek, to subtle french kissing when they think no one is looking. This time the kisses were small smacks on the lips with the words "I'm sorry baby" snuck in between each kiss. Normally I don't have problems with PDA, but I was with Emma at that time so my first thought was... kissing her. I was playing with the thought in my mind for a bit when Emma held my right arm and gave me a small nod to signal that we should go get food. The forced smile on her lips told me that she was uneasy watching the couple.

"Okay, we'll go first," I said as I stood up. "Can you hold our seats for us?"

"Oh sure," said Erika with a silly smile. I think she was a bit embarassed at what she did.

"Sige Thanks," I replied. Emma just smiled and nodded at the couple when she stood up.

We walked around the food court to look for anything good. I kept glancing at Emma if she's found anything she likes, but it looked as if she was more interested in how the foods were being prepared. (I think I'll take her to Gourdo's some time). She picked out a place and I got our trays.

"Ang sweet nila no?" Emma refered to Richard and Erika as soon as we placed our orders.

"Ok lang"

"...Pero lagi silang nag kiss"

"Hehe Pansin mo rin?

"Medyo, ganun ka rin naman diba?, Emma asked me. I forgot that Emma was my confedant when I was still in college.

"Hey not THAT much. I know the right time and place," I told Emma while I pulled our trays as the line move. ("like right here and now with you," I thought to myself.)

"Yeah me too... I'm not really into PDA," said Emma. I then recalled a problem she had with her ex whom she broke up with because the guy wants to go "overboard".

"Pwera na lang siguro kung malambing yung guy," she added with a laugh. I tried to decipher the meaning behind her concept of "lambing" and why she had to laugh. I resigned that as a fact that a guy will never know by himself even if he thinks about it in his entire lifetime.

"Bagay naman sila eh," I added.

"Thats true," Emma said when she pushed the trays. "I wonder how many times they'll kiss tonight"

I laughed. "Just you wait. Mamaya sa sinehan."

Emma laughed like I was joking but I was being serious.

"Sige, bilangin mo," I suggested. "I bet they'll kiss at least ten times during the movie"

"Ano ka ba, thats too much"

"Nah, its dark, and its a full length movie. I say my chances are good"

"Sige, lets put a wager on it", she said with a grin.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know... the winner decides what the loser will do. Pagusapan na lang natin later pagkatapos ng movie. Basta pag naka 10 and above sila, you win" (If you are a pervert, I can tell you right now that the consequences of the bet is no where near what you are thinking of. lol)

"Walang thrill pag ganun," I said as I paid for our meals and picked up our tray. "Maaga magkakaalaman"

"Bat pano ba dapat?" Emma asked.

"Later," I said. We walked towards our table and I didn't want Richard and Erika to hear about our bet.

"Out turn!," exclaimed Erika as she and Richard stood up to get their dinner. I looked over my shoulder to check if the coast is clear.

"Okay," I said, turning to Emma. "Lets change the bet".

"Ano?" Emma asked ans she leaned over to listen carefully.

"Odd and Even. If they do get an even number of kisses, I win. Pag odd, you win," I began explaining to Emma. "That way, until the credits roll, di natin alam kung sino winner".

Emma set the technicalities of the bet, defining what is considered a kiss and the duration of a kiss bofore its considered a "score". We were laughing and making predictions while waiting for Richard and Erika to return. Counting shall begin the moment richard and Erika return to the table.

Soon, the couple arrived and they noticed that I and Emma were giggling. "What's up?", asked Erika as she was sitting down.

"It's nothing," I said. "It's just a private joke, sorry".

"Yon!" excalimed Richard with a laugh. "Mukang nagkakaigihan kayo ah. May nalalaman pa kayong private jokes ah!"

"Hoy, bumanat ka na naman," scolded Erika, while pinching Richard's arm.

I glanced at Emma and I saw that she was laughing. Maybe she is getting used to Richard's comments. At this point I think she knows already, so I might as well ride with it. I took a deep breath and spoke.

"Oo nga", I told Richard. "Wag mo naman akong sobrang bistuhin". It was a half meant joke that both Richard and Erika didn't expect. Even I didn't expect it. All that mattered to me was how Emma would react so I glanced at her again. She didn't laugh, and she didn't say a word. She didn't even make a sound. All she did was face me, and smiled in a way that I can't even describe. If she was an emoticon, she would look like this: ~^_^~

"Aww... ang cute nyo," teased Erika. I think I may have opened a can of worms. I wanted to explain myself even if there was nothing to explain, but before I could say anything, Erika embraced Richard and gave him a kiss.

Soon after, we started eating. While in the middle of the meal, Emma poked me on the knee and handed me her cell phone from under the table. I took it and read the message that she had written:

thats 1! üüü

Some Changes

2006-05-28T19:55:00.000+08:00

I've been checking on the other sites that link to this blog, and compared to them, this blog was a little too plain, (and some say the layout is difficult for reading). I was browsing around for blogger templates and I googled my way to http://blogger-templates.blogspot.com/. Lo and Behold! I finally had the time to apply the changes earlier today. The current layout is not yet final although I'm having second thoughts because I may be adding too many features. I'll stick to whats necessary muna.

Also, I'm seeing a number of sites/blogs have added this blog to their link lists. The least I can do is to return the favor and provide a link back. PM me if you are interested. ^^

Three Years' Worth of Lasagna

2006-05-26T23:46:00.000+08:00

I hate waiting. I'm back in the Philippines after 8 months in the US and the first thing I'm forced to do is wait for my ride to pick me up from the airport.

Thirty minutes later, my mom, uncle Guy and their driver arrived in uncle's van to pick me up. As soon as I got in, I immediately started complaing about the heat, the traffic, the noise, and everything. I was irritable. I was excited to return to the Philippines, but it annoyed me because I was just starting to gain friends in Chicago. Returning to the Philippines meant going back to the job I left, returning to the annoyances I used to have, and reliving the memories that I've wanted to forget.

It was a mixed emotion. I didn't want to stay there in the US, but I knew that aside from my family, no one else really waited for me here.

We went straight to my grandparents' place first. It became a standard procedure for us to give away the "pasalubong" and the "padala" to our relatives first. '"Great," I told myself. "Its time to meet the relatives that only remember us whenever someone in my family comes home from overseas".

I helped my mom distribute the contents of the big balikbayan boxes that I had to drag through customs. I didnt talk and I didn't ate because I didn't really want to. My mom noticed this and asked if I was ok, I just said I was tired. That seemed to work because a few minutes later, my mom asked her brother to distribute the rest of the pasalubong to the relatives.

Ten minutes later we were heading home. Another 15 minutes later, we were stuck in traffic. I was ecstatic with sarcastic glee. I want to go home. I want to see my room and lock myself inside.

As we turned the last corner to our house, I could barely hold myself back. I was getting impatient. I wanted to take the wheel from the driver and hit the gas.

"Ma, Antok na ko," I told my mom as we parked at our garage. She OK'ed and she instructed the driver to carry my bags inside the house.

I entered the house, climbed the stairs and walked directly to my room. I took off my shoes and dropped myself on my familiar bed like a falling timber. The clean covers felt soft and nice on my skin. Thats the first good thing I felt since coming back. I planned to change my clothes but sleep got the better of me.

=============

It was already dark outside when I woke up. The air was cold but dry. I looked at my alarm clock and the display read 10:01pm.

I stepped out of my room and looked at the corridor. It seemed everyone is sleeping already. It felt like I had the house all to myself so I got changed and went downstairs to watch some TV.

I sat on the right end of the sofa pulled one of the four cushions from underneath the coffee table and raised my feet. I used to do this a lot when I'm watching tv. I want to be as comfortable as possible. Even after 8 months, it seems old habits die hard.

I got frustrated when I browsed the channels. "Ugh... I need a channel guide," I thought. The cable company changed the channel lineup again.

I was about to close the TV when I heard someone coming from the behind the living room, so I poked my head around the corner to see who it is.

'Hi Emma. Goodevening," I greeted.

"Aaaaaaaaaaldrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiin!" She excitingly called my name. She quickly dragged her slippers and sat right beside me. She folded and rested her right leg on the couch and tucked it underneath her left knee to an almost indain seat position so she can face me. Judging by her damp hair and the familiar scent of her bath soap, I can tell she just finished her evening bath.

"Kumusta ka na?!" she said with a grin. I can tell by the look on her eyes that she's excited. We haven't met since I arrived, so this was the first chance we've had to talk.

"Eto... I just woke up," I answered.

"Ay kumain ka na?" she queried. "We have lasagna sa ref, wait here"

She quickly got up and walked towards the kitchen. I couldnt help but notice that she's a bit taller now. Instead of loose t shirts and baggy shorts, it seems she wears a tight sando and long pajamas when going to bed. Her clothes hugged her body and revealed her figure. Her hair is a lot shorter than how she used to wear it, and I think her skin has more of a rosey tint, and not as pale as it used to be.

I heard the click of the light switch as she disappeared into the kitchen, and I returned to looking for HBO. I heard a soft ding and minutes later, she returned with a tray on her hands which she cafrefully placed on the coffee table. On the tray was a pitcher of iced tea, an empty glass, a small plate with 2 slices of garlic bread, and a delicious looking lasagna on a ceramic heating dish. She went back to the kitchen then returned with some table napkins and a fork.

"Yan, kumain ka na," she said as she sat down beside me.

"Thank you," I said as she handed me a plate. "Ikaw? bat ayaw mo kumain"

"No thanks. I ate already," she refused.

I caught the smell of the warm lasagna, and I remembered that the last meal I had was on the plane. I didn't like eating alone, but hunger got the best of me. As I forked a small potion into my mouth and tasted the pasta, I can see Emma's mouth slowly open and close in anticipation of the first bite.

"I had to microwave it kasi lumamig na. I thought you were going to wake up in time for dinner," she explained. "So... how is it?"

"Its good," I said. "Sino Nagluto?"

She closed her eyes, raised her eyebrows, and smiled proudly. "Sino pa kaya?"

"Di nga, sino?" I asked, pretending that I don't believe her.

"Ako nga"

"Ows, Ikaw gumawa nito?", I asked with a raised eyebrow in an effort to sound skeptic.

"Ay nako... ako nga eh"

"You sure?", I said as I continued to annoy Emma. "This tastes like its store-bought or something."

"Ang kulit mo rin eh"

"Malay ko ba? Di ko naman nakitang ginawa mo to. Bat ako maniniwala-"

"Tama na, " Emma interrupted with a laugh. "Ang corny mo na," she said with a grin and a slight pinch on my left arm.

"Well... Its good," I continued and Emma started to smile. That smile quicky disappeared when I said that its a little TOO good.

She inhaled and took a quick exhale. "Kelan ka babalik ng US?" she asked.

I laughed at her question and grinned to tell her that I wasn't even being serious "Joke lang Emma!".

"Hay nako asar ka pa rin," she complained. "Bumalik ka na nga ron," she said. Her voice sounded genuinely annoyed. "It seems like I haven't lost my touch," I thought to myself.

"Di na nga kita pagluluto," she threatened. "Sabi pa naman ni tita you like pasta thats why I made it for you tapos di mo mang lang ma-appreciate," frowned Emma.

"Wow," I said. I was genuinely surprised that (not only did she cook great, but) she took the time out to ask my mom about what kind of food she should make. Also its weird to hear her say it, but Emma's started calling my mom "Tita" sometime during the last three years. It was an arragement between Emma and my mom I think. Mama didn't like Emma calling her "Ate," similar to how she told Ate Lydia not to call her "Madam".

"Hey I do appreciate this," I told her, as I took another bite. "I really do. Peksman," I swore with a smile.

"Talaga?" she asked. I noticed that her smile was back on.

I apologized for annoying her and to convince her, I had a second helping. I didnt mind proving that to her, because I honestly think that her cooking was great, and I was hungry.

I thought to myself that other than our moms, Emma was the only other person who cooked for me. Penelope made me taste her cooking once or twice, but it she was cooking to impress her friends, but not to impress me alone. Pene didn't even finish the cooking. She would just prepare the ingredients and let their house help finish the rest. When its time to eat, she would say proudly that 'I cooked that'. Emma's cooking was different. It felt special, like when my mom took time out from her very busy schedule to make sure I have a good meal.

(I apologize to all women who do not wish to be compared to their special someone's mothers, but if a guy tells you that your cooking is like their mom's cooking, its actually a good compliment... unless ofcourse your special someone suffered a form of food poisoning or malnutrition during their childhood years)

"So is this what they've been teaching you in Singapore?" I asked while taking another bite. I recalled the last time I saw her- it was more that 3 years ago. Now, I can't help but notice the changes she's been through. It seemed Singapore was a good phase for her. She began talking about the HRM training took with ate Lydia, her "english" lessons her Singaporean boss made her take, and her Pinay tutor. It seems that she also had a job as a personal assistant to a YMCA hotshot who had a very annoying grandmother.

While she was telling her story, Emma took my fork a couple of times to have some of the lasagna she baked, and take a sip from the iced tea she prepared. Some say its unsanitary, but we've been doing it for years. I recall one time my mom saw me and Emma sharing food from a single plate. She wanted to gross us out both out by telling us that we are practically kissing each other, but we never did unlearn that.

"Eh ikaw?" Emma asked. "Kumusta na kayo?"

Uh oh... I knew it. I knew that this topic would eventually come up. "Kami nino?" I asked in a futile effort to stall.

"You know who"

"Sino nga?"

"Kunwari pa to. Edi yung girlfriend mo". Darn. I should've just followed her suggestion and went back to Chicago.

I can't stall anymore. I sighed. I had to tell her. Emma has been hoping to meet Penelope. I was only able to talk about Pene with Emma through YM, so its understandable that Emma is excited. We've always talked to each other's special someones, and we never asked too much, nor kept secrets that need telling. We even promised each other that we must assess each other's crushes and love interests just to make sure that they are up to standard. Emma has high expectations, thats why it was very difficult to tell her about my break-up with Pene.

I was hesitant to tell her not because I'm ashamed of what happened between me and my ex, but because I did'nt know she would react. I took a deep breath and spoke.

"We didn't work out," I finally said, and immediately Emma's barrage of questions expectably came.

I began to tell Emma the details. I didn't mind going through the birth to the eventual demise of my relationship with Pene. I'm over it, but I was chosing my words correctly because I didn't want Emma to feel left out. I want Emma to know everything, but my relationship with Pene was lifechanging, both for good and bad. At first I dint know what to tell Emma, so I had to rely on her questions on what to share, but as the conversation progressed, I felt at ease telling her everything I want to tell her. I was able to put into words the frustration, anger and sadness and the feelings of betrayal and letting go that I was not able to talk with anyone before. We may have been apart for so long, but its still "The Emma" I was talking to after all. I've been with her my entire life, and she's not a person that I just happened to have met along the way. Everything came out very easy. Soon, I was ending my story by narrating the last phone conversation I had with Pene at my despedida party.

"Wala ka pala eh," she laughed. "Dapat yata beer iniinom natin, not iced tea. Gusto mo ng tissue?" Her reaction made me laugh because I never expected it. (I didn't cry lol. She just said that to tease me).

"Naubos mo na nga eh," I pointed to the empty pitcher of Iced tea. "Wait lang, I'll get more"

"Ako na," Emma said. She started to stand, but I refused and told her she shouldn't bother getting up.

"You got the last one," I said. "Its my turn".

"Ikaw bahala," she smiled.

I got up, picked up the empty pitcher and went to the kitchen. A good five minutes later, I returned to the living room.

"Asan na?" Emma asked, curious why I returned empty handed.

"Hehe... where do we keep the Nestea?" I asked with an embarassed laugh. It was the first time I've seen the kitchen since I left. I could barely recognize it.

Emma laughed. "Nasa green na plastic container sa shelf," she said as she was sticking the fork on what remained of the lasagna.

"Yeah I knew that, I was just making sure that it was Nestea," I said. Emma knew I was just making excuses and laughed at me. "Bulag ka talaga," she added as I returned to the kitchen. There, I nuked the remaining lasagna, prepared some iced tea and went back to the living room.

"Ayan. Inubusan mo ko eh," I told Emma as I put down the pitcher and the amber crystal pan containing the lasagna on the coffee table. I also handed her another fork so we can eat straight from the pan. "Lakas mo sa pulutan eh," I grinned.

We started trading questions and stories, and exchanging laughter and comforting words. We had a lot of catching up to do thats why we were up all night, talking and eating (with the ocassional pissbreaks lol).

I didnt realize what time it is until my watch beeped. It was already 6 o'clock and we didnt even realize we've been talking for 8 hours. I apologized for keeping her up all night and suggested that we clean up, but she said she didn't mind. "Ok lang no. Minsan ka na nga lang mamimiss, ayaw mo pa. If I know, miss mo rin ako," she said with a laugh.

Hearing her say that gave me an epiphany of sorts. I may have spent only 8 months in the US, but it has actually been three years since we last saw each other. It dawned on me just how long that time has been, and three years is too long, even for lifelong friends.

I picked up the pitcher and the glass, wiped the coffee table with tissue, then followed Emma to the kitchen. "Thanks for talking to me Emma," I said. "I missed you too"

"Wushuuu... drama mo," she laughed, but I didnt complain. I sat at the counter and thought that our parents and Uncle Guy should be waking up in a few minutes. We're all together in our house in a quiet village in Makati, and for my family, its a rare ocession. (I've forgotten the things that annoyed me when I just got back.)

I saw the familiar sunshine pierce through our kitchen window and gently hit Emma as she was washing the dishes we just used.

Its nice to be back home.

Unspoken Favors

2006-05-24T22:45:00.000+08:00

"Sige na nay," begged Emma.

"Wag ka na pumunta," said the woman sitting across her on the kitchen table. "Baka kung mapano ka pa."

"Sabado naman yun eh," Emma pleaded. "Tapos na naman exam namin"

"Sino sino ba kayo?" asked ate Lydia. Ate Lydia is Emma's mom, our maid for as long as I can remember. She was scooping icecream into her favorite yelloow mug.

"Mga classmates ko lang"

"Sino sino nga," insisted her Mom as she sat down next to me at the kitchen table.

"Sila Monica, Rose, at Jen lang," enumerated Emma. "Nakita nyo na po sila"

"E diba may mga boyfriend na yung mga yon?" asked Ate Lydia as she handed me the brass colored half gallon container.

"Oo nga pero di namin kasama yun," excalimed Emma.

"Kaya naman palaaaa," I teased Emma and laughed. "may mga guys na kasama," I sung with an annoying tone as I dug the scooper into the rockyroad ice cream.

"Wala no," Emma complained. She threw a mad look at me before turning back to her mom. "Kami lang talaga."

"Eh ano ba papanuorin nyo?" ate Lydia continued her interrogation.

"6th Sense lang nay"

"Woooooooow," I teased her. "Scary movie. Makakailang yakap ka kaya?" I whispered so Ate Lydia won't hear. Emma retaliated by kicking my foot underneath the table.

"San?" asked Ate Lydia after a spoonfull of icecream.

"Magkikita kita na lang kami sa Megamall"

"Sa Megamall? Hay nako," said Ate Lydia with a skeptic tone. "Nakakapunta ka na dun?"

"Matagal na kong sinasama nila Ate Aileen nun"

"Baka maligaw ka eh hindi mo yata alam pumunta don, bat dun pa kasi kayo pupunta?" continued Ate Lydia with her relentless questioning.

"Baka mag bus na lang kami o FX"

"Kinakabahan ako sayong bata ka"

"Sige na Nay"

"Hanggang anong oras kayo don?"

"Eight po"

"Wag na. Hindi na uwing estudyante yung alas ocho"

"Tsk, oo nga. Masyadong gabi na yung 8," I said smiling. I can tell Emma was really annoyed, but watching them while eating icecreamw as really entertaining.

"Naaay minsan lang to," said Emma. She was almost whining when she got interrupted by someone who just entered the kitchen.

"Hello," a voice from the kitchen enterance said. I looked up and recognize the origin of the voice.

"Hi Ma." My mom stood beside me and placed her hand on my head.

"Good Evening po," Emma greeted my mom. Emma got up from her seat to serve my mom some ice cream.

"Ay Ayen, nag long distance si Guy. Tatawag raw ulit sya mamayang 9," repored Ate Lydia. She got up to offer my mom a seat.

"Hayaan mo yun. Malaki na sya," she laughed to pretend that she didn't care, but knowing her, she's excited to hear from the guy who she is seeing for about 4 years. They've been together for a year before my mom confronted me about him but before that, I already I knew that Uncle Guy is not really an uncle when he began staying at our house for months at a time.

"Thank you," said my mom as she took the cup of icecream from Emma. "Whats with the icecream?"

"Emma is asking Ate Lydia if she can go out this saturday for a date," I answered proudly.

"Eeeeeeeeh! Its not a date," Emma said in a very frustrated tone. "Kuya Aldrin ang kulit." I can tell by her looks that if I teased her a bit more, she'll start crying. I stopped antagonizing her and enjoye the icecream.

"Hay nako," sighed Ate Lydia. "Nagyayaya raw yung mga classmate nya, manunuod raw ng sine"

"I see," said my mom. "Ilan kayo?"

"Apat po kami ng mga classmate kong babae," answered Emma. "Nagkayayaan lang po kasi tapos na exams." She knows that she'll be able to rely on my mom for support.

"There you go," said my mom before she turned to Ate Lydia. "Payagan mo na. Minsan lang naman eh." I can see Emma's cheeks tighten to prevent the smile thats slowly forming on her face.

"Eh ang gusto sa Megamall pa manunuod," argued Emma's mom.

"May kasama ba kayong lalake?" asked my mom as she began to consume the icecream given to her.

"Wala po. Girls lang talaga," clarified Emma.

"I see," said my mom. She seems to be enjoying the Icecream. "I dont think there will be any problems". At the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Emma jump.

"Eh gagabihin raw" said Ate Lydia

"Oh... Edi pasamahan mo," exclaimed my mom in an effort to convince Emma's mom to agree. I saw Emma gringing, but the grin quickly tunred into a frown when she heard what my mom had to say next: "Hey Aldrin, you go with Emma"

"Bat ako? I'll be busy on Saturday"

"Anong busy? Didn't you say your finals are over?"

"Eh Ate wag nyo na ko pasamahan kay kuya Aldrin," complained Emma. "Magpapacute lang yan kasi crush sya si Jen eh"

"Nyek. Feeling naman nung Jen eh," I argued. Jen was her classmate and she's been texting me ever since Emma borrowed my phone to text her. "Bat kasi binigay mo pa number ko sa kanya eh"

"Masasamahan mo ba sya Aldrin?" Ate Lydia turned to me, not wanting the discussion to digress.

"Samahan mo na sweetie. Take the car so you wont have problems commuting"

I sighed, nodded, and shoved a big spoonful of icecream in my mouth. I looked at Emma. She just got her permission, but it seems she didn't like the way things worked out.

=======

"Hey don't blame me for the traffic ok?" I argued. "Alam mong ginagawa yung MRT eh"

"Bilisan mo na lang," Emma said. "Nasa loob na sila eh"

We were almost running to the Cinema. The truth is I want to watch the movie but I didn't want to go with her. Her classmates have the tendency to be very noisy, not to mention very annoying.

"I dont want your friends to see me ok?," I told Emma. "Pag natapos na yung movie, kita na lang tayo sa Wendy's. Text mo na lang ako"

"Ok," she said. She was preoccupied with hurrying so she didn't have the time to argue.

We got our tickets and went inside as soon as possible. We peeked at the screen from the side of the cinema and I saw that the ending credits of the previous screening is still rolling. Emma went on ahead to meet up with her classmates while I fell in line at the consession stand. I got a bit annoyed because we could've taken our time. I didnt like being hurried for nothing.

Confident that I didn't have to deal with Emma's friends, I got myself a large coke and a tub of popcorn for the movie (Hey, I enjoy movies ok?). The theater lights were still on when I entered. Leonardo di Carprio was running in the trailer of "The Beach" when I found a good seat a few rows in front of Emma and her classmates. "This should be far enoughnot to be recognized," I told myself. They were at the top right corner of the cinema.

I slouched and raised a foot. I took a handful of popcorn and watched rest of the movie trailers. Soon the lights went out and last few trailers began to roll. I ws getting comfortable when my cellphone beeped. I forgot to put it on silent mode and I got shushed by stragers around me. I took a peep at my cell phone and saw that It was Emma.

san ka? badtrip. i wna go home.

why? whats wrong?

Cnama pala nla mga bf nila. usapan nmin all girls lng. magisa lng me d2. naka2 op.

I raised my head to take a good look at Emma's party. She was at the left end, and beside her were 3 couples. From the light on the screen, I can see that her classmates were busy talking while Emma was holding her 5110, unable to relate in the couples scene.

u dont hav to hav sum1 2 enjoy d movie. d nman kayo nagbayad para makipagdaldalan db?

eh sila jeff nagya2 mag billards mamaya. nakakailang. dpat kc kmi2 lang

yan ksi sbi ko syo mag bf ka na e hehe

nang aasar k p eh. hay nvm. uwi n tyo mamya after n2.

do u want 2 play billards with them later?

uu pero maiilang lng me. uwi na lng tyo.

Emma looked as if she just got cheated in a game. She was leaning away from her friends, with her hand on her elbow, obviously annoyed and getting bored. Her friends were still chatting so I got up, climbed and moved to the Free seat on Emma's left.

"Sorry," I pretended to apologize."There was a line at the snack bar kaya natagalan ako"

Emma was confused for a bit, but she easily catched on. "Umupo ka na. Magsstart na."

"I got us popcorn and coke," I told Emma. "Dammit, isa lang ang straw!" I told myself, but Emma realized this and casually told me she didnt want to drink.

Her friends started saying "hi" and Emma introduced me to her friends as "anak ng boss ng nanay nya". I just nodded and smiled at them.

So I was sympathetic. Big deal. I had to do what I can. She wasn't such a bad girl and she didn't deserve to get her time out ruined. She is a good student and she deserves some fun.

Soon, the movie started and Emma's fingernails started digging into my right arm. An hour and a half, a swollen right arm and a deaf right ear later, the lights went on. The movie has ended and I suggested we eat dinner at Kenny Rogers' Roasters (when it was still cool lol). After that, we proceeded to play billards. I don't want to discriminate but I was a bit uncomfortable playing with Emma's friends from highschool and she knows that. Nevertheless, I didnt want to embarass her in front of her friends, and being the only one of legal age in the group, I kept myself well behaved. All night, Emma was elbowing me and grinning because we were winning the games. Nagseselos na raw yung mga guys sa mga gfs nila kaya wag daw ako masyadong magpa-cute. I just kept a stiff grin, and from time to time I reminded Emma that she owes me bigtime.

We got home around 10:30 pm with 3 worried grown-ups waiting for us. We got a good scolding and grounding. I wont be able to drive for a semester. We got sent to our rooms soon after that.

"Goodnight," I told Emma when were about to enter each others' rooms.

"Goodnight," she replied. We both got scolded but she was able to flash me a smile. A few minutes later, I got a text from Emma.

sori pti ikaw grounded. pero thnx kanina. ty talaga üüü gnyt.

*Lydia is Emma's mom's name and Aileen is my mom's name (Ayen is her nickname). Both are real names btw.

Leaving

2006-05-23T15:04:00.000+08:00

"I'm still having second thoughts"

"You're just saying that," said the other voice on the telephone. "Sayang naman yung nilakad mo".

"I know...," I replied with a sigh. "Baka kasi di na ko makabalik"

I lied. I know I'll be back, I just didn't know when.

"...Ganun ba"

I can tell by her pauses of silence that she was searching for words to say.

"So di ka talaga makakapunta?" I asked. "Hanap ka ni mama"

"Al, you know I can't"

"You cant or you don't want to come?" I asked with a a stress in my voice. I knew the answer but she only remained in silence.

"Al, don't be angry ok" she finally said after what seemed to be minutes of silence.

"I don't want to go," I told her. "I want to stay here"

"... I know, but I can't do anything about that"

"Can't you just come by?" I pleaded "It'll just be for a few minutes. Magpakita ka lang dito, Ihahatid rin kita agad."

"... Aldrin please," she said "If this is about the promise, I'm really sorry ok?"

"Why? " I asked, raising my voice again. "You said you're sure that its just for some time out"

"... I'll really sory Al," she apologized. "Believe me its not like I planned it out"

"You promised you'll still be there"

"... Al, I really can't talk right now. I'm busy"

"You cant be busy right now. I know you. Wala kang pasok ngayon"

"... We agreed that this is for the better diba?"

"No, We agreed to what YOU wanted. I never wanted this." My voice was going louder. I was getting angery and frustrated.

"... Al you need to go"

"All I did was wait but you never really told me whats wrong!" I was shaking and I almost shouted. The speaker on my phone crackled at my voice.

"Al!", she said sternly. "...I'm with Dave right now".

I wanted to scream at her, but I didnt. I wanted to ask for an explanation but I didnt know the words to say. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't do anything to deserve this. I kept telling myself that whtas happening isn't real.

"Hello?... nandyan ka pa?"

My brain kicked in to accept the sad reality. "Sige... I need to go. Tawag na ko sa baba. Bye", I lied and quickly hung up the phone. That would be the last time I heard from her.

I didn't get up from my bed. I just froze there and assimilated what happened.

"We've always been able to talk about everything," I told myself. We've broken up weeks before but she said that she just needed some time alone. It would seem that she broke up with me so she could have some time alone with someone else. "How could I have been so stupid to have things come to this?!" I laid there in my bed for a few more minutes. I couldnt figure out if time passed too quickly or too slowly around me.

"Aldrin?," someone from behind the door called. "Can I come in?"

"Opo," I answered while getting up. I took a deep breath and exhaled heavily. I took a quick look at the mirror to check if everything is ok.

My door opened and in came a woman in her mid 40's. "Ba't ka nandito? They are looking for you downstairs"

"Maingay sa baba eh," I answered. "Gamit ko yung phone kanina"

"Ah, so have you talked to Penelope?" she asked as she sat beside me on my bed. "What time pa sya pupunta dito? Its already getting late."

"Di na sya makakapunta Ma," I said. "Sorry daw. The timing is just bad I guess." I didnt like lying to my mom, but at that time, I didnt want her to ask anymore questions. I let out a small sigh which I thought my mom wouldn't notice.

"I'm sorry sweetie," said my mom in an effort to comfort me. "Kung pwede lang sana we can ask your lolo to wait for another month. Pauwi na rin naman sila Uncle Guy** mo".

My mom doesn't know that Penelope and I have broken up for quite some time. As far she she's concerened, we've only been having problems but we are still together. I didnt even mind what my mom said. All I thought was I needed to find closure by myself.

It was my despedida party. Two days later, I was boarding the plane for the US. I wont be back in Philippines for another 8 months.

* Penelope is not my ex's real name. Penelope is the loyal wife of Odysseus, who had to refuse marriage proposals from several princes while his husband is away. I chose this name just to illustrate irony.
** Guy is not my mom's BF's real name. His chin just closely resembles the chin of Guy Smiley from Sesame Street.

"OK lang"

2006-05-22T12:00:00.000+08:00

Sunday was a busy day. The day's activities started with grocery shopping. We do this once every two months, unless there's a special occasion and we are expecting visitors and we have to buy extra stuff. We used to get our groceries at Makro and buy in bulk, but since nanay went to the US and her BF is managing his own business in Singapore together with Emma's mom, buying in bulk isn’t so practical anymore so we just go to The Landmark or to the SM Supermarket.

Emma looks at shopping for grocery items as a science. She has a list of everything we need for the house, and she knows where to get them. She also has a system of grabbing the items in the list. We start with bathroom, hygiene, and cleaning supplies, then the dry goods, to finally the wet edible goods. She also knows where to put each item in the cart, and she can tell if something is misplaced.

I, on the other hand, look at grocery shopping as a fun activity. I have a fairly simple system for grocery shopping. I look at an item- If I think I need it, I'll place it in the cart. Last March, I offered to do the groceries alone, and when I got home and Emma checked on what I bought, naasar sya kasi I didn't buy the things that we needed for the house. We went to redo the groceries the very next day. I guess women think that there are things that men cannot be trusted with. That’s also the reason why she demoted me to driving and pushcart duty. (But in my defense, she didn't give me the list she prepared)

Grocery shopping with Emma can tell you a lot of things about her. I know her preferred brand of toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash, various kinds of soaps, shampoo, conditioner, moisturizing lotion, powder, antiperspirant, and the holy grail, sanitary pads and napkins. The list is a lot longer if Watson's is part of the itinerary. I looked at my pile of personal stuff and compared it to hers: hers outnumber mine 3 to 1 lol.

The number of personal hygiene products she has reflects that she is a neat freak. She is such a neat freak; its bordering with being OC. Her handwriting is so neat, her notebooks look like they were laser-printed. Her cabinets, dresser, study table and shoe rack are always in order. Everything has a place. Misplace something and suffer the consequences. I once pointed that out to her to joke about it, all I got was a "Bakit ba?" said with a raised eyebrow with matching hands on her hips. She's just one of those women that look pretty when they're pretending to be angry and even prettier when they are really angry.

Anyway, back to the grocery~ WE get into a number of awkward situations whenever we go to malls and supermarkets. Sunday's grocery shopping is not an exception. Emma and I were at the spices section because she wanted to check out ingredients for a dish she wants to try. She can really get frustrated if she can’t find one or two things that she needs, especially if its food ingredients. She was a few feet away and looking at some bottles when I accidentally bumped carts with a couple. I apologized because it’s my fault (I was too busy looking at Emma instead of looking where I'm going). The couple smiled at me and said that it’s ok. I smiled back. I secretly laughed because it looked like the guy was on pushcart duty as well.

I pushed forward for a bit and a few seconds later, the lady friend of the guy I bumped carts with came to me to ask where we got the brand of coffee we had on out cart. Naturally, I asked the expert.

"Emma," I called out to her. "San natin na kuha to?" I asked her while I raised a box of San Mig Extra Strong Coffee (Emma and I both prefer brewed coffee but we keep a stock of 3in1 instants for a quick fix).

Emma's eyebrows met as she bit a part of lower lip, which she does when she is thinking. She looked at the over head aisle numbers and she slowly swung her arm to the direction of the aisle the lady was looking for. "The extra strong ones at the upper middle shelf," she told the lady as they went off.

"Emma," I called as Emma walked back to the cart. "Do you think that those two thought that we are a couple?" I asked because I was a bit curious of how she thought.

Her response: "Ok lang"

"Ok lang?" I asked in search for a little more clarity. "Ok lang as in 'ok lang' talaga sayo, or ok lang kasi you don’t mind at all or ok lang kasi you couldn't care less?"

She smiled with a single raised eyebrow- She probably thought that I was being weird for asking that question.

"Oook lang...," she said again. "Bakit?"

I took a deep breath and calmed myself for a bit. "Kasi I really want to know how you felt about it," I answered. My voice shook for a bit when I saw her staring at me. I can't do speak knowing that she is in front of me with that look on her face. I closed my eyes and spoke.

"... I really really want us to be a couple".

She then dropped the bottles of McCormick spices she was holding to run to me and embraced me with tears in her eyes. "Damn Al, I thought you'll never say that!" she cried over my shoulder. Everyone near us saw this and began clapping and cheering us on.

We then went home and lived happily ever after....

...I wish.

Ok this is what really happened:

"Oook lang," she said again. "Bakit?"

"Wala lang," I answered. "I was just wondering what they were thinking." (nagpalusot pa)

"Sus, Wag mong isipin yon," she replied smiling. "Baka akala lang nya na nagtatrabaho ka dito," she grinned at me while she placed the McCormick bottles in the cart.

T_T Ouch. First Blood.

I went on silent mode after her comment. I wanted to torture her by not talking to her, and I think she noticed it when I didn't pay attention to what she's saying until she called my name.

"Al? You ok?" she finally said. I can hear the concern in her voice but I didn't want to talk to her yet so I just nodded with an expressionless face. After that, we continued on with out list in silence and proceeded to the counter to pay for out stuff.

Even at the counter we didn't talk. I took the items out of the cart and placed it on the cold surface of the counter, and Emma would arrange them for the cashier. "Neat freak," I called her in my head. Soon the cart was empty, the cashier was punching in the last items and the bagger was doing his thing and Emma supervised.

I planned on continuing on silent mode but I realized that Emma was on to me. She knows that I'm just faking it simply because she knows me too well. I was curious on how she'll react when its time to pay, so I waited until the cashier told her how much the bill is. I didn't really know what to expect.

"O, Hun, bayaran mo na," she said. She spoke loud enough for the cashier and the bagger 2 counters away from us to hear.

After that, everything fell silent. I was frozen, and yet it left like my brain was burning up. "ANONG SINABI MO?!" I was screaming in my head. Emma used her Information Overload attack on me. I didn't see that coming.

I didn't know what to say. I want to hear her again. I was caught off guard and I was able to recover a little composure when I saw her with her patented Grin™. She stuck the tip of her tongue out for a second and began giggling at me. I had to exert extra effort to take my credit card from my wallet and to hand it to the cashier. I signed the slip and loaded the bags to the cart in silence. I was still feeling the aftershock of what she said, but I tried really hard not make it obvious and kept a straight face.

"Tara Hun, Lets go home," she suggested, and this time, not only did she make sure that other people heard us, she clung on my right arm as well. I think I felt a little more than just her arm on my arm because she clung on it pretty tight. I pushed the thought out of my head because I felt it was inappropriate for a Sunday. I knew I had to make a reaction.

"Hun," I said while trying to imitate her. "... ang panget mo gumanap". I couldn’t hold it in anymore so I finished the sentence with a laugh.

"Ang kapal mo," she replied as she let go of her cling and gave my triceps a pinch that I will never forget. Nang-gigil sya but she was also laughing. "Ikaw kaya. May nalalaman ka pang silent treatment, di naman bagay sayo"

(Bat ba mga babae, pag nang-gigigil, ang hilig manakit?)

I was nursing the pinch she gave me. Masakit eh. Napa-aray ako, but I do admit that I intentionally over-reacted.

"Sorry," she said with a grin™. "Ikaw kasi. Ang kulit mo eh"

I smiled and conceded. "Oo na".

We continued pushing the cart towards the grocery baggage counter so we can get the car. I thought of what happened within the last few minutes and even though we were just joking, it felt really good. I can only hope that it was a preview of things to come. Right then and there, I made a decision to ask her something I thought of asking her all morning.

"Emma,” I said to get her attention as we got near the ramp “Simba tayo later?"

With smile and a gentle nod, she answered.

"Ok lang."

Saturday. Music, Rain and a R18 Movie.

2006-05-20T17:05:00.000+08:00

Saturdays mean one thing to me: No work.

Technically, I can spend up to half the day at the office if I feel like sneaking in a few hours but I'm not required to go.

So I didn't. XD

Staying at home at home on a saturday has its perks. I get to stay in bed longer, and just let time fly. Also, if my timing is right, just like what happened around lunch time, I get to catch Emma dancing and lipsyncing to the radio while cooking our lunch (Thank you rx93.1! Thank you!). I wish I had a cam at that time to record her. Her facial expression was priceless when I stood by the fridge and greeted her a good morning.

"ohgodhoyanokabawagmongakongginugulat!," she said in a raised tone. Yep. Gulat nga sya.

"Eh mukang enjoy na enjoy ka eh," I said and I couldn't help but grin. "Pag nahipan ka ng hangin, wala akong pampapagamot..."

"Oh shut up," she interrupted me while laughing. I backed off because the laddle she was holding looked lethal.

Yeah, the tension from thursday morning easily dissipated. We talked about it thursday morning, and she just laughed at me. She said that she really was glad that she I took her along at the party. When I asked her why she was upset, she just told me that I shouldn't be looking into things too much because I tend to lose perspective. I guess I got worried for no reason at all. However, she added that if I want us to go together to events just like last Wednesday's, then she would like to be told everything first. "Works for me, I guess," I told myself.

So... we're back to our old... uh... what do you call our relationship again? XD

I helped out in the kitchen. She didnt want me bringing forth the wrath of god and ruining the food she was cooking so she told me that I should just prepare the dining table. Three plates this time. A laundry woman comes by every Saturday and Wednesday to do our laundry.

At this point, I'd like to clarify (and for the amusement of Richard), that I have no interest in the laundry woman. She is around 30 I think, and she has a great sense of humor. Emma and I are always glad to have her with us.

A few minutes and a near breakage later, the table was set. She was still watching the food at the stove so I sat at the counter top and watcher her. (Hey I'm a man, ok?) She was wearing short denim shorts and a yellow short sleeved blouse underneath the green apron. She is healthy. She is fit. Her body is at a good proportion to her height.

Oh who am I kidding?

She's sexy and I couldn't shake off the image of her dancing while Riana's "SOS" was playing earlier.

"You know, pag nalapit dito yung audition ng Pinoy Idol, you should try for it," I joked.

"Al tikman mo nga kung ok na," she said while holding up the laddle. I jumped down from the counter to give the sinigang a taste.

I took a sip and gave her the thumbs down.

She then proceeded to stabbing me on the chest 21 times with the knife. DONT, as in DONT EVER complain about a girl's cooking if she is within arm's reach of a pointed object.

Lol Kidding. Emma is a great cook. Jillian Cha has nothing on her. She learned from both her mom and my mom, and she's a perfectionist at what she does.

"Ano yung sabi mo tungkol sa Pinoy Idol?" she asked. I guess she didn't hear me.

"AH... wala yon," I said smiling. I decided not to press my luck. She then tucked her lip to one side, and stared at me like she was angry.

"Bat gaganyan- ganyan ka? Halikan kita dyan eh!" I screamed inside my head. "Wala nga promise!" I told her.

A few minutes later, the laundry woman joined us, and we had lunch. You can hear our laughter from outside the house. The laundry woman never ran out of stories to tell.

After eating, I did the dishes because Emma had to prepare for work. Her shift begins after lunch.

Emma was already dressed casually for work when she said she was leaving. I thought of offering her a ride to her work because it was cloudy and it looked like it was going to rain. Its a good thing that I did. :D

Before long, we were taking a left on Jupiter. I thought that if our situations were reversed, I wouldn't mind serving as her driver.

"Emma, napanuod mo na yung 'The Da Vinci code'?" I asked as we turned right to Makati Ave.

"Di pa nga eh," she quickly replied. "Tara Greenbelt mamaya? I get off at 7:30. Susunduin mo naman ako diba?" she asked while looking at me. She had that cute grin again.

"Hay... Sige na nga," I pretended to complain. If Tom Hanks was with us in the car, he would've given me his academy awards. "Take care! See you later," I told her as she got off the car.

"Ok THAT was easy," I thought to myself as I drove home smiling.

(time check: I need to leave na XD)

==============

If you have questions or comments, feel free to add me to your ym buddy list. My Y!Id is aldrin_in_makati

Worth the Wait epilogue

2006-05-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

"Al..." I felt someone nudge me by the shoulder. "Dun ka na sa kwarto. Wag ka dyan matulog"

"Hey..." I opened my eyes and recognized that it was Emma.

I looked at the clock on the wall to check the time. It was around 1:30 am. I must've dozed off.

"Narinig kong bukas yung TV," she told me.

Emma looked different now from how she looked back at the party. No hair accessories, no jewelry, no ruffled red top, no black uneven skirt, no perfume, no make up and no red lipstick. She was wearing a light blue sando and loose white pants that brushed the floor when she walks. Hes hair was down, brushed and devoid on any clips and pins. She has washed up and she's ready to sleep. She was her plain self, and even then she was very pleasing to look at. The light scent of her soap wafted the air as the fan swung our way.

"Akala ko matutulog ka na?" I asked her. I blinked at few times so that she wont notice that I was staring at her. I was a bit depressed at that time because the frustration of not being able to to talk to her about the party had sunk in.

"Yung cell phone mo kasi," she explained as she handed me my cell phone. "Nakalimutan kong bigay sayo".

I forgot that she had my cell phone all night. I took the phone and thanked her. If she had read my inbox and my sent folder, then she would've found out everything. I was not too worried however, we both know how to respect each other's privacy.

"Tara akyat na tayo," she suggested and I agreed. I guess there was no point in trying to strike up a conversation right now. We are both tired and sleepy. She waited for me at the livingroom while I checked the locks of the first floor and the kitchen gas.

"Sige akyat na tayo," I said as closed the living room lights. The only light that remained was the one above the stairs. We reached the corridor on top of the stairs. "This is where we part," I thought to myself. Her room is on the left, and mine is on the right. I turned to say my goodnight but Emma suddenly held my shirt from the back.

"Totoo ba yung sinabi ni Ate Erika?" she asked.

"Ha?" I tried to turn but the way she held my shirt suggested that she didnt want me to look at her.

"Sabi nya kasi wala ka raw balak pumunta"

"Ha?" I began to worry. Ano ba sinabi ni Erika? I began to doubt if it was right that I told her everything.

"Sabi nya nakiusap ka pa raw kay Kuya Richard."

"Na ano naman daw?"

"Kasi ayaw mo raw maiwan lang ako dito sa bahay."

I was speechless. I suddenly remembered the time when Richard wrote our names at the invitation envelope. I recalled him saying "Sige, ako bahala sa inyo".

"Totoo ba?" she asked again.

I was hesitant when I nodded my head. I was worried that she may think that she wasn't really invited to the party, and that she was just a tag a long. I wanted to tell her that I too, was a tag along since I barely know the celebrant- but I knew that it wont change anything if she really felt bad.

I wanted to break the silence, but I didn't know what to say. I thought of the conversation we had all day and the advice people sent me and the blog entries i've written so far. Should I tell her everythign now?

"I really needed you to come," I said. My voice sounded hoarse, and I didn't know if she understood me. "If you didn't come, I would've never known that you would look great with that red lipstick". I tried to laugh a little but I hesitated halfway because I felt it was inappropriate.

I reached for her hand from behind my back. She loosened her grip on my shirt and I was able to turn and look at her. Her head was down so I cant see her eyes.

"Hey... are you ok?" I asked and I gently pressed her hand that I was still holding. "Did I say something wrong?"

She raised her head and she looked directly at me for a few seconds before turning away. "Huy..." I tried coaxing her to talk.

"I'm ok. Sige goodnight," she finally said. She looked at me with an expression that I can't read. I cant tell if she's sad or happy, or mad or sleepy. She bit her lip and smiled, but it didn't feel real. I knew she wanted to say something but I didnt want to force it out of her.

"Good night," I said when she was walking towards her room. She disappeared behind her door and soon after, the light from her room disappeared. What remained was the dim yellow glow from the lamp that she keeps beside the bed when she reads.

I entered my own room thinking if I did anything to upset her. "What just happened?" I asked myself. Did everything just went flying off the window? I changed my clothes while thinking of how I am going to deal with the situation if this exploded out of proprotion. Should I stop everything now?

I was startled when my phone rang to signal that I recieved a text message. I picked it up to see who could be texting me at this hour. It was Emma.

"Thnx al. Pls dnt wory. I rly hd a wonderful time. I wanted to thank u personally pro nahihiya me & i didnt knw wat 2 say. Gunyt and thnx agen üüü".

I laid on my bed thinking about of that facial expression and the words in the text message. I ereally have no idew what they meant. its as if her emotions began talking in a language that I can't understand.

I texted her my reply: "Pls dont be upset. Yknow I should be the one thanking you ü Lets sleep na. goodnight ü"

My watched beeped twice. Its already 2am and I decided to sleep. As I looked up, I realized that hours ago, I was thinking that I was hesitant to go because I didnt like waiting for her to dress up.

Is she worth waiting for?

With great uncertainty of her feelings and of things to come, I told myself "Yes, She's worth waiting for and so much more".

Worth the Wait v2

2006-05-19T19:41:00.000+08:00

We parked and headed to the function hall where the party is being held. While walking, I tried a little experiment.

"Nervous?" I asked her as we turned the corner to the lobby.

"A bit," she sighed smiling. "Di na nagreply si Richard pero sabi nya dumerecho na raw tayo".

"Ok. Tara?" I told her. I took a deep breath, exhaled, I then offered my left elbow in hopes that she would cling to it...

I felt her hand reach from behind my arm. She took my elbow, she held me close and she did so without hesitation. It felt good that to have her near me. It’s different compared to those times when we watched DVDs together at the sofa, or those times when we shared a meal together. Acting as her escort felt much better. It felt really special.

She has me by the arm. However, not everything was smooth sailing. If Rouge could steal powers with her touch, Emma's mutant powers would be to transfer her nervousness through her touch. I tried to keep myself calm even though I was beginning to feel the pressure of hundreds of strangers looking at us. "Am I too stiff? Am I too lousy?" I kept asking myself ass we walked towards the velvet doors of the function hall.

"Flowers na lang ang kulang, Flores de Mayo na," she giggled a little.

Somewhere in my head, it felt like a big mirror just cracked.

"ehehe, bakit feeling mo Reyna Elena ka?" I replied.

"Sira, Santacruzan yun," she rebutted.

Ok, that big mirror just broke into a million pieces. Technically, I just got owned by the maid, but it made me a lot calmer.

It’s a good thing we didn’t make much of a scene even though we arrived late. Richard called my name as we entered the hall. Beside him were his girlfriend Erika, and 2 vacant chairs. They saved us seats and when we got settled, Richard introduced us to the celebrant and his relatives. He was having a blast. Whenever a relative came, he would introduce me and Emma together and he would give hints that we are a couple, and give me winks and elbow nudges. I had to make things clear by saying that Emma is a good friend, and we grew up together (no, I didn’t mention that she serves our family). Emma spoke a little, using the term "kababata" when she described us. (Hmmm... "kababata"... not to incestuous. I like the term.) Most of the time, though, she just smiled and laughed through Richard's comments.

Did she laugh because she found Richard’s words funny?
Or was she laughing because she was hiding the fact that it’s offending her?
Maybe she just didn’t notice?
Or maybe she wasn't paying attention?
Am I over analyzing things again?

The only thing I'm sure of is Emma didn't let go of my arm until we got back to our table.

When the three of us got seated, Erika scolded Richard and told him to stop making us uncomfortable. Emma and I just laughed at Richard's reaction. They complement each other really- Richard is the loud, brash, happy go lucky type. He has the tendency of going overboard with jokes and stunts so it’s a good thing that Erika is keeping a tight rein. She is older than Richard, and undeniably more mature. She has this inert wisdom that I can only guess could come from being in the HR department of client companies and dealing with the thousands of people that come and go. The two are living together in Erika's condo in Mandaluyong.

Erika knows of my situation with Emma btw. Fact is, she is the one who suggested that I blog everything and see what happens. She told me that to be honest with Emma, I must be honest with myself first. (Uhm... yeah. I'll have to get back to you on that Erika. You are good at giving advice but I blank out every time you get into your Jedi Master mode XD)

It’s a good thing that Erika is a HR for a Call Centre, she can relate to Emma and they hit it off well in the party. Apparently, they share the same interest: they like cooking. The dinner was great, and the girls were trying to figure out how to remake the dishes we had. Emma likes the Lifestyle / Food Network channel, and it’s impressive how much detail she can go through with food. The girls call the food by its actual name, while Richard and I called addressed the dishes as "yung chicken", "yung soup" and "yung parang embutido". Class no? The girls laughed and whispered and engaged in girl talk together. Richard and I agreed that it’s a good sign that our “dates" were getting along fine when they went to the washroom together.

We were having such a great time at the party; we almost didn’t notice that the ceremonies were ending.

Soon, it was time to go home. We were still laughing as we said our goodbyes. Richard was dying for a smoke and Erika was telling him not to smoke. As we walked towards the car, Emma did something unexpected. She held me by the arm again, but the look on her face told me that she was concerned about something.

"Ok ka lang?" she asked me with the worried tone again. Her mood can switch that fast. "Nakainom ka eh. You want me to drive?"

I looked at her and her worried face and realized that even if I was wasted drunk, she would take care of me and we will be able to get home safe. 'Nah I'm ok," I assured her with a smile. It was just one bottle of San Mig Light that the celebrant's father offered us as a nightcap when we retreated to the bar. I was not drunk (note: Do NOT drink and drive).

We drove away and were making good time along EDSA when she asked if she could recline her seat and sleep for a bit.

"Sige,” I nodded. “Gisingin na lang kita pag malapit na tayo”.

I kept glancing at her and I can tell that she is really tired. She is used to waking up very early in the morning so I thought she may not be used to staying up very late. A few minutes later, her eyes were closed. She was sleeping beside me and with the lights of EDSA shining inside our car, I can’t help but feel that this situation a little too familiar.

"Amp. Passenger Seat," I whispered to myself and shook of the lyrics of the song off my head.

I said 12:47 on the dashboard of our car when we made the final turn towards the village. We're nearly there and she woke up just before we reached the house. I parked the car and she closed the gate behind me. We entered the house and I watched her as she went straight to the stairs and climbed slowly. At the last flight of stairs, she let out a groan that sounded like she is very tired yet very happy that we're home.

"Goodnight Emma," I told her from the bottom of the stairs.

"Goodnight," she replied. Her lips tightened to a smile. I wanted to talk to her more. I wanted to tell her that I enjoyed the time I spent with her, but her eyes told me that she's very sleepy. I nodded to acknowledge her so she can rest.

I sat down on the living room sofa. I loosened my shirt and took of my shoes. I laid back and opened the TV. I didn’t mind what channel was on.

"Wow," I told myself. I couldn't believe that the day has ended. I recalled the events that happened the entire day, from the reminders she gave me when I left for the office, to the time when we were at the party, up to a few minutes ago when we got back here. I closed my eyes and bits and pieces of images and sounds flooded my head.

Corrections and Appreciation

2006-05-19T06:15:00.000+08:00

I've been editting the previous entries for corrections and its been concluded that I am a bad typer. Most the entries in this blog are written on a text document in notepad. If you guys can notice, blog entries have been getting longer and there are lot of copying and pasting involved in publishing the blog. The number of errors have been increasing as well. If there are corrections or questions you'd like to point out, please feel free to comment.

I'd also like to take this oppurtunity to thank the people who IMed me, emailed me and gave comments on message boards and on this blog. I've never recieved so much support, and I can only hope that I won't let you down. I welcome the criticisms as well.

Thank you so much!

Worth the Wait v1

2006-05-18T20:54:00.000+08:00

No offense to women out there, but it takes forever for women to dress up.

I knocked on Emma's door to ask for help with my cuff buttons. "Tapos ka na?" I asked.

"Hindi pa," she replied as I heard her hurried walk towards the door. I heard the click of the door unlocking after which, she said I can go in. I stuck my head into her room to see if she is decent before I entered.

"Patulong naman sa buttons," I said and I took a good look at her when I walked in. Yup. She won't be ready for some time.

I extended my right arm and she began fixing my shirt. I'm not entirely aware of the "make-up" ritual of the female species, but I think I went in while she was just finishing drying her hair. She was still in her bathrobe and bedroom slippers, and the dress and the jacket that she's going to wear for the event was lying on her bed. (Even though she's wearing a bathrobe, it is not revealing as perverts would hope it would be. I say again: she is decent when I entered). On the dresser I can see that her make-up stuff is prepped for some major plastic surgery. I felt guilty that I interrupted her.

"Thank you," I said after she finished with my other wrist. I turned to leave her room to give her privacy but...

"Teka Al," she said as she went to the dresser to pick something up. "Red or pink?" she asked while she raised 2 black cylinders of lipstick for me to see.

I can read complicated blueprints and work with multiple systems designs, but with make-up, I'm a loser. The probability is 50-50. I looked at the 2 lipstick casings and thought which color she would look better at. I had no confidence with my answer but as a man, I had to give my answer. My honor is at stake. An error would only mean death. I thought hard and gave my reply.

"Pink".

Wenk. Wrong Answer.

"Red na lang, dark yung dress eh," she answered with her patented grin.

T_T

Yes, I'll keep that in mind the next time I'll wear lipstick. I picked up the broken pieces of my confidence and left her room.

I went down to the living room and opened the TV. Local News was on and there was much raving about the 1st Filipino to reach Mt. Everest. There were also news about tsunami evacuation drills, and a special about Lea Salongga's baby. I couldn't catch a reply of the NBA, and nothing was good one the movie channels.

I'm impatient and I easily get bored when waiting. Even if I'm at work I always think if what I'm waiting for is worth the wait. The thought of not going to party crossed my mind, but the though of Emma getting excited about the party pacified me. I don’t want her to get disappointed. I remained on the chair and kept browsing the channels for anything good. I just imagined how she would look like in the dress we picked up.

It was almost 7:30 on my watch when I heard her door open. Judging by the sound of footsteps, I can tell that she is in a hurry. She knows na late na kami. "Al, tara na," I heard her say when she was going down the stairs. I closed the TV and turned to pick my coat and waited for her at the door.

And there she is.

Anyone who has watched "She's all That" would be familiar with what happened next. Everything felt like its slow motion, and from nowhere, background music began to play. She was careful on stepping down with her high-heeled sandals. It felt like a slow camera pan, when I scanned her from her toes, up to her face. As she went down, she looked around as if there were other people around, although she knows that’s its just the two of us. I can tell that she is very nervous with her facial expression. The dress hugged her body just right, and the spaghetti straps rested comfortably on her shoulder. For someone who spends a lot of time on make up, I can barely notice it. She wears her make up light, I guess because her skin is already fair that’s why she doesn’t need much of it. The hint of blush and the red lipstick did go well with her red and black dress. Her hair was being held up by an oriental pin which suited her very well. This Exposed more of her neck, making it look longer and thinner. She was wearing the jewelry my mom got her for her 18th birthday.

She saw me waiting at the front door. As she neared her last step, her lips tightened to a smile and she let out an embarrassed giggle.

Nope, she did not trip at the last step.

But she did forget something and she had to run back to her room to get it.

Cut. Take 2. Take 2. Lol.

I watched her black uneven skirt sway as she ran back upstairs. She looked very pretty. I'm not a fashion guru but I know that Emma's look suits her well. I've seen her in many kinds of clothes, and I can say na bagay sa kanya yung mag formal. She owned that dress. Going shopping ith her until the store closes was worth it.

I opened the gate and waited for her at the car, and I thought about the many people who asked how she looked. I'll try to post a picture sometime because I don't know if I can provide an objective answer. But just for comparison, she is no commercial model, but she does look like a cute local pop singer. That's as objective as I can get :D

A few minutes later, we were on the road. We were at the along Kalayaan avenue when Emma decided to open the car radio. I can feel her tension because she kept changing the station. She pulled down the visor mirror to check on her hair and make up. Every now and then she would check if her dress is ok. I smiled at her for being such a nervous wreck.

"Whaaat?" she asked with a complaining tone. I half-expected her lips to pout, and the eyebrows to meet.

"Nothing," I answered laughing. "Di lang ako sanay na makita kang ganyan."

"Ok lang ba?" she asked with that worried tone again.

We were moving so I can't look at her when I said that everything will be ok. "Relax ka lang, you look great". I snuck a smile at her every red light we get to assure her that she doesn't have to worry.

"Sorry. Late na tayo," Emma apologized. "Text kaya natin si Richard?" she suggested. I was driving and the slacks I was wearing had shallow pockets so I handed her my cell phone. "Paki text," I told her. "Sayo na muna yung cell phone baka malaglagan ako". She took my cell phone, and after texting my friend, kept it inside her purse.

We turned left towards EDSA and the traffic is a bit heavy. Looks like we’ll be on the road for quite some time.

I hate waiting, but in that situation, I didn’t mind it at all. ^_^

(to be continued...)

Phone calls and Anxiety

2006-05-17T17:14:00.000+08:00

"Sasama si Emma?*," asked Richard** (my friend who invited me to the party) when I met him for lunch at the canteen. Almost everyone at the there looked at us when he yelled "Yon!" when I said that she'll be coming and that we even picked out a dress. I told him not to make a big deal out of it, but I think he didn't listen. He made a humorous comment about "tadhana" and other cheesy remarks while patting my back at the cafeteria queue.

"Kita kits mamaya. 7:30 yon," Richard reminded me before we parted.

I can tell that Emma is very anxious about tonight's party by the number of text messages and phone calls we had all day. She wanted to have enough time to prepare for the party and she was worried that we might arrive late. She was fuzzing over the new dress (and the shoes) that we bought last sunday. I kept replying that she'll look fine and there is nothing to worry. I think that made her worry even more.

We kept texting each other until we came to an agreement that I'll just leave the office early so I can pick her up from work. We agreed that this is the fastest way to get home.

It’s a good thing that I didn't have much to do today. Talking to her while at work is such a healthy distraction. I make every excuse to call her instead of texting because she sometimes carries her call centre accent (or technically according to her, "the lack of accent") in our phone conversations. I make fun of it by imitating a British or Indian accent and she would shush me Lol.

A funny detail about her text messages is she uses the ü character (for a smile) three times at the end of almost every message. It’s like her signature, and I can tell that something is wrong if the üüü is missing. It also makes things easy for me to determine who the sender is if she is just borrowing her officemate's phone. I would equate the üüü to her grin that she wears when:

1) She is excited/happy.
2) She finds something funny; or
3) She wants to ask a favor.

In this case, I think she is grinning for all three reasons.

It's almost 5pm and I'll be able to leave in a few minutes to pick her up. Guess how I feel?

üüü

*Emma is not her real name. I picked it out because Richard (not his real name either) suggested it from the anime (Emma: A Victorian Romance). I won't spoil the anime, but you can just Google it.
**Richard is not his real name either. I chose this for him because his girlfriend's name is Erika. Go figure. XD

Recollections

2006-05-16T17:03:00.000+08:00

What’s the very first memory that you can recall?

Mine was playing around my grandparents' house and sliding down the stairs, breaking picture frames and jalousie windows. There was a red swing at the garage and I would scare the folks by swinging as high as I can.

While standing up. Oh yeah, I was a regular daredevil back then. My Lolo would even curse in español because of it.

We would always stay at that old house whenever my mother and father would get into an argument. My mom still has her old room, and she would tell me stories when she was still in college. That room felt like a time machine because up until my grandparents migrated to the US in the year 1999, that room remained unchanged. We would stay there for days up to months at a time, and Nanay would find comfort in recalling the past when she was still a "dalaga". As I grow up, I would occasionally enter that room and my mom would be wiping her tears and closing old photo albums. I can only assume that my mom secretly hoped that she could go back to her younger years when she still had no commitments.

I don’t want to think that she regretted having me, but I do know that she terribly misses the life she had before she met my dad.

I was around 4 years old then, and I was studying at The National Federation of Women’s Clubs (NFWC) pre-school, and boy did I hate going there. I was sick and tired of reciting the story of Josefa Llanes Escoda together with my classmates. I didn’t like the itchy blue polo and the dark blue short pants. I hate the fact that everything that’s taught in school can be learned just by watching 30 minutes of Batibot.

I was always hiding from my Lolo whenever the time comes for me to go to school. (My mom would be working at the clinic at that time) There was this big decorative jar that I can fit into. I got my hands slapped by my grandparents in more occasions than I can remember because I always managed to get my uniform dirty and messed up. I didn’t mind if it would mean skipping classes or shaving off a couple of minutes from school.

Once upon that time, I was again running from my Lolo. I can tell that he is really angry when he brandishes this kawayan stick while he runs after me. I hid at the room at the back end of the house. Lolo rarely goes there. I bolted the wooden door behind the screen door behind me. The coast is clear.

It was a small dimly-lit room, with 2 double-decker beds at the opposite each other. There were also some dressers and a table in the middle of the room. I could hear my Lolo’s voice from the small window overlooking the garage at the far end of the room. I thought the room was empty, but when I turned around, there was a woman in the room and she was probably watching me when I entered the room. She had her finger across her lips, signaling me to keep quiet.

I recognized the woman as the one who helps nanay pack our backs whenever its time for a "vacation" to our grandparents' place. She is the one who bathes me, cooks for us, and tells me to put away my Lego blocks after I use them. She is our maid. When I saw her, she was sitting on the bottom bunk of the double-decker on my right. She held on her arm a baby.

She put the baby down on the bed and she told me that I can come near if I promised to keep quiet. I carefully walked towards the bed and peeped at the wooden railings at the end of the bed. The baby was wearing white clothes and lampin, its arms are on the side of its head and its legs are slightly bent. The baby's eyes were closed and its mouth is moving in reflex from drinking. (I was too young to make a clear recollection, but I may have run into her breastfeeding.)

"Baby ko sya," the mother said. She said something else after that, but I can't remember. I looked at the baby, with the pinkish folds of skin on her arms and legs. As a kid, I was fascinated at the small creature.

"Hanap ka na ng Lolo mo," the mother smiled. "Pag balik mo mamaya sa school, gusto mo maglaro kayo?"

I stared at the baby, thinking of what kind of games we could play. "Opo," I replied.

"Mamaya pag-uwi mo baka gising na sya," she told me. I looked at the mother and nodded. It seems mothers have a natural calming yet commanding effect. I hurried outside the room to go to school, knowing that someone was waiting for me back home.

=================

I didn't expect that I'll be going home later than usual. I was irritable and hungry. I closed the gates and opened the front door. The living room lights were dimmed and no one was around. From the living room, I can hear the kitchen TV is on, so I proceeded there with the thought that the person who was waiting for me is there.

"Good Evening," I greeted her as I entered the kitchen. I didnt feel irritable after that.

"Uy andyan ka na. Sayang di mo naabutan yung Gokusen," she said. I looked at the kitchen TV and saw that a local soap was on. "How was your day?" she asked.

"7 na ko nakalabas ng office. Traffic pa. Hehe gutom na ko."

"Tara mag dinner na tayo," she suggested. She stood up and went to the stove to start plating the food. "Gutom na rin ako eh."

I noticed that the kitchen table is already prepared. The 2 plates, glasses, placemats and silverware are neatly setup in front of the chairs where we usually eat. "Sorry," I apologized for making her wait. "Ano ulam?"

"Afritada"

"Na naman?!"

"Baket? May reklamo ka?" she asked. Her back was turned but I knew that she was smiling.

I put down my bag on the chair and walked towards her. "Wala po," I grinned to tell her that I was only joking even though she knew that I wasn’t being serious. I helped her bring the food from the stove to the table.

"Anong nangyari sa Gokusen?" I asked as we were eating. She replied and she began mentioning Japanese names that I couldn't even recognize. I can tell that a good happened in Monday's episode because she was smiling when she narrated it.

I didn't mind that I couldn't follow the story. What I was focusing on was her smile and I thought it looked very similar to the smile of the woman I saw in the help's quarters in my grandparent’s place more than 20 years ago.

@theChurch

2006-05-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

(This is a rushed update! so many things to write about)

We sat the back part of the Church of Saints Peter and Paul for the Sunday mass. I must confess that I'm not really a religious person and that I don’t make it my priority to go to mass every Sunday. This is one of the rare times we went to mass just the 2 of us together. I can’t focus on the mass and my mind was being flooded with the so many thoughts, I can’t even recall the homily.

My eyes were wandering around the church. To our right were a couple and a young toddler. I can only assume that the three of them are a family. The mother was telling the young boy that it’s praying time, not playing time.

I wondered if the people in the church took us for a couple. I smiled to myself and toyed with that thought all throughout the mass. Imagining us going out without having to worry about what other people thought of us sure did make the time fly. It’s not hard to think about it. We pretty much do the same things that we do day in and day out, but instead of having her do things for me, we'll be doing things together. May 14 is mother's day and I wondered if she will be a good mother. But for her to be a mother, we would have to... I'm sorry God. I shouldn't be thinking about those things especially when I'm in church. I don’t want to get ahead of myself.

I suddenly thought about a conversation I had with my friend who invited me to Wednesday's party. He was teasing me about what will happen if the maid and I finally become a couple. I said siguro we have to get a new maid kasi I couldn't allow her to continue doing hose work like it’s her responsibility. "Wag na pare," he laughed. "Masamang mag 2 time." He would take a step backward and laugh.

I'm not affected by his comments. I've been called atchay killer a thousand times already. I welcome his swings at our situation because it relieves the tension and from him I find the strength to laugh about this predicament.

I have to thank him for inviting me to the party.

It was around that stream of thought when she suddenly held my hand.

I probably looked stupid when I stared at her. In my mind I was screaming "wtf?!" while she raised my right hand. I was stuck in that stupid look for about a good five seconds until I recognized that the hymn for the Lord's Prayer is playing. "Our Father na pala," I thought to myself.

I tried to keep looking forward and I even tried to sing. I was thinking then that I probably looked stiff. I tried to relax but it seems she has the capability of controlling all my nerves just by holding my hand.

She lowered and let go of my hand as the music started to fade. My lungs finally remembered how to exhale. "Hoy mahiya ka nga! Nasa simbahan ka!" I reminded myself until the mass ended.

"Al, Ok ka lang?" she asked as we walked towards the car. "Pikit ka ng pikit kanina tapos nangingiti ka pa," she smiled.

T_T. She noticed. I tried so hard to hide my embarrassment. "Hehe sorry. May naalala lang ako," I said and what followed was probably my most silliest fake laugh of all time.

"Obvious nga eh," she excalimed. Oh yeah, rub it in why don’t yah. T_T

We got in the car and drove of to Glorietta. Its time to go get her a dress. ^_^

Shopping

2006-05-14T15:53:00.000+08:00

I received an invitation to a friend's relative's birthday party. That friend is one of the very few people who know of my situation. I know this friend from work and he is pretty much my best bud. He is predisposed to nudging me into going out with her, and this is one of his attempts.

(I don’t mind)

I showed her the invitation last night at the dinner table. Both our names are written on the envelope. I haven't read it before. All I needed to know is the name of the celebrant, the date, time and the place of the event.

She opened it carefully, making sure that she doesn’t fold or tear the thin parchment bound by the yellow glittered ribbon. I watched her eyes as she skimmed through the roster of personalities and activities. She skipped the rest and she found her way to the bottom of the parchment.

At that very moment I gained a little understanding about the opposite sex. When invited to a fancy dinner or event, there is an initial reaction common to all women.

"Al," she aid with worried eyebrows. "Ano isusuot ko dito?"

I couldn't answer (because I already stuffed my mouth with the food that she cooked for both of us). It’s easier for men to prepare for formal occasions I guess. Just pop in a suit and leather shoes and we're good to go.

I shrugged my shoulders at her. "Hiramin mo kaya yung kay nanay?"

Hehe I deserved the shoulder punch I got from her for even suggesting that.

I thought about it and realized that she never had a formal wear of her own. Except for a wedding she attended last January, I don’t remember her wearing anything formal, and in that wedding, she was wearing one of the tailored Abay dresses.

"Sa Wednesday na pala to," she sighed.

I watched the worry on her face as she read through the invitation and the program of activities. She asked about the names of the people in the program, kung kilala ko ba si ganito at si ganyan. I told her I don't know most of the people (but I didn't mention that I met the celebrant only once and that my friend is pulling the strings why we have to go). I tried comforting her by saying that those people probably don’t know each other either.

"Don't worry about it. Daan na lang tayo ng Glorietta bukas pagkatapos magsimba."

"Ok sige," she replied with a quick nod.

She said "ok" without even hesitating. Did she say "ok" because she wants to go shopping, or did she say "ok" because she wants to go shopping with me? Did she say "ok" because she can’t say no?

Am I just over analyzing this?

I don’t know what just happened when I said that, but I felt like I asked her out. Looks like we are going shopping later and I have no idea what dress to wear for the party. (Help please)

That’s church, shopping, and I'll try to suggest dinner. This is not the first for us to have dinner out together, but it’s the first time we'll have it at Glorietta.

We'll be leaving in a few hours and I've never been more excited on a Sunday. ^^

Friday. Rain and Breakfast.

2006-05-12T20:53:00.000+08:00

Its too cold. I woke up early grasping for my blanket. The chilling morning breeze was tempting me to skip work and stay in bed longer- at least thats what I would've wanted.

Its around 6:30 am and I can already hear her footsteps along the corridor heading to my room to wake me up.

"Al?, gising ka na?" she spoke softly as she knocked on my door. She knows I'm a light sleeper and she doesn't have to shout to wake me up. Not that anyone would complain if she did. Since nanay left for the US last february, dalawa na lang kami sa bahay.

I got up and started fixing my bed. "Tuloy."

"Goodmorning. Sira ba alarm mo?", she asked as she peeped her head in my room.

"Di naman," I said as I took a quick survery of my room for anything thats potentially embarrassing. All clear. "Ang lamig kasi kaya nakakatamad bumangon."

"Oo nga no eh," she complained. "Tapos na yata summer."

She walked towards my bed and held the other end of the blanket I was folding. Honestly, I never fixed my bed voluntarily.

"6:30 na," she said as she took my end to give the blanket a last fold before laying in on the pillows. "Baka ma-late ka. Diba sa Ortigas ka ngayon?"

Our fingers touched for a moment. Wala naman syang reaction.

Yup. She's right. I'll probably be late. The way she said those words didn't help either. That tone of her voice always catches me off-guard. The way she asks me isn't like something that she would just say as a normal reaction to someone who would arrive at work around 30 minutes later than usual. Its like she is asking a person who has never been late in his entire life. It seemed more "in the moment". It seemed... genuine.

"Di yan. Maaga pa naman," I smiled in an effort to brush off any worry she may have. "Sa greenhills na lang ako dadaan."

I know that she knows that I know that I'll be late. Napangiti na lang sya at napa-iling.

"Tara, Mag breakfast na tayo. Nakahain na," she said as she walked towards to door.

She is a wonder. It doesn't matter how early I wake up. She will always wake up at least an hour earlier. She gestured towards the kitchen where we usually eat together. Dalawa na lang kami, so there is no point in using the dining table.

"Sige susunod na ko." (I made a quick peek kung natapos na yung mga torrent ko)

As I closed my door behind me, I looked at her as she walked towards the stairs at the far end of the corridor. I thought of the hundred times she was in my room, and it didn't feel the least bit uneasy. Everything feels different now. Although it gets uneasy whenever we are in the same room alone together, the uneasiness feels ok. It feels "just right".

I sped and caught up with her as she entered the kitchen. "...Thank you nga pala," I tried to say. I must've muttered some of the syllables because she seemed to take an eternity to reply.

"Baket?" she asked as she poured coffee into the 2 mugs beside the 2 plates on the small kitchen table.

"For waking me up," I said. She smiled at me. Suddenly it doesn't feel like its too cold out anymore.

Ye Olde Disclaimer

2006-05-11T14:59:00.000+08:00

As I write this, I'm sure that readers will be skeptic on the least bit, if not outright non-believers. Who can blame them? A guy falling for a maid is something that doesn't happen normally in real life. If it does, it often ends up in a lawsuit.

Let me say this now: I'm not writing this blog to force people to believe me. I'm writing this for my own reasons, and in my perspective. If you can't believe whats written here on this blog, then I invite you to read it as a material of pure fiction. I invite you to post comments as well.

Whether you believe me or not, I'll try my best to make this blog a good read.

I've encountered too many questions regarding my situation.

"Seryoso ka?" (are you serious)
"Are you insane?
"Alam mo ba kung ano yang pinapasok mo?" (do you know what you are getting into)
"Ano sasabihin ng magulang mo?" (what will your parents say?)
"Alam ba nya?" (does she know?)

and more recently,

"Is she hot?" (This made me smile)

Right now, I can't answer most of the questions until I answer the basic of all questions:

Who I am and who she is.